Jealousy
by Crackinois
Summary: A tragic case leads to the reassignment of an officer to the Homicide Unit, which comes at the worst time as Jane tries to figure out a change in her feelings toward Maura.  Complete.
1. Blue

**Notes: **This story is completely unrelated to my previous stories in the Revelations-Disclosure-Shadows-Evolution universe. It is set post-S1 finale and will reference S2. I will make note of any significant episode spoilers in the notes of each chapter.

**CH 1: Blue**

_She was so young. And people can be so cruel. So horribly cruel; it's a tragedy._ Every senseless death was a tragedy, something about it being a child though made it that much more egregious.

Her hair was done up in hundreds of tiny braids, some of them adorned with varying shades of little blue beads. _Maybe blue was her favorite color. The braids probably took hours. She must have been very patient to sit still for so long._

The water from spray head had washed away the last of a temporary tattoo from her arm. One of those like you get for 25 cents from the little dispensers in the grocery store. _A butterfly._

Maura closed the vault door; _I bet she was afraid of the dark._

She held the picture in her hand, bright brown eyes and a toothy grin, save for the missing tooth right in front, shined off the photo paper. Jane recognized the slide from the YMCA pool in the background. _She was supposed to be safe._

"Her mother dropped her off at camp that morning and she was supposed to be safe…" Jane muttered.

"You say something?" Frost looked up from his desk.

Jane shook her head, "Just talking to myself." _Kaleah Washington, 7 years old, she was supposed to be safe._

* * *

><p>The morgue was eerily silent when Jane entered. Aside from the Washington case which had come in that morning there weren't a lot of cases. Jane wished that there were, more work to distract her mind from the 7 year old body sitting in a morgue vault with her throat slit. It looked like most of the lab techs had skipped out a little early for the day, but a soft light from a lamp in Maura's office hummed through the grey monotony.<p>

Jane knocked on her door, more as a warning courtesy as she poked her head in, "Hey…"

"Transection of the right external carotid artery…" Maura was mumbling to herself as she typed and looked up to find Jane standing in the doorway, "…hey, come in."

"Anything to report?" Jane flopped down in the red chair, "Seriously! Why is this chair so uncomfortable?"

Maura shook her head, laughing under her breath, "Why do you keep sitting in it? There are other seats in here after all."

_She has me there_. Jane cocked her head, "I don't know, it's just always the first thing that catches my eye I guess…anyway, report?"

"Not much you don't already know, cause of death is exsanguination due to transection of the left external carotid artery…"

"Weapon?" Jane dug her thumb into her temple and tried to massage out the brewing headache.

"A knife…"

_For Christ's sake_. "Thank you Maura! Yes, obviously a knife, can you tell me anything about it?"

Maura sat back in her chair, "Jane, I know you're frustrated but please don't take it out on me."

"I'm sorry," Jane leaned forward and rested an elbow on each knee, "my bad."

"There were no unique identifying marks in the wound tract to indicate any specific type of blade. I can tell you the wound was made by slicing from the victim's left to right at a downward trajectory indicating the assailant was facing her."

Jane sighed, "You're telling me the bastard was looking her in the eye as he cut her throat."

Maura's lips pursed into a thin line, her voice soft and regretful as she spoke, "It would seem that way."

Both women looked up as there was another knock on the door followed by Frost leaning in, "Hey, dispatch has our numbers if anything breaks, Korsak and I were going to grab a drink at the Robber. You guys wanna join us?"

"Still no sign of the sister?" Maura asked.

Frost shook his head, "Abductor used the father's name when he picked the girls up from camp but we showed the counselors a pic of the father and they said that wasn't the guy. Can't find the father though and no sign of little Kameron, but we've got the Amber Alert out…"

Jane stood, "Yeah, I could use a beer. Maura?"

The doctor nodded, retrieving her purse from her desk.

* * *

><p>"Do you think Frost will ever beat Korsak at darts?" Maura smiled into her wine glass as she took a sip, her eyes fixed on Jane.<p>

Jane laughed, "Yeah, maybe one day…when Korsak finally goes blind. Maybe then."

"Ahh! Forget this!" Frost exasperated, walking away from the dart board as he sorted through some coins in his pocket, "Pool…Jane, Doc…wanna play teams?"

Maura's face lit up at the invitation and Jane shook her head, chuckling to herself as she downed the last of her beer, "What, me and Maura against you and Korsak?"

Jane grabbed a pool stick and began chalking the tip, watching the light cloud of blue particles hand in the air after she blew off the excess, she looked at Maura with one eyebrow cocked, "Not sure that's a fair pairing…" she added with a teasing smile.

Maura crossed her arms, "Pool is a very scientific game, it's all about angles, trajectory and velocity…"

"Well, by all means, Pythagoras, please break for us…" Jane said smugly handing Maura the stick.

"I wasn't aware you were familiar with Pythagoras, Jane. What a pleasant surprise." Maura walked to the end of the pool table and positioned the cue ball.

Jane feigned offense, "Hey, I took geometry…in high school."

"Did you pass?" Korsak deadpanned.

"For that you can buy me another beer…and yes, I passed…with a D+." Jane looked at Maura who was preparing to break, "Oh for the love, Maura! At least hold the stick right!"

Jane stepped up behind Maura and reached around her, placing first her right hand over Maura's right and sliding it down the stick, "Put your right hand here, loosen up, don't choke it, this is where your driving power comes from and it's coming from the motion of your arm, not how hard you're gripping with your hand."

Maura felt her skin flush as Jane leaned in closer against her back as she positioned her left hand, she could feel Jane's pelvis moulding around her backside, firm breasts pressed into her shoulder blades and light exhalations of breath tease across her neck, "There are a couple of different ways to guide the stick but for you, you'll have the most control if you run it over your middle finger while your index finger rests over the stick to guide it, but don't squeeze down…ok?"

Maura nodded, words hitching in her throat as she hoped Jane didn't feel how her hand trembled at the detective's touch.

Jane stepped back and took her beer from Korsak, "Aim slightly off center, and remember to follow through." She made a demonstrative motion as she said it, the jostling causing a few drops of beer to crest at the lip of the glass and dribble over.

Frost cleared his throat, trying to stifle the smirk that was threatening to spread across his face.

"What?" Jane looked at him with sincere cluelessness.

"Nothing…absolutely nothing," he took a sip of his beer and raised an eyebrow as Maura made a half-decent break, the blue and white striped 10 ball plunking down the corner pocket.

"Hey! What can I say I'm a good coach! Good job, Maur," she turned to Frost and Korsak, "We'll be stripes."

* * *

><p>Jane walked the block to Maura's car slowly, hands resting causally in the pockets of her trousers, enjoying the slight breeze that had picked up taking the edge off the evening humidity. She glanced over at Maura who seemed to be enjoying their leisurely pace as well.<p>

Maura caught Jane's eye and smiled, "What?" she laughed.

Jane shook her head, "Nothing, just surprised at how well you did at pool, having never played before."

"We still lost."

Without conscious thought to the move Maura took a half step to her right, her arm just barely brushing Jane's as they walked. Jane didn't pull away causing Maura to smile as she noted the stimulation of her arrector pili muscles when the hairs on her arm stood.

"I still can't believe you traded in that gorgeous sports car for…a Prius…a bright blue, Prius," Jane's voice changed noticeably as she said the last word.

"It's a very efficient vehicle…and blue happens to be my favorite color," Maura defended.

"I'm sure it is, just surprises me that you'd choose…this, and I didn't know blue was your favorite color." Jane fastened her seatbelt and watched Maura pull hers across her chest before snapping the buckle in the receiver.

"Why?" Maura looked up as Jane's eyes quickly bounced up as she turned her head to face forward.

"Why what?" Jane swallowed, _excellent recovery you moron, why were you looking at her tits anyway?_

"Why would it surprise you I'd choose this car?"

"I don't know, the Lexus just seemed more…you. You know, it was…I don't know…sexy." Jane winced as she said it. _Sexy? Really, Jane? Idiot. She's going to think you're some kind of…_

"Eco-consciousness is the new sexy," Maura replied with a smile.

Jane snorted, "Whatever you say, Maur."

Maura pulled up in front of Jane's apartment; her hands gripped and ungripped the steering the wheel.

"Sure you're not too tired to drive yourself home?" Jane asked.

_Maybe I should say yes, but that would be a lie_, "No, I'll be fine," Maura smiled, reaching into the backseat to retrieve Jane's blazer and hand it to her.

"Ok, cause you know you're more than welcome to crash here if you need to…" Jane's voice trailed off, she replayed the sentence in her head and her tone sounded off. _Maybe I had one too many beers tonight._

"No, that's ok, I'd have to get up especially early in the morning to go home and change," Maura forced a smile as she said it.

Jane hopped out of the car, paused and then leaned back in, "M'kay, well drive safe…uh, text me or something, let me know you got home alright…Night, Maur."

Jane shut the door and trotted up the stairs, Maura waited until she was inside. _Goodnight Jane._


	2. Black and White

**Notes:** Thanks to everyone for the reviews so far, I know CH 1 was a little slow due to setting the scene but I promise it gets more interesting!

**Spoiler: 2.01**

**CH 2: Black and White**

Maura slipped off her heels with a relieved sigh before she even entered the house, pausing to flex her toes against the gritty pavement of the front stoop. She padded to the window that viewed the yard and drew back the curtain to look across the silver moonlit space to the black silhouette of the unilluminated guesthouse. Glancing at her watch Maura finally realized just how late it was; naturally Angela had already gone to bed.

The pain in her feet was unusual; she was more than accustomed to long days in heels. Maura looked at the black stilettos she was still holding; _perhaps I'll reserve these for shorter excursions_. She tucked the shoes into their rightful nook in the closet as she slid the zipper down the back of her dress and stepped out of it. A good once over as she hung it revealed no stains; it would be suitable for one more wearing before needing to be dry-cleaned. Her bra folded and situated in the appropriate drawer she flushed as she slid her black panties down to reveal the embarrassing reminder of her reaction to Jane's pool instruction from earlier.

Standing naked in the master bathroom, Maura tilted her head from side to side, crinkling her brow as she viewed the excited red blush that still streaked from her chest up her neck. She closed her eyes and felt a stinging in her lower back as she recalled the way Jane pressed into her from behind. The heat spread as she imagined what the coarse black trousers would have felt like against her bare skin, wavy ebony locks cascading from behind over her bare shoulder. What it would feel like if it were Jane's hand sliding over her breast, down her torso and in between her legs instead of her own. Jane's long fingers pushing down to find a pool of wetness…

_No._

Maura stopped and pulled her hand back. _It's not appropriate._

She washed her face and shimmied into a clean pair of underwear and a silk camisole before crawling into bed. The emptiness of the room hung around her, darkness, devoid of shape. She fought closing her eyes for fear of the sensations her mind would conjure.

_Black and white, Maura, friends don't think about their friends when they…_

She took a deep breath and exhaled; then another, letting her eyes slowly ease shut to more blackness: empty, hot and painful. Then the feeling of Jane's breath on her neck. The smoldering trail of her fingertips as they acted without permission, crawling under the waistband of her underwear.

_No._

Maura rolled over with a guttural growl, grabbing a pillow with both hands and pulling it down to bury her face in. She fought the stifling fabric and its downy cushion until she couldn't stand it, turning her head as she gasped for a breath.

_Black and white…_

Her hand slid between her body and the mattress, working its way down again, breaching the firmly inappropriate barrier of her underwear.

_Black and…grey…_

She rolled her hips to her own strokes, squeezing her eyes tightly as she bit down on her lower lip.

_Jane._

* * *

><p>"Well, the kidnapper wasn't Carlos Thompson," Frost put his hands on his hips with a sigh as he turned to face Jane, who looked down with a burning fury in her eyes at the body of Kaleah and Kameron Washington's father.<p>

"Dammit!" Jane threw her elbow into the flimsy bathroom door of the ratty motel room, "TOD Maura? Roughly? And none of the hemming and hawing about not liking to guess we've still got a missing five year old out there…"

Maura looked up with every intention of protesting but desperate and apologetic brown eyes looked back at her, pleading, "My best…estimate…based on rigor, approximately twelve hours."

Jane nodded looking at Frost, "He still could have been in on it; he was alive when the girls were kidnapped."

"I'll know more when I get the body back to the lab," Maura stood as Jane tried to squeeze by out of the tiny bathroom, their bodies bumping together causing Jane to throw an arm around Maura's waist for balance as she stumbled back into the door.

Maura gasped at the jolt that shot through her body.

Jane straightened herself up and patted Maura on the shoulder, "Careful, Maur," she said with a smile and a hint of jest, "you wouldn't want to fall in that pool of reddish brown stain."

* * *

><p>Kaleah and Kameron Washington's mother sat in interview 1; she was a mess, not that she was anything even close to an attractive woman on a good day the past 24 hours had certainly wreaked unusual havoc on her appearance. She wore a tattered t-shirt and dirty, stained cut-off jean shorts a good two sizes too small. Her hair shot out in every conceivable direction from under the kerchief she had haphazardly tied around her head. If Jane had to wager, she'd bet Shanae Washington hadn't stopped crying since she arrived to pick her girls up at camp the day before only to discover they were gone.<p>

Jane set a bottle of water down on the table in front of Shanae and took a seat.

"That no good joint smoking deadbeat sorry ass excuse of a man!" Shanae choked out between sobs, "If he had something to do with taking my babies I'm glad that fool is dead!"

Jane pulled a few tissues from the box and handed them to the grief-stricken woman, "Ms. Washington, right now we don't know what Carlos' involvement might have been. That's why we need a list…of anyone you can think of that would have regular contact with Carlos, who would he see on a day to day basis, who might have seen him over the past couple of days…do you think you can do that for me?"

Shanae nodded, taking the pad and pen from Jane, she started to write.

"Addresses, phone numbers, work place…anything we can use to get in contact with these people," Jane stood and started to leave the room.

"Detective…find my baby, please find my baby."

Jane's face fell but she forced a nod, this was the worst part of the job, the victims were hard especially children but staring into a mother's eyes was excruciating, "We're doing our best."

* * *

><p>The morgue door swung open with purpose, "Talk to me Maura."<p>

"Same COD, exsanguination from transection of the external carotid artery. Mr. Thompson has secondary stab wounds as well, blunt force trauma to the face and ligature marks on the wrists and ankles…" Maura handed her findings to Jane.

"So he was bound and beaten before his throat was slit."

Maura nodded.

"Which means most likely he wasn't in on the kidnapping, he was a victim as well…" Jane growled in frustration.

She followed Maura into her office, noticing a slight irregularity in her gait, "Are you shorter?" Jane looked down, "Dr. Maura Isles, wearing flats, thought I'd never see the day."

Maura looked over shoulder with a smirk, "Very funny," she retorted taking a seat on the couch in her office, "The heels I wore yesterday proved to be a less than stellar choice for such long hours."

"Give you blisters?" Jane looked down sympathetically at Maura's feet.

"Yes."

"Lemme see," she reached for Maura's ankle.

"No!" Maura protested folding her legs underneath her.

"Come on, I get blisters all the time, especially during league basketball season."

"That's a sign of poorly fit footwear," Maura offered.

"Yeah? Maybe I should get some of those platypus shoes like you wanted to run the marathon in," Jane laughed.

"I told you then I bought you a pair, you're more than welcome to them…you're teasing me aren't you?"

"Little bit, now lemme see," she grabbed Maura's ankle and ripped it out from under her, flipping off the plain black ballet flat in order to begin her inspection.

Jane winced as she peeled back the band-aid to reveal an oozing mess on Maura's heel, "Ouch," she observed as she tacked the bandage back down. One hand began a deep massage of the sole of Maura's foot as the other worked a knowledgeable magic around the ankle.

Maura's eyes fluttered as she felt a tingle travel up from her foot and settle in the pit of her stomach, "You really don't have to…"

"You gave me enough backrubs after the shooting, least I can do," Jane caught Maura's eye and smiled

Several minutes passed in silence as Jane worked methodically over Maura's foot and then beckoned for the other to give it equal treatment. She worked her thumbs deeply into each sole until the scar tissue on her palms ached. A smile crept on her face as she glanced at Maura, her eyes closed and a serene look of gratitude spread out through a barely upturned grin.

"Falling asleep on me, Maur?" Jane asked softly as she reached down and retrieved Maura's shoes from the floor and slipped each one back on.

"Mmm, sorry, that was very relaxing. Thank you."

* * *

><p>"Where have you been?" Korsak asked taking a long draw off of a piping hot cup of coffee.<p>

"Down in the morgue, getting the report from Maura," Jane sat on the edge of her desk, "Same COD as Kaleah, but Carlos was also beaten and bound. We get many leads off Ms. Washington?"

Frost waved the list of names that Shanae had written down, "Yeah, let's just say Carlos Thompson ran in some rough crowds. I'm not sure there's a name on this list that doesn't have a record, armed robbery, first degree assault, possession…of…just about anything you can be in possession of that you shouldn't, should I go on?"

"I think we get the picture," Jane sighed burying her face in her hand, she took a deep breath, the powdery scent of Maura's lotion still clinging to her skin.

Korsak reached up and adjusted his tie, "Well, let's get on it, start tracking people down."

* * *

><p>A faint whine could be heard and the shadow of a tiny black nose crept out from under the door as Jane approached her apartment. The whining was soon replaced by a gleeful bark as Joe Friday greeted her owner. Jane paused, glancing around, taking note of what her mother had moved around, at least there were no more attempts at painting. <em>Pink… "Begonia," she had to have lost her mind. <em> She pulled a note off the tv screen, "Fed and walked Joe, gnocchi in the fridge ~ Ma."

For once Jane didn't mind the intrusion, she was exhausted and in no mood for Joe's evening walk. To top it off she was starving; they had all skipped lunch.

Joe couldn't scrabble across the floor fast enough when Jane set her empty plate, save for the remainder of some sauce, on the floor, "Good girl," Jane encouraged scratching the dog's neck, "nature's finest pre-rinse."

The television droned on in the background, a pleasant man's voice with a soothing British accent seemed oddly misplaced as it prattled on about the history of modern warfare and weapons of mass destruction. The topic drew Jane's mind to Casey. Her hand wandered absentmindedly to the scars on her abdomen, her fingers tracing the rough outline of the wound. The recollection of the wet warmth of her own blood all those months ago, shouting all around and everything was upside down.

_Maura._

Her hand pressed against the hole, the panicked look on her face. Jane slid her hand behind her back and felt the raised up tissue from the exit.

_Casey._

His hand stroked over the area the night he'd laid in bed with her. Her chest tightened. _Regret?_ She wasn't sure what the feeling was that gripped her when she thought about that night having gone no further than sleeping.

And now there was no pain, and no one but herself. Jane unbuttoned her pants and slid her hand inside her black cotton boyshorts.


	3. Red All Over Pt I

**Notes:** Thanks to everyone for the reviews so far, I love hearing your comments and reactions so keep them coming please!

**CH 3: Red All Over (Part I)**

DeMarcus Crandall squirmed in his seat inside the interview room. They'd pulled him off a construction site at 9:30 am that morning and he already smelled like five-day old gym clothes that had marinated in the trunk of a car in the Kalahari Desert after a booze-tastic weekend bender.

"The A/C's on in there right?" Jane looked over at Frost with a pained expression on her face.

Frost shook his hands and cracked his neck, "We could always ask the Doc for masks…"

"No sense putting it off, let's do this," Jane led the way.

They walked into the interview room and immediately paused as they acclimated themselves to the smell. If DeMarcus Crandall was aware of his own stench it didn't bother him, but he snorted indicating amusement at the detectives' reaction. Jane and Frost took a seat opposite him.

"Mr. Crandall, we understand you're Carlos Thompson's best friend?" Jane asked.

The burly man stopped twitching in his seat and looked the wiry, dark-haired detective up and down, "Yeah…yeah, Carlos is my homey."

"We're sure you've heard then about Kaleah and Kameron?" Jane watched the man intently, analyzing his body language.

"Yeah…'s fucking messed up. You should catch who ever did that shit."

"That's what we're trying to do, have you spoken to Carlos in the past couple of days?" Jane watched as DeMarcus' eyes darted around the room.

"Yeah, we talked."

"Did Carlos say anything of possible interest to this case when you spoke, can you tell us anything about his whereabouts over the past couple of days?" Jane was growing impatient.

"Can't say."

"Your best friend's daughters have been kidnapped, one of them murdered, what do you mean you can't say," Frost's voice carried an overt tone of exasperation.

"Like I said, Carlos is my homey. If my homey says don't say nothin' to no one, not even if the cops come knocking, then I don't say nothin', you feel me?" DeMarcus met Frost's eyes with a stern glare.

"No man, I don't 'feel you'," Frost slammed the crime scene photos of Carlos Thompson down on the table, his body in a pool of bright red blood a striking contrast to the white tile of the motel bathroom floor, "because your homey's situation has changed, as you can see, for the worst and if you have any information that can help us find Kameron Washington, by God you better start talking!"

Jane watched her partner with amused pride.

"Fuck me man," DeMarcus looked down at the photos, "Fuck…shit…look Carlos got his ass messed up in some bad business ok. He was in a spot, guarding product for King Willy, some shit went down and a whole load of product was lifted on Carlos' watch. King told Carlos he had to come up with the money or else. Carlos was losing his shit trying to come up with that money, look that's all I know."

Frost looked at Jane and then back at DeMarcus, "Where can we find this King Willy?"

"Hell if I know man, I quit messing with that business when I got out the joint the last time. Tryin' to be legit now, construction, odd jobs. I try to stay away from those people, shit's good for the wallet but bad for your freedom."

* * *

><p>Korsak was waiting for them in the hallway when they finished up, "Get on the horn with Vice, see if you can find out who this King Willy is."<p>

"On it," Jane replied as she and Frost made their way back to the bullpen.

Frost paused, "What about Mr. I'm on the up and up in there?"

"No reason to hold him, cut him loose…before it takes maintenance a week to scrub the smell out," Korsak replied.

* * *

><p>"New case?" Jane asked, eying the body bag on the table as Maura signed some paperwork.<p>

"Detective Crowe's, suspected rape/homicide out near Fenway."

Jane watched Maura walk towards the body, "How's the blister?"

Maura smiled, "Much better, thank you."

"You probably want to get started on that autopsy but Frost and I are waiting on a new lead to pan out so we're going to grab some lunch with Korsak if you want to join us," Jane scuffed her foot back and forth along the floor, the heel of her boot scraping out a dull tap.

"I suppose I could start the autopsy after lunch, let me grab my purse," Maura headed towards her office and re-emerged not failing to notice Jane's gaze, which had settled on her chest.

"See something you like?" Maura quipped as they made their way towards the elevator, turning her head so Jane couldn't see the smirk.

_What the…_ "Uh, new blouse?" Jane countered.

"It is."

Jane glanced down before quickly averting her eyes back to the elevator door, "It uh, looks nice on you."

Maura ran her hand over the red ruffle of the silk blouse's plunging neckline, "Thank you, Jane."

"Welcome."

* * *

><p>"Red's a good color on you, Doc," Frost complimented as they stood in line to order.<p>

Jane glared at him from behind momentarily before rolling her eyes. _I think what you mean, Barry, is that cleavage is a good color on her._

"Why thank you Barry, there was an unfortunate incident at the dry cleaners with my other red blouse so I had to buy a new one," Maura smiled as she continued to peruse the café's menu.

Jane began to shuffle through her pockets for the vibrating phone, "Rizzoli…yeah…address? We're on our way." She jammed the phone back in her pocket with a stern but satisfied grin, "Vice came through with some info off one of their CI's. We've got a potential hideout address on King Willy, lunch will have to wait."

* * *

><p>The street was lined with dilapidated houses. Many of the residents sat outside on front porches or in driveways, most likely to escape the pooling humidity that accumulated inside their unairconditioned residences. They passed a group of children that were scampering back and forth through a sprinkler and Jane couldn't help but think that's what Kaleah and Kameron Washington could be doing right now, if only... Some of the men stood, glaring at the unmarked as it drove by.<p>

"I got a bad feeling about this," Frost stated.

Neither Jane nor Korsak replied as they pulled into the drive of the small brick house. It sat at the end of the cul-de-sac flanked on each side by several boarded up houses in various stages of disrepair. Frost and Korsak exited the car first but Jane paused, twisting to look at Maura in the backseat, "You stay here."

Maura nodded.

They weren't halfway to the door when shots rang out, shattering a curtained front window sending all three detectives straight to the ground before sprinting back to the car and taking shelter behind the doors. A few more rounds popped off from inside the house and pinged off the hood.

Korsak reached for the radio, "We got shots fired, repeat, shots fired. Requesting back up, 258 East Redbriar Street."

Jane crawled to the back door and opened it where she found Maura plastered to the seat, her eyes wide as she panted for air, her face an adrenaline induced crimson, nearly matching the bright hue of her blouse, "You ok?"

Maura nodded.

"Get on the floor," Jane motioned for Maura to move, "Stay there, I'll get you out of here as soon as backup arrives. Deep breaths Maur, it'll be ok."

Maura moved to the floor of the vehicle, fighting the tears that were welling up behind her eyes. _Not again, please, not again._

It seemed like an eternity but the reality was in only five minutes the wailing sound of sirens filled the street with a cacophony of activity, doors slamming, shouting, orders being given, an unidentifiable voice over a bullhorn ordering the suspect to come out. Maura looked up and could see the red reflection of swirling siren lights in the rearview mirror.

"Maur…Maura!"

Maura looked up to see Jane's hand extended, "It's ok, SWAT's got us covered so we can fall back."

She reached out and took Jane's hand, squeezing it desperately as she crawled out of the car to join Jane behind three SWAT officers with riot shields. She started to stand.

"Don't…" Jane put her arm around Maura's waist, still surrendering her other hand to the Medical Examiner's vice grip, "…stay low. See that tactical assault truck over there? We're going to go slowly until we're behind it, ok?"

Maura nodded.

"Don't look so scared Maura, it's going to be ok," Jane's hand was resting on Maura's ribcage and she gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"It's just…it…reminds me of…" Maura's breath caught in her throat as she tried to say it.

Jane leaned closer to Maura's ear, "I know…but it's not going to end like that."

Safely behind the tactical assault truck Jane and Maura finally stood all the way up. Jane couldn't stop the laugh, half to deflect the stress and half because she couldn't believe her own idiotic luck at finding herself in yet another ridiculous life-endangering scenario.

"Just another day at the office," she quipped before noticing Maura wiping furiously at a trickle of tears. "Hey, hey," Jane replaced Maura's fingers with her own as she wiped at the tears, "It's ok, no one's hurt…"

"Jane! We've got a K-9," Korsak called out.

Jane nodded, looking back at Maura, "Sit tight, ok."

Sgt. Christine Kelly stepped out of the BPD SUV and immediately began putting on her vest. She checked her belt and her gear and then double-checked it before finally turning around. She stood for a second, eying Jane Rizzoli from behind dark black shades before removing them. Her copper hair was pulled back in a tight bun and she squinted as her crystal blue eyes adjusted to the piercing afternoon light.

_She looks…very…Irish_, Jane mused.

"Sgt. Kelly," the redhead announced as she extended her hand.

"Detective Rizzoli."

They shook.

"Yeah, I'm familiar with your work," Kelly replied

Jane patted her side, "Word gets around I suppose."

"That it does…situation?" Kelly cut to the chase.

If Jane had replied that she was familiar with Sgt. Kelly's work it wouldn't have been false. Two tours in Iraq with military K-9, a decorated soldier, K-9's didn't come cheap and the department had made a spot just for her when her enlistment was over. Some might have assumed it was because her father had been a legend on the force; he had, but word was she was the real deal in her own right, no nonsense, all business and her dog had the stats to prove it.

"Suspect in a kidnapping, double-murder inside. Fired shots on us when we rolled up," Jane plugged her right ear as she spoke, the shrill barking from the dog inside the vehicle reverberating in her ear.

"Number of people inside?" Kelly asked.

Jane's jaw clenched, "Suspect, unknown if any other adults, possibly a five year old kidnap victim."

Kelly arched an eyebrow, "What am I here for?" Her voice was deadpan.

Jane looked at Korsak, confused, "Uh, K-9 support for SWAT entry?" _Obviously._

"You're serious?" Kelly laughed as she said it, "You want a blind send into shots fired with unknown number of suspects?"

"In case you didn't hear us…" Jane's voice amped up with brewing frustration, "…we've got a five year old little girl in there whose sister and father have been murdered…"

"You, potentially have a five year old little girl in there," Kelly corrected, "and no eyes and no ears to the situation inside the house. It's tactically unsound to send the K-9 on entry."

"Our number one priority is to secure the safety of that little girl," Korsak countered stepping into the fray.

"My number one priority is to deploy my partner with the best chance of success and in the interest of his safety, my fellow officers' safety and the safety of any victims. I'm sorry detectives, but you can't order me to send the dog."

"No, but I can," Lt. Cavanaugh emerged from behind the SUV.


	4. Red All Over Pt 2

**Notes:** This chapter depicts a police scenario that some may find disturbing. I don't consider it gratuitous nor really even that descriptive, other than the aftermath. I'm just placing this warning here just in case.

**CH 4: Red All Over (pt 2)**

Jane rejoined Maura as the entry team positioned themselves. She could see the look of worry on the Medical Examiner's face and felt the guilt stirring in her own gut. _Guilt. Fuck._ She thought she was over that from the Marino incident, feelings spurred on by family and friends who seemed to worry now if the breeze blew too strongly. As if she was some fragile leaf that would be carried away by it. _They have to get over it, it's my job; everyone has to get over. Maura has to get over it._

"What are they going to do?" Maura asked, trying to push the fear aside. She had to; had to try. _It's her job; you have to find a way to live with this. _ But it was difficult; she had almost lost Jane once. That fear that didn't exist before had been ignited and it burned, constantly. _Anyone that can't handle me doing this job, I can't be with them._ Jane's words rang through her ears. In the deepest pit of her being though, it wasn't even about finding a way to quiet the fear in hopes that Jane would reciprocate her feelings, these feelings that had started to burn just as strongly as the fear in the aftermath of the shooting. No, Maura Isles, ever the rational scientist could list as many reasons why Jane couldn't be, wouldn't be attracted to her in a more than platonic way as she could think of reasons why she might. It wasn't about trying to take that next step. If she wanted to keep even her friendship, she had to find a way.

Jane watched, listened as the negotiator gave the suspect one last chance to exit on his own, "They'll send in the K-9 and SWAT will make entry, secure the house and then I'll be able to go in."

Maura nodded, "The K-9 officer…"

"Sgt. Kelly," Jane added.

"Sgt. Kelly, she disagrees with this approach," Maura asked, the questioning helping settle her and take her mind off their earlier brush.

"Yeah, she doesn't find it tactically sound, but if Kameron Washington is in there, we need every advantage…" Jane paused as SWAT prepared their entry.

Sgt. Kelly moved to the front of the team, she had a vice grip on the agitation collar fitted snuggly around the red sable Belgian Malinois' neck. The dog strained, standing on his hind legs, barking furiously his black lips curled in anticipation as frothy droplets of saliva sprayed from his mouth. Jane could hear Sgt. Kelly shout one final warning as her heart began to pound; she'd never been on a scene when a K-9 was deployed. It was exhilarating, watching the dog beg to do what it had been trained for. Sgt. Kelly marked the window with her hand for her four-legged partner, the same window that had been shattered by the suspect's earlier gunfire.

"She's gonna send the dog through the window," Jane stated out loud. Maura moved to Jane's side to watch.

In one fluid motion Sgt. Kelly released her hold on her partner as the dog streaked forward launching through the opening. What had been a raucous din of police activity fell silent, every officer on the outside inhaling but holding their breath collectively.

One heartbeat. Two heartbeats. Three heartbeats. Shots.

The entry team had the front door smashed open as soon as the shots rang out.

Six heartbeats. Seven heartbeats. Eight heartbeats. Nine heartbeats…

"K-9 DOWN!" Sgt. Kelly's voice bellowed from the doorway as she charged out of the house, 90 lbs of golden brown fur smeared with red gathered awkwardly and hanging limply from her arms.

Her face was its own furor induced shade of crimson as she made her way to her vehicle, "Dr. Isles right! Help me!" she yelled.

Maura froze, looking at Jane whose mouth was hanging open in disbelief.

"DOCTOR!" Sgt. Kelly's voice ratcheted up again, "You're a doctor right? Help me!"

Maura ran to the vehicle where Sgt. Kelly had managed to get the dog inside, "I'm not a vet, I mean I don't know…"

Sgt. Kelly was practically hoisting Maura into the back of the vehicle, "There's a first aid kit back there, do your best, just keep him alive."

Before she could really take stock of what was happening the door slammed behind her and the vehicle was all smoke and squealing tires, and the blaring sound of sirens as Sgt. Kelly peeled off the block.

"What…What's his name?" Maura asked timidly, as she applied pressure to the profusely bleeding gunshot wound in the dog's chest.

There was a pause and despite the roaring siren, Maura could hear the Sergeant fighting back tears, "Grecco," she finally answered, "His name is Grecco."

* * *

><p><em>Fuck.<em> Jane stood, momentarily bewildered, running her hand through her hair repetitively.

Cavanaugh appeared in front of her, "I made the call Rizzoli. It was my call."

She nodded, though his reassurance gave her no comfort.

"They're bringing him out," Korsak pointed as the entry team hauled out King Willy.

They made their way back to the house.

"All clear detectives," one of the SWAT officers said as they approached.

"What?" Jane couldn't believe it; she didn't want to believe it.

"All clear" he repeated, "No one else inside the house."

"Dammit!" Jane yelled, she turned her back on the house and looked up at the sky trying to quell her frustration. She picked up the conversation of two of the entry team members as they passed her.

"Crazy ass dog, was still latched onto his shooting arm when we got there, with two in the chest."

"Damn fine dog."

* * *

><p>Maura stood in the lobby of the veterinary clinic that serviced the K-9 unit. She looked down at her hands. <em>Red. All Over.<em> She curled her fingers and watched as the sticky fluid stretched across the creases of her palm. _It was everywhere and so fast._ Seeping through her shirt, pooling on the sidewalk. _Don't leave me._ Warm between her fingers as she tried to hold it in as if her touch could put it back in the veins. _Jane!_

"Ma'am? Ma'am…" finally the vet tech touched her arm.

"Yes! I'm sorry, I…" Maura looked around and finally noticed the shocked and sympathetic faces of the few regular patients that were in the lobby.

"We have a bathroom where you can wash off," the tech replied, guiding Maura down a short hall off the lobby and directing her into a bathroom.

When she emerged, the lobby was empty. The waiting clients having been asked to leave, a "Closed due to Emergency" sign had been placed in the window of the front door. Only Sgt. Kelly was in the lobby, sitting in one of the uniform grey chairs against the wall, slumped over, her hands clasped together and hanging limply between her legs.

Maura didn't know what it was like to lose a pet; Bass was her first. But, then this wasn't really the same thing as having a pet. She didn't know what it was like to lose a partner either in the law enforcement sense; she didn't have a partner of course. But she did know what it was like to watch your best friend get shot, and to feel helpless and terrified and have their blood, a wet red reminder, smeared all over you, indelible, unable to wash it off as if there weren't enough soap in the world.

She sat down in the chair next to Sgt. Kelly.

"He's in surgery…I'm sorry I sort of threw you in the back of my truck. I just thought of everyone there, you might could help him," Kelly sat up and looked at Maura as she managed a faint smile of thanks.

"It's ok…" she couldn't think of any other words for the moment, nothing in her head sounded right but the blue eyes that looked back at her begged for something, anything and she knew that feeling. She understood that need to have someone chase the darkness away; words could never do it, but anything was better than nothing. She had needed it when the hospital staff forcibly restrained her from following Jane's gurney into the operating room. She had looked in their eyes, in Korsak's eyes, in Frost's eyes. _Tell me she'll be ok._ And they had mustered every ounce of strength they had and they had looked her in the eye and told her Jane would be fine, even though at the time it felt like a lie.

She couldn't do it though; she couldn't find the same strength to lie to Sgt. Kelly, "I watched a special on police K-9s once. I think it was on the History Channel…"

Sgt. Kelly laughed a little and smiled, "Yeah?"

"It was fascinating," Maura continued, "the dedication of the officers, what the dogs can be trained to do. The part about canine olfactory sensitivity was particularly interesting…"

"If you asked me on any other day," Sgt Kelly interrupted, "I'd tell you it's the best job in the world."

The vet emerged, his look said everything and Maura watched as Sgt. Kelly walked towards him and as his voice whispered a faint, "I'm sorry."

* * *

><p>Maura felt like an outsider as she waited in the lobby. The other K-9 officers had arrived with many members of the SWAT team and they all circled around Sgt. Kelly. Kelly cried; the other officers teared up as well. That surprised her. They praised the dog, his final action and then the stories started to flow, apparently Grecco had originally been paired with Sgt. Cross and when the dog wouldn't out on a bite and Cross had gone in to correct him he'd gone up the leash and nabbed Cross right in the groin, dangerously close to the family jewels. Apparently that was humorous as they all laughed. Cross smiled and called the dog a nasty son of a bitch but a hell of a good dog. They joked about Grecco being a ladies man and putting them all to shame once he was reassigned to Kelly. She told a story about the night Grecco learned to open the refrigerator, naturally after she'd just stocked it with 200 bucks in groceries. She came home to an empty fridge and a pot-bellied dog on his back with all four feet in the air, she swore he took one look at her and burped. She installed a pad lock on the fridge the next day.<p>

Jane entered the vet clinic and walked over to Maura, "Sorry it took me so long to get here…the dog?"

Maura shook her head, "Didn't make it."

"Dammit," Jane glanced over at the group of K-9 and SWAT officers, "Ok, well, Kameron Washington wasn't in that house so we've still got work to do, let's get back to the station. Lemme just…go…say something to Sgt. Kelly…"

"Jane, maybe that's not a good idea," Maura said, placing her hand lightly on Jane's arm but Jane proceeded forward anyway.

The other officers stepped aside as Jane approached.

"Sergeant, I'm…" Jane couldn't complete the sentence; the fist came out of nowhere and landed with surprising force spreading its punishing blow across her nose and mouth. With no expectation of the punch Jane found herself flat on her back, dazed as she gasped for air.

Two of the K-9 officers grabbed Sgt. Kelly and hauled her into the back of the clinic.

"Jane!" Maura was on the floor by Jane's side, her hands once again finding their way to blood as she used her thumbs and the heel of her palm to wipe at the red streaks oozing out of Jane's nose and from her split lip.

"Ow," Jane moaned, still somewhat disoriented before she regained her full faculties and looked up at Maura, "That bitch just punched me."


	5. Pretty and Purple

**Notes:** I want to thank everyone who is reading and reviewing! I am really loving the comments on Sgt. Kelly and reading all the different takes and feelings on her character. It is really quite interesting to see all of the mixed reviews on her. This chapter is a little needed emotional processing.

**CH 5: Pretty and Purple**

King Willy, aka Gerard Williams had lawyered up before he was even in a squad car. After thirty minutes of "no comment" from his slimeball attorney Jane had had enough.

"Throw his ass back in lockup," she growled as she exited the interview room, her chair tumbling to the floor as the door slammed behind her.

Detective Billings from Vice was standing by Jane's desk when she got back to the bullpen, "Hey Rizzoli, brought you our files on Williams…"

"Jesus Christ, Billings, files? More like dossier. We'll take a look but give me the quick and dirty," Jane touched her throbbing lip and winced.

Billings chuckled and pointed, "What the fuck happened this time? You're like a walking disaster Rizzoli."

"Thanks man, you know just another day on the job getting socked in the face by Sgt. Kelly."

"Gotta watch those redheads, I hear they've got tempers, that's gonna be all kinds of pretty and purple tomorrow" he joked as Jane gave him her best no shit look, "Anyway, we've been on Williams for awhile. Pretty sure he's running some major drugs into and out of Boston but he keeps a tight rein on his people and we haven't been able to flip anyone or concretely tie him to any of his suspected product. We did bust him on facilitation of prostitution about a year ago. One of his Hos was far more willing to talk than his Bros. She said he was pimpin' about twenty girls, but we couldn't get any others to come forward. About a month before the trial our talker wound up dead. Williams probably arranged it but we couldn't prove it. So, good luck nailing this bastard."

Jane, Frost and Korsak poured over the files for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. Williams' laundry list of criminal behavior both documented and suspected all led to one very simple conclusion: he was what Jane could only describe as scum of the earth. _I'll be damned if he's not our guy_, she thought flipping another page. A light touch on her shoulder gave her a start, as she instinctively jerked away from the contact.

"Sorry, didn't mean to sneak up on you," Maura said.

Jane glanced down and saw that Maura wasn't wearing her shoes, hence why she hadn't heard the familiar click of her heels the telltale signal of her arrival that could generally be heard the second the fashion forward ME stepped off the elevator.

"It's ok, I was just zoning out on these files that Vice brought up on Williams."

"Are you planning on staying here all night," Maura asked, a look of pained concern on her face as she gently grasped Jane by the chin and turned her head in order to get a look at the bruising and swelling from Sgt. Kelly's punch, "You really should have kept ice on that all afternoon. It's turning purple."

Jane half-heartedly swatted at Maura's hand, "Thanks Ma," she replied as she rolled her eyes, "besides, purple was always a good color on me, and no, I'm not staying all night I was just about to pack a few of these files up and take them home."

"Have you eaten at all today?" Maura stepped aside as Jane stood and loaded some of the files into her bag before grabbing her keys.

"Eaten? No, no I don't guess I have," Jane looked at Maura, the begging look in her hazel eyes, the slight puffyness around them. _Has she been crying?_ "Do you want to grab some takeout and eat at my apartment?"

What Jane really wanted was to go home, alone and spend a sleepless night buried in files with the hope that inspiration from the divine would strike her like a lightning bolt from Olympus and reveal the location of Kameron Washington.

Maura bit down lightly on her lower lip as she fidgeted with the ring on her finger, she didn't want to seem needy but she wanted an opportunity to explain some things, if she could find the words.

"Ok, come on," Jane waved for her to follow, "Lucky Panda, on me. I think I even have a bottle of wine you left at my apartment."

* * *

><p>They ate for the most part in relative silence. Jane took a sip of wine and peered over the glass' edge as she watched Maura root through the pile of stir fry vegetables on her plate looking to see if there was any tofu left. She smiled at the calculated look of concentration on Maura's face as no snow pea pod was left unturned. Jane lifted her plate and pushed the last pieces of her tofu onto Maura's.<p>

"How did you know that's what I was looking for?" Maura smiled.

"I can read your mind," Jane smirked as she slurped up another noodle from her lao mein.

"Ah," Maura arched her eyebrows, "I wasn't aware telepathy was one of your skills."

"I have many skills."

"No doubt," Maura eyed their nearly empty wine glasses and refilled them.

"You don't know what that line is from, do you?" Jane laughed, crunching away on her eggroll.

"No…I don't, should I?" Maura asked.

"Only if you were a big Xena Warrior Princess fan…" Jane scanned Maura's face for signs of pop culture recognition, nothing, "Long black hair, leather-wearing, justice dealing, ass-kicking…"

"Can't say as it rings a bell, however I can see what appeal it might have for you," Maura smirked, "Anyway, reading my mind, telepathic…continue," she mumbled taking another bite of her stir fry.

"For instance," Jane continued, "you were crying today, before you came up to the bullpen this evening."

"That's not a sign of a telepathy, Jane, rather a testament to your observational skills based on the noticeable inflammation around my eyes."

Jane huffed, "Ok, I happen to know you were scared today and you want to talk to me about it but you also don't want to talk to me about it because you don't want me to know how scared you were."

Maura set down her chopsticks and wiped her mouth, placing the napkin next to her plate, "Technically what you just described would be empathic ability not telepathy as…"

"Maura!" Jane exclaimed exasperatedly, "Don't do the thing you do when you're trying to avoid talking about something! All science and technicalities and diversion. If you want to talk about today, let's talk about it."

"It's just, I know you don't usually like talking about these things…you're frustrated…with me, with your family, with everyone because you think that we think that you're fragile…because of…" Maura's voice trailed off. _Marino_. The name echoed in her head but she couldn't recall if she'd said it out loud since the shooting. She didn't want the name in her head; she didn't want it rolling off her tongue. She wanted it gone, him gone, his memory vanquished and everything with it that he had done to Jane, to her.

"Now who's the empath," Jane deadpanned setting her own chopsticks across her plate.

"What do you think that says about us?" Maura asked.

"What? That you know how I feel and that I know how you feel?" Jane responded, watching with curiosity as Maura nodded yes. She shrugged, "I'm probably pretty easy to read, I'm sure it doesn't take your fancy facial muscle recognition software to get at what I'm feeling."

"On the contrary," Maura argued, "I find you quite complex. You often wrap your true emotions in physical displays designed to purposefully mislead those around you. You can be very difficult to read."

_Do I do that?_ Jane paused, thinking about what Maura had just said. _Shit, she's right._ "But you can see through it."

Maura smiled, "For the most part, now."

"We're best friends," Jane said, getting up from the table and moving to the sofa as Maura followed her, "We spend a lot of time together. I probably spend more time with you than my own family, we work together, hang out together. I mean, it would make sense we'd be…I don't know, tuned in to each other's feelings. Right?"

"That would make sense," Maura validated, sitting down on the sofa next to Jane.

"So…today?" Jane turned, setting her elbow on the back of the couch in order to prop her head up, "Talk."

Maura closed her eyes and the sensation of that morning's sun was on her face. The feel of stagnant humidity hanging around her and the staccato pops of gunfire rang in her ears as she recalled grasping Jane's hand with desperation when she was finally able to get out of the car. She opened her eyes and looked down to see that Jane was in fact holding her hand. She squeezed it.

"I was scared today. But, I don't think you're weak, Jane. You're my best friend, and I worry about you. Not because I don't think you're capable, or good at your job, quite the opposite I think you're an inspiration. You think we're all afraid for you. I'm not, not afraid for _**you**_ I'm selfish…" Maura paused, looking up as she fought back tears, "…I'm selfish because when I worry about you I'm really worrying about me and what I would do if something happened to you. I never thought about how I would feel or what I would do until…" _Marino_, "…because I had your blood all over me and they took you away and I thought that would be the last time I saw you breathing, that the last time I touched you would be my hands on your body trying to hold your blood inside. I've never had a friend like you, Jane, I've never had anyone in my life like you and I'm selfish because now that I have I can't stand the thought of not having that. And it's not about your job; I need you to understand that it's not. If you had been in a car accident, I'd be scared every time you got behind the wheel. I'm a selfish, horrible person." Maura stopped talking and let the tears finally start streaking down her face.

Jane laughed; she couldn't help it. She knew it probably wasn't the most appropriate reaction given Maura's speech, but it's what came out. A throaty chuckle that rumbled up from her chest.

Maura glared, "You're…laughing at me?"

Jane waved her hands, "No, no! It's just, in your own unique way you just said probably the nicest thing to me anyone's ever said and you think that makes you a horrible person. And you say I'm complex."

Jane scooted closer to Maura and reached out to wipe at the tears on her cheeks, "If anyone's selfish, it's me. I never asked or let you tell me what the shooting did to you. Everybody else has been more than happy to tell me what it did to them, whether I wanted to hear it or not. And you didn't do that, and I didn't bother to ask. I just plowed ahead like I was the only person that got hurt. I can't promise you that nothing will happen to me, I could…shit, I could slip on the soap in the shower tomorrow morning or Joe Friday could wrap around my legs at the top of the stairs…"

Maura giggled, "I don't expect you, or want, or need you to make that promise."

Jane smiles, "I know, and you're the only one who doesn't. I'm sorry I didn't understand…this sooner. Thank you for being my friend, Maura, my best friend."

Maura looked down where her hand was still tangled in Jane's. She brought the back of Jane's hand to her lips and placed a light kiss on it. _Friend._ The word stung a little, but the thought of nothing at all was unbearable.

The sensation of Maura's lips on her hand sent a jolt through Jane's chest. She eased her hand from Maura's hold and immediately felt empty from the broken contact. Clearing the glasses and the plates from the table was a momentary distraction, but Jane looked out from the kitchen at the woman sitting on her sofa. _Your friend, Jane. Friend, remember._ Words spilled out, "Maur, you should just sleep with me tonight…here, sleep here tonight. It's…late." _Sleep with me? For fuck's sake Rizzoli, did you really?_

Jane watched with trepidation for Maura's response, to see if the slip had even registered with her.

Maura stood and smiled, "Thank you, it…would be nice to not be alone after today."

* * *

><p>When her evening bathroom routine was complete Jane emerged to see Maura already fully ensconced in her bed. It reminded Jane of people sleeping in the movies; how they always look perfect and how infuriating it is because nobody really looks like that sleeping. <em>Except Maura.<em>

She turned off the lights and slid under the covers.

"I'll have to get up early to go home and get ready for work," Maura said looking over her shoulder in the darkness.

"No problem, I should get in early and keep going over those Williams files," Jane strained to make out Maura's form. She let her hand ghost along the mattress in the space between them, stopping just short of Maura's back, close enough to feel the heat radiating off the other woman.

"Jane?"

Jane jerked her hand away, "Yeah?"

"I'm glad we talked."

"Me too."


	6. A Divided Blue Line

**Notes:** Thank you to everyone for all your comments. I have found the variety of reactions to the case and Sgt. Kelly really interesting. I love hearing your thoughts and reactions!

**CH 6: A Divided Blue Line**

Lt. Cavanaugh sat at his desk; it was early, too early. He had half-way expected the call he received late in the evening the previous day but his team was stressed and frustrated and he made the decision to spare them the additional burden, at least for the night. The sun had barely been up when he walked through the front doors of headquarters, the bleary eyed officers from the night shifts nodding as they passed. His pencil drummed nervously on his desk. It was part of the job. Sometimes you had to make a call. There was never a perfect situation when it came to fellow officers risking their lives. But, it was part of the job. Sometimes you had to make a call, and he had. He looked at his watch and took another bitter draw off the stale coffee that had sat in the pot all night.

_You can't order me to send the dog._

_No, but I can._

Through the half-drawn blinds of his office door window he saw Jane, Korsak and Frost enter the bullpen, they all looked like they were running high on caffeine and low on patience. He glanced down at his desk calendar and circled the late morning appointment with Internal Affairs. He had made the call. That was all that mattered.

_And I'd make the same one again._

Cavanaugh cracked his neck and squared his shoulders as he walked to his door, opening it to a surprised team who thought they'd be the only ones in that early, "I need you three in my office."

They walked warily in and took a seat in chairs while Cavanaugh sat on the front edge of his desk.

"Last night I got a call from Internal Affairs, I have a debriefing with them at 10am this morning on the Gerard Williams fiasco from yesterday and the loss of the K-9…" he tried with difficulty to keep his voice steady, frank and unalarming.

"Wait, Sgt. Kelly file a complaint or something?" Jane's eyes flashed with anger as she thought about her throbbing lip and her refusal to file a complaint against Kelly the previous day.

Cavanaugh held up his hand, "Easy Rizzoli, no, Sgt. Kelly didn't file a complaint. The department treats the loss of a canine officer the same as if it were any one of you. For us it may seem like just a dog, but he was on officer, with every bit as much money and time invested into his training and employment on the force as a human officer. Dual-purpose K-9s like that one can cost as much a patrol officer's yearly salary, factor in training costs and everything else and having to replace him…they'll investigate and make sure that everything was done by the book."

"It was the right call, Lt.," Korsak offered.

The older man nodded, "I've gone over it in my head all night. I wouldn't do anything different and I think IA will see it that way too. But, the reason I called you in here is because you were the lead officers and first on scene so IA may call you for an interview. I want you all to remember, I made that call; do you understand me? I ordered Sgt. Kelly to deploy the K-9. It was my call." Cavanaugh looked sternly from Korsak to Frost to Jane, holding her eye a little longer than the others. They were his team, and they were a good one and if anyone was going to catch hell for the K-9's death, Cavanaugh was willing to step up and take it.

They all nodded silently.

"Ok," he sighed with an air of relief, "get back to work, you've still got a missing girl to find."

* * *

><p>Precious seconds became minutes and soon hours and Jane found herself on the verge of yanking out her hair as she twisted it tightly around her fingers and pulled until a sharp pain shot through her scalp, "What'd you do with her you bastard," she mumbled under her breath.<p>

Cavanaugh cleared his throat in an attention-grabbing manner from behind her. Jane looked up to see Frost staring somewhat slackjawed and she turned, following his gaze to Cavanaugh, Cpt. Petrovski from the K-9 unit and Sgt. Kelly. Sgt. Kelly wore a perfectly tailored basic navy blue pantsuit with a white dress shirt that held a faint blue pin stripe and sensible yet stylish navy pumps. Her straight red hair cascaded in long layers, the front falling to sit on her shoulders and the back hanging just a little below them. The freckles that had been visible on her face the day before with only a slight dusting of powder were muted by the foundation she wore and her blue eyes seemed somehow more piercing perfectly accentuated by a shimmering neutral shaded eyeshadow and mascara that made naturally strawberry-blond eyelashes visible. She was standing there a stark contrast to the form Jane had the seen the previous day in full SWAT gear. Here she was feminine, all in all, quite attractive and it made Jane burn even more knowing that the…very much a woman, standing in front of her was the same person that had gotten the step on her yesterday and damn near knocked her out.

"If I could have everyone's attention," Cavanaugh started, "In light of yesterday's events, Sgt. Kelly was given her choice of temporary reassignment and has chosen Homicide. She will join us in working the Washington case, I trust you all will be able to brief her and bring her up to speed on the investigation." Cavanaugh shook Cpt. Petrovski's hand as the Captain exited and he showed Kelly to an empty desk.

"Sgt. Korsak," Cavanaugh turned as he headed towards his office, "I'm off to my meeting; if there are any breaks in the case you can alert me on my cell."

Korsak nodded and they all watched as the Lieutenant walked away, unsuccessfully hiding how hard he had to force himself to walk with confidence, without regret, an awkward silence fell over them.

"We, umm, have coffee…over there," Frost pointed to a coffee pot on a table in the corner, "if you need any."

"Thank you but I don't drink coffee," Sgt. Kelly replied, "but I will avail myself of your cream and sugar for me tea." She pulled a handful of tea bags from her briefcase and dropped them in the top desk drawer.

"Don't drink coffee?" Korsak's voice sounded almost personally offended as if he'd harvested the rejected beans himself, "Next you'll tell us you don't eat donuts."

Kelly smiled and nodded, "Rarely, not much of a sweet tooth."

Jane tilted her empty cup towards herself and then made her way over to the coffee pot.

_No time like the present_, Kelly thought, as she grabbed her own mug and a tea bag and made her way over to the table as well. She walked up next to Jane, who glanced down at her quickly before tending to the black liquid.

"Could we have a word?" Kelly asked as she dunked her tea bag into the water-filled mug and popped it in the microwave.

Jane nodded and walked out of the bullpen into the hallway. She leaned against the wall as Kelly stepped in front of her and stood somewhat rigidly with her hands clasped behind her back, a hold over from her days in the army.

"I owe you an apology," Kelly started, "punching you was uncalled for."

"Yeah, it was," Jane replied, somewhat indignantly.

Kelly nodded, "Fair enough," she turned to walk back to the bullpen.

"K-9 is stationed with and works with SWAT you could have transferred there, why…why homicide?" Jane asked.

Kelly paused at the door, "Because K-9 is stationed with SWAT. And…because you didn't find that little girl in the house…I owe it to him…that he didn't die for nothing."

* * *

><p>Maura made her way up to Homicide around 1pm. She hadn't seen Jane since she'd left her apartment early that morning. Talking the previous night had lifted some burdens but further weighted others. Words that just a few short years ago would have been music to her ears coming from another human being's lips now felt like painful daggers. <em>You're my <em>_**friend**__, Maura. My best __**friend**__._ Maybe she had been wrong. Maybe her observations over the past months had been just wishful thinking. _Maybe when I thought Jane was looking at me, the same way I was looking at her I was just seeing what I wanted to see._

Jane smiled and turned towards the door as she heard the clip clop of Maura's heels signal her arrival. But it wasn't Jane's smile that caught Maura's attention when she walked through the doors, but rather the unfamiliar redhead with her back turned a few desks away.

Sgt. Kelly looked up and over her shoulder, meeting the Medical Examiner's curious gaze with a warm smile. She stood and approached Maura, noting the way the ME's eyes traveled down the length of her body and then back up, "Doctor, I just wanted to thank you again for your help yesterday. It was very much appreciated."

"You're welcome, I'm sorry I wasn't able to do more, and please, call me Maura."

Kelly nodded and feeling the heated stare from Jane returned to her desk.

Maura pulled up a chair and sat at Jane's side, "I thought you might work through lunch so I brought you a sandwich."

"Mmm, starving," she mumbled taking a bite.

Maura lowered her voice and swiped her finger over her own lip, "How's?"

Jane shrugged, "It's fine."

Maura took a bite of the sandwich she had brought up for herself and watched as Jane ravenously inhaled the last of the first half of hers, "So, I know it's been a rough week. I thought if you weren't busy Friday night you'd let me cook dinner for you? Your mother has given me some recipes I'd like to try and you'd be the perfect rat to try them out on."

Jane snorted, "I think you mean guinea pig."

Maura quirked her eyebrows, "Well that hardly makes sense, rats and mice are by far the preferred rodents for various types of testing."

Jane shook her head as she chuckled, "No can do anyway, I have a date."

"Oh," Maura's heart sank as she tried to mask the disappointment on her face.

Jane seemed oblivious as she dove into the next half of her sandwich, "That new Assistant District Attorney that assisted on the case I testified in a few weeks ago, Brad Morgan, asked me out. Seems nice, he's pretty cute…plays on a league Hockey Team in the winter. Can't be worse than the losers Ma tries to set me up with."

Sgt. Kelly tucked her hair behind her right ear so she could eavesdrop on the conversation with more accuracy.

"That's…that's great Jane, I hope you have a wonderful time. Well, I better get back downstairs, I have some lab results that should be back soon," Maura dropped the remainder of her sandwich back in the Ziploc bag as she stood and then looked at Jane who licked a little bit of mustard off her thumb, "I'm not as hungry as I thought, would you like the rest of my sandwich?" She held the bag out.

"Yeah, thanks Maura. Call me if the lab results shed any light on the case," Jane pulled out the uneaten sandwich and went back to her files.

* * *

><p>Sgt. Kelly had never been to the morgue, hell there were plenty of places in Headquarters she hadn't been, like the Homicide bullpen, before today. The K-9 unit wasn't stationed at Headquarters; they used an offsite location where they had room to run training scenarios. It was quiet, in the lower bowels of the building and noticeably cooler, which made sense. A few lab techs worked studiously at their stations, the primary sound pervading the otherwise stark silence being the gentle hum and whir of lab equipment. She saw Maura in her office and gently knocked on the slightly ajar door.<p>

Maura looked up, "Sergeant, I sent trace results upstairs a few hours ago, is there something I can help you with?"

"Christine, Chris actually, you can call me Chris," she paused to examine the array of tribal masks hanging on the wall, "These are exquisite."

Maura walked towards her, "Thank you, most of the officers find them a little weird."

Kelly chuckled under her breath, "Not surprising. I did two tours in Iraq, when I had leave opportunities I traveled around North Africa. I picked up primarily small daggers from some of the Berber and Taureg tribes. I looked for tribal masks, but I never got into the areas where ceremonial masks, at least of the carved variety are more prolific. Some of the Taureg people still hunt with sight hounds, they use a breed of dog we in the West call the Azawakh; it looks a lot like a greyhound. I helped deliver a litter in southern Algeria. It was the tribal leader's favorite bitch and she had a puppy turned sideways and it was blocking the birth canal, so I reached in and righted the pup and helped her deliver it. They tried to give me a dog as thanks but I was going back to Iraq in a week and had to decline so they gave me a woman's headdress and veil decorated with beads and silver coins instead. Not exactly a carved mask, but beautiful craftsmanship nonetheless."

Maura was enthralled, "What a fascinating experience, though something tells me given the opportunity, you would have taken the dog. I was in Medecins Sans Frontiers in Western Africa. We should exchange Africa stories."

Kelly smiled at the ME's correct assumption regarding the dog, "We should. Would you let me take you to dinner Friday night?"

The question took Maura by surprise, "Dinner? Like a…"

The redhead laughed nervously and ran a quick hand through her hair, "Like a date, yes. Unless I've made an embarrassingly incorrect presumption…"

Maura smiled, "No, you haven't. It's not something many people pick up on though."

"Well I always prided myself on possessing a finely tuned sense of gaydar," Kelly joked.

"Very finely tuned," Maura joked back, "Perhaps you'll enlighten me at dinner."

"May I pick you up seven?" Kelly handed Maura her card with her cell number on it.

"It's a date," Maura replied sliding the card into her blazer pocket.


	7. White Six

**Notes:** Wow, I am really pleased with how this story is being received. I thoroughly enjoy your comments and the mixed reactions on Sgt. Kelly. This is now my most alerted story on FFN, which is surprising as I wasn't sure how it would go over to be perfectly honest. In any event, here's the last update until next week most likely as I'll be out of town all weekend. I wanted to leave you for a few days with at least a little bit of closure in one area but with other things still looming ahead. Enjoy!

**CH 7: White Six**

_I knew one day I'd find the right woman that would be impressed by the puppy whelping story…_

Kelly pressed the button in the elevator for Homicide and crinkled her brow.

_Dogs…Greyhound…_

She flew through the doors into the Homicide bullpen, "The trace report…from Kaleah Washington's body…in the grooves of her shoes they found?"

Jane rifled through the file explosion on her desk and pulled the trace report, "Sand, fibers consistent with pine pulp and dia…di..uh…"

"Diatomaceous earth," Kelly finished.

"Sure, whatever that is. Why?" Jane looked up.

"It's kennel bedding! The trace from Kaleah Washington's shoes is from kennel bedding. Sand, small fibers of pine pulp, like pine kennel shavings and diatomaceous earth is a white powder of finely ground sedimentary rock made of the fossilized remains of a type of hard-shelled algae. It's a non-chemical pest control that can be mixed with kennel bedding to kill fleas and other pests. You wouldn't find that mixture in the average pet owner's yard but you would at a large commercial facility." Kelly looked to Frost as it dawned on him what she was saying.

"Like a dog track!" He slammed his palms onto his desk.

_I'll be damned_, Jane looked at her partner, "Dog racing was banned in the state in 2008; the last races were in 2009. She could be in an abandoned kennel facility!"

Kelly pulled a map on the computer, look, "Suffolk Downs runs horses so it's still in operation, which means plenty of people around. Raynham Park still operates simulcast and has staff. But, Wonderland Park shut down completely in 2010 and has been abandoned pending negotiations over putting a casino on site in operation with Suffolk."

"We need a search warrant," Jane stood and fastened her gun belt.

"On it," Frost said, phone already in his hand.

* * *

><p>They pulled up to Wonderland with uniforms for backup. Korsak gathered everyone around, "Let's be safe. We'll clear the old clubhouse first then make our way out to the kennel facilities. Got it?"<p>

Rounds of clear echoed through the clubhouse as they swept it, making sure every nook and cranny held no surprises. They proceeded cautiously out to the kennels. There was no way to know if Gerard Williams would have kept a guard on her or just locked her up thinking no one would ever find her. Crate and kennel doors hung open in the building. Water buckets were still clipped to the wires in some of the runs. Kennel leads hung on once stark white walls that were now splattered with cobwebs and caked with dirt from a year's absence of cleaning.

Jane reached into one of the kennels and grabbed a handful of bedding, "This look like the trace we found?"

Kelly swiped her finger through it and nodded.

"I've got something!" an officer called out from the back of the kennel facility.

They ran, weaving through rows of runs and stacked dog boxes to one of the indoor-outdoor runs at the back of the building, where, cowling in the corner wrapped in a green greyhound racing coat with a white number six was five year old Kameron Washington.

"Bolt cutters, someone get bolt cutters!" Frost barked at one of the uniforms.

"Hey," Jane crouched down looking through the kennel bars at the terrified and weak little girl, "Hey Kameron, my name's Jane. I'm a police officer and we're here to take you home to your mommy."

An officer returned with bolt cutters and made swift work of the lock on the kennel. Jane walked slowly inside, slipping off her jacket as she knelt down in front of Kameron.

"The bad man…" the little girl whispered, her voice raspy and soft.

"We got the bad man, he can't hurt you. Come on, let's go find your mommy," Jane reached out and helped the little girl stand. Kameron wadded the dog coat up in her arms, a makeshift security blanket as Jane draped her blazer around the little girl and picked her up. "You're going to be ok, sweetie, you're safe now," she whispered as she carried Kameron to the waiting ambulance.

* * *

><p>Claps and cheers rang out through the Dirty Robber as Jane, Maura, Frost, Korsak and Kelly entered. Korsak pointed up at the television and chuckled at the replay of the video from the earlier press conference, Cavanaugh at the mic and the rest of them lined up behind him.<p>

"Jesus, we all looked like shit!" Korsak laughed, "Well except for you Dr. Isles."

"It's been a rough couple of days, I think we're allowed," Frost rejoined sliding into a booth.

The bartender was quick to their table with a pitcher of beer and a glass of wine, "On the house."

They clinked glasses with no words. There weren't really any that would fit, a seven year old and her father had been brutally murdered, and an officer lost, but by grace they had spared Kameron that same fate.

Kelly downed the last of her pint and slid out of the booth, "I do have two other dogs at home that are probably desperate for a walk so I better head out. Have a good one and I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow." She turned and walked towards the door.

Jane took another sip of her beer and then followed her outside, "Kelly."

The redhead stopped and turned.

Jane glanced down at the ground and then into the blue eyes that looked back at her, "That was a good put together on the trace."

Kelly smiled, "Thanks."

Jane took a deep breath, "And…I am sorry…about your partner. You said that you didn't want him to have died for nothing. I hope…I hope finding Kameron helps. If you hadn't been in our unit today, I don't think we would have come up with kennel bedding or a dog track. I guess that's irony…or something."

"No, I think it was fate," she replied extending her hand, which Jane shook, "See you tomorrow."

* * *

><p>After a couple more pints Frost and Korsak made their exit. The sun had gone down and Jane stared out the window into the darkness.<p>

"What are you thinking?" Maura probed.

Jane realized she had been nibbling on her thumbnail and was completely zoned out, "Can't get the image of Kameron Washington out of my head when we found her. She looked so small and so scared, curled up in a little ball in the back of that kennel with this mint green dog coat with a big white six on it as a blanket. Her mother said it's her birthday in three days; she'll be six years old. Fucked up birthday."

"She'll get to have a birthday, because of you, Frost, Korsak and Chris," Maura took a sip of her wine.

Jane raised an eyebrow, "Chris? You on a first name basis now."

"She asked me to call her Chris. I call you Jane."

Jane nodded and shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, "You know I was thinking about canceling my date with Brad Friday night, if you still wanted to just hang out."

Maura paused and set her wine aside, "Don't be silly. You should go on your date. Besides, I made other plans. Chris asked me to dinner."

"You know she's…gay…right?" Jane lowered her voice and looked back at Maura with confusion. "I mean, she's gay, like out gay, like…"

"Yes, Jane. Gay like lesbian. It was fairly obvious when she asked me out on a date," Maura scanned Jane's reaction, she couldn't quite pinpoint what her friend was thinking and that scared her.

"I'm clearly confused," Jane pinched the bridge of her nose, "Sgt. Kelly is gay, you know she's gay, she asked you out on a date and you said yes?"

Maura twisted her hands together nervously under the table, "Yes."

"But, you're not gay, Maura."

"No, I'm not," it didn't seem like the best response but the seeming hostility in Jane's reaction was making her anxious and rendering a better explanation difficult to put together.

"Then…why are you going on a date with a woman?"

Maura lifted her wine glass and drained the last sip, "Because sometimes I date women."

"You're not making any sense," Jane chugged the last third of her beer and motioned to the bar tender for another.

"Primarily I am attracted to and date men. But I have on occasion met women that I am physically and emotionally attracted to that I pursue relationships with. I am making perfect sense, perhaps you just don't want to understand," Maura gathered up her purse and slipped her heels back on and left.

* * *

><p>Jane kicked her boots angrily across the bedroom, "God!" she growled. Joe Friday paused in the doorway taking stock of her owner's mood before slinking back into the living room. She pulled off her shirt, slamming it into the hamper, then her pants and finally her undergarments before throwing the door to the bathroom closed behind her with a bit too much force. The loud bang of it shutting snapped her out of the white-hot fury.<p>

She flipped on the shower and sat down in the tub, letting the warm water pour over her head. _Fuck, I'm so confused. I…shit…I'm really confused. Jane slowly leaned back until she was sprawled on her back in the tub, the deluge from the shower drumming on her abdomen. Just once I wish I could be like Maura…just…understand all this bullshit in my head. Do I wanna be with her or do I just not want Christine Kelly to be with her? Jesus, that's a fucked up question; that I shouldn't have to ask myself. I'm a mess._

* * *

><p>If there was anything Jane could count on the day Maura had a date after work it was Maura being in the office early to make sure she got a head start on paperwork or any other tasks so that she could ensure getting off on time…out of the blue homicidal catastrophe not withstanding.<p>

She walked into Maura's office and set the cappuccino down on her desk, "I know you usually don't stop when you're trying to get an early start."

"Thank you," Maura smiled as she took a sip of the piping hot beverage, "Mmm, my favorite."

"I know."

Maura nodded, "Of course you do…I owe you an apology."

Jane's brow wrinkled, "No you don't. I acted like an ass last night, completely overreacted. I wish…I could explain why but the truth is I'm not really even sure."

Maura smiled faintly, "It's just…I am sorry I kept that part of myself from you. I've dated women so infrequently that I usually find it easier not to mention it, and after you went undercover at Merch for that case it seemed that being perceived as a lesbian made you uncomfortable and I was afraid that if you knew that I am sometimes attracted to women it would make you uncomfortable around me."

Jane bit down lightly on her lower lip, "I guess even best friends sometimes have secrets. But for the record, it doesn't make me uncomfortable, either what people may think about me or who you date. The Merch thing…it wasn't about being undercover at a gay bar, not entirely anyway it was mostly about being undercover. It's never been one of my particular talents in this job. I tend to sometimes lack flexibility in new situations…you might have noticed."

Maura giggled, "Maybe just a little. But, you're getting better."

"Thanks to you," Jane replied as she headed for the door, "and a little bit of yoga."


	8. Camouflage

**Notes:** This chapter gets into a little bit of the Rated M category but I tried to avoid making it too graphic. But I wanted to throw this out there just as a warning because I don't intend to move it to the M section, at least not yet. Who knows what the future holds.

For those of you who read and like to comment on LJ I'll have this chapter posted there tomorrow evening after the deluge of post episode threads settled down so if you want to hold off to comment there it will be up on LJ tomorrow.

**CH 8: Camouflage**

Image. Presentation. Art. The way the pieces fit together. Bone into joints, tendons, ligaments, musculature, the body was a work of art if only more people treated it that way. And what was the purpose of art if not to present it. Sure, there could be art for art's sake but Maura Isles liked to see beauty, she wanted to behold it and given the opportunity she wanted to exemplify it. Some people might attribute her fastidious attention to image as vanity, but to know her, to know the reasoning behind her attention to detail was to realize that it was not in fact vanity but appreciation and a desire to illustrate that appreciation. She was in awe of the human body, it was a living sculpture, and clothing was every bit an equal work of art as the body itself. Every stitch, every seam conjured up by human creativity, millions of individual components brought together into one final unified piece.

Maura took one last look in the mirror as the doorbell rang, running her fingers over the cobalt blue leather belt that accentuated her small waist and presented a striking contrast to the white sheath dress she wore. She walked with anticipation towards the door.

Christine Kelly had always been a puzzle to the people she worked with. She had been in the army and now BPD; most of her work life had been spent in camouflage, combat boots, dog training gear or a police uniform. She could take hits in a bite suit off a 120 lb German Shepherd like any man on the force. She cussed, she drank and she could bench press her body weight. She didn't take shit if she felt it was doled out unfairly and she could dish it with the best of them. She'd punched her way out of more than one argument and shot her way out of an ambush in Iraq. But given the opportunity on a Friday night to take a beautiful woman out to dinner she'd slipped on an aubergine satin halter dress with a beaded neckline and strappy black stilettos without a second thought. There was more than one side to Christine Kelly; she was in her totality the sum of many parts even if some were shown less frequently than others.

"You look stunning," Chris remarked taking in the sight of Maura in the doorway.

"Thank you, you look…wow, I think I'm actually speechless," Maura laughed, "You look beautiful."

"Thank you, you probably wondered if I'd show up in training clothes or a business suit," Chris joked as she opened the passenger side door of her black Suburban and presented her hand to assist Maura with the large step up into the vehicle. "Sorry, it's not the easiest truck to get into in heels and a skirt."

Chris pulled out of the driveway and shot a quick glance and smile at Maura, "I hope you like Japanese."

"Very much," Maura replied, her gaze trailing up and down Chris' body before her eyes stopped on an exposed right knee and a particularly gnarly set of scars.

"I made reservations at Oishii. Best sushi in Boston, at least in my opinion," Chris could feel Maura's eyes lingering on her. It was a rush, to feel desired by a woman such as Maura Isles.

"I've heard nothing but good things. May I ask, what happened to your knee?" It was a shame, Maura thought, to have such a mark in such a visible place on an otherwise flawless sculpture. Not that there was anything inherently embarrassing about scars; it was just a shame.

Chris' hands tensed on the wheel, "The fucking sandbox happened to it," she blurted out.

Maura quickly averted her eyes from the scar and stared out the front windshield.

"I'm sorry, Iraq…it happened in Iraq. It looks a lot worse than it feels; the orthopedic surgeons did a really good job." She could stop there or she could continue, Chris paused and then decided to continue, "I made a bad call that day."

"I can't imagine what being over there must have been like," Maura looked back at her.

"You were in headquarters when the siege happened?" Chris glanced at Maura as she nodded, "Imagine that, every day. If not actually being shot at, that fear, that anticipation of what's around the corner…every…day." She reached down and rubbed her knee, "Second tour, we were scouting in the Sadr City district of Baghdad. Got hit with an IED, my K-9 and I both took shrapnel; he was down about 20 yards up ahead of me. Civilians started running and small arms fire broke out. A girl, young teenager was shot, I don't know if it was by us, or the Mahdi; she dropped about fifteen feet from my dog. I was shooting back, trying to lay enough cover to not get shot myself and one of my guys grabbed me from behind and started trying to drag me away. My dog was screaming in pain, the girl was screaming, I hauled off and punched my Lieutenant, broke away, half hopping, half crawling I only had time to get to one. And I chose my dog. And I left that girl there to die. So I don't bother trying to cover this scar up, because I've always put my dogs first and sometimes I need a reminder that that's a bad call."

Chris took a deep breath, "And that really wasn't a story I had planned to break out on a first date," she laughed shaking her head.

Maura reached over and let her hand rest on Chris's forearm, her thumb stroking lightly back and forth.

* * *

><p>"You know it's rare to find a woman that's as in to baseball as you are," Brad smiled as he and Jane strolled leisurely towards Fenway Park.<p>

Jane scoffed, "This is Boston! It can't be that hard."

"Well, then I'll file an addendum to clarify, as in to, as knowledgeable and as attractive as you are."

Jane laughed, "Telling me I'm pretty in District Attorney-ese. That's a new one."

"Ah good," Brad made an exaggerated gesture of swiping imaginary sweat from his brow, "Task one for the night, use a corny line she hasn't heard before has been successfully accomplished."

"So there's a checklist, for this date," Jane raised an eyebrow in jest, "What's the next item?"

"Oh that would obviously be eat a footlong chili cheese dog faster than you," he laughed unable to keep a straight face.

"Hmmm, chili cheese dog eating contest on the first date, sexy…But, I hate to break it to you, you won't be checking that one off," Jane smiled slyly.

"I don't believe you, where would you put it?"

Jane patted her thigh, "Hollow wooden leg."

* * *

><p>"I believe you're right, this is the best sushi I've had in Boston," Maura mused as she deftly maneuvered a slice of ginger onto her eel sashimi and then dipped it daintily in heavily wasabi-laden soy sauce. "Now, I'd like to hear about this, how did you put, finely tuned gaydar," she smiled coyly as she took a sip of sake.<p>

Chris chuckled, "Complete lie. The truth? At first I thought you and Jane were possibly…"

"Me and Jane?" Maura interrupted, "Why would you think that?"

"There…are rumors that the two of you…that perhaps you're more than friends. I had no reason to believe them or not and when I heard Jane telling you she had a date tonight then I figured they were just rumors. Very thankfully I might add."

Maura dabbed at the corner of her mouth with her napkin, "Jane and I have never been romantically involved."

Chris watched Maura's face intently as she said it, "You sound disappointed."

Maura froze as she reached for another bite of her sushi.

"I'm sorry, that was…" Chris tried to backtrack.

"That was a very astute observation," Maura finished. "It's ok. I am…attracted to Jane, but she either doesn't reciprocate or won't do anything about it."

Maura set down her chopsticks and took a deep breath, "I've always been the one to let another person know that it's ok to pursue me. Sometimes it's nice to have someone else take the lead, for someone else to be forward so that it doesn't feel contrived, forced or like I've had to dangle some carrot. When you walked into my office the other day, you had no idea if I dated women…"

"None," Chris remarked, refilling their sake glasses.

"And here we are," Maura lifted her glass and extended it.

Chris gently tapped her glass to Maura's, "Here we are."

* * *

><p>"Well, I'm not sure we kept to the most traditional of first date conversations," Chris noted humorously as she pulled into Maura's driveway, "I talked about getting my knee blown out in Iraq, you told me you're attracted to another woman," she let out a quick laugh as she trotted to the passenger side of the vehicle and offered Maura her hand for the step down.<p>

"Well, I've never been very conventional," Maura smiled and rather than releasing Chris' hand once she was out of the SUV laced their fingers together for the short walk to her front door. "I had a wonderful time," she said as she turned and faced Chris on the front stoop.

"So did I," Maura's earlier admission of being tired of pressing still clear in her mind, Chris placed one hand on Maura's waist and brought the other to her cheek, pulling her into a kiss. It was reserved at first, just lips, soft, but when she felt Maura lean into her Chris let her tongue slide along Maura's lower lip and into her mouth, eliciting a soft moan. The kiss lasted a passionate minute until they mutually separated, lips hovering still within reach of each other, gentle breaths exchanging across the short divide. Chris stroked her thumb down the side of Maura's face, smiling as hazel eyes fluttered at the contact. She leaned in and placed one last chaste kiss on Maura's lips.

"Goodnight, Maura."

"Goodnight," Maura smiled as Chris walked to her car and then laughed under breath, amused at the excited beating of her heart from her reaction to the kiss.

* * *

><p>Jane finished the last swig of her beer and placed the empty bottle on her coffee table, "Can I get you another?" she asked Brad as he also downed the last of his.<p>

He smiled, a charming grin, which seemed to make his soft brown eyes twinkle behind unusually long eyelashes for a man, "I'm good," he replied.

He leaned forward and took Jane's face gently but firmly in his hands, pausing before his lips reached hers as he looked into her eyes for the final go ahead. Jane smiled and bridged the distance as their lips met. The intensity ratcheted up as Jane arched her neck to Brad's attentive kisses to her pulse point. She pushed him away and stared into his eyes. It could only be described as what she imagined a perfect first date to be and now she was teetering on the precipice, end the date and send Brad out the front door to her left or…_I need to feel something_, she thought. Jane stood and took Brad's hand, leading him to the bedroom.

His breath was hot on her neck, muscles toned and flexing under her hands. He had kissed her, all over, teased her nipples, done everything right…ostensibly, and yet Jane stared blankly over his shoulder at the ceiling just wishing he would come because she knew she wasn't going to so that it could be over.

_What's wrong with me?_ Jane wondered as she let out another fake and purposefully timed moan to encourage Brad along. Brad came, his back tightening as Jane's fingers curled into it. He paused for only a moment before seeking out Jane's lips as he continued to thrust.

"I'm good…I came," Jane whispered, kissing him back. _Lie_.

He stopped and smoothed some of her hair out of her face, stroking her cheek, "You were so quiet."

"I'm not very vocal in bed." _Lie_.

Brad rolled off and Jane excused herself to the bathroom. The mirror was a liar; the reflection in the glass wasn't Jane Rizzoli. It couldn't be. She lowered the toilet seat lid and sat down, reaching between her legs as she wondered how Maura's date had gone. _Maura. She probably wore some perfectly fitted designer dress with fancy heels that made her legs look long and toned_. Jane began to touch herself. _Her hair would be down, and I bet she sprayed it with that scented oil that makes it extra shiny_. Jane's strokes quickened and intensified and brought her hard over the edge Brad had failed to.

She took a deep breath, and placed her right hand over her heart to feel it pounding. A small fit of laughter took over and in between the laughing over what she had just done and what it had taken imagining in order to do it, tears started rolling down her face.

_Fuck_. The mirror was a liar; she washed her hands and slapped some of the cold water on her face and went back to Brad.

"Everything ok?" he asked as he lounged on his back, the sheet covering his lower half as he rested his head on his arm.

Jane slid back under the covers and Brad rolled onto his side to wrap his arms around her as he began to kiss the back of her neck and shoulder.

_Is this like the only man in the world who doesn't fall asleep after sex? There's obviously something wrong with me, great dinner with a fun, smart, attractive guy, a Red Sox game….and now_…Jane shifted onto her back letting Brad maneuver on top as she aggressively nipped at his lower lip…_and now I'm going to come for him._

He moved down her body, kissing, massaging her breasts, sucking quickly on one nipple before moving lower still until he settled between her legs. This was better, she didn't have to see him, didn't have to feel his weight on top of her or inside her.

Jane reached down and let her hand run through his hair, imagining that it was honey brown with highlights, long and cascading over her inner thighs, "There Maur," she gasped as his tongue hit a sensitive spot. Her eyes flashed open as she realized what she had said, but he didn't stop…_Maur…more_. Jane covered her mouth to stifle the laugh and closed her eyes.

Was he good? Or was her imagination that good? She wasn't sure and she didn't care as Brad worked her closer and closer to another release, "Yes…there…Maur…there." Now she was writhing to his ministrations, heart beating unbearably fast, fingers clenching sheets and clawing at his scalp.

_Close…so close…so close._ "There, so good, I'm going to…" her back arched as she came, "Maura!"

And then he stopped. And she stopped. Jane covered her face with her hands. _Fuck._ She could feel him moving away. Brad sat on the edge of the bed; he looked over at Jane naked, hands over her face. He grabbed the corner of the sheet and covered her up.

Jane could hear him pulling on his pants, "I'm sorr…"

"I can show myself out," Brad said as he gathered up his shirt and shoes and walked silently out of the bedroom.


	9. Shades of Grey

**Notes:** So, this chapter wasn't really planned it just sort of happened. I decided some internal processing was needed and started writing and it just came out. I think a lot of you are really frustrated with Jane and I hope this explains my conception of what she's going through!

**CH 9: Shades of Grey**

Maura glanced at her watch, "Jane, you're early! I don't think Angela plans to come over and start cooking for another hour."

Jane laughed under her breath and quirked an eyebrow, "Well, I can leave…" she pointed her thumb over her shoulder.

"No! That's not what I meant!" Maura stepped aside ushering her in.

"I just thought since we didn't hang out all weekend I'd come over a little early," Jane smiled as Maura handed her a beer, "though it's still a little strange having Sunday gnocchi night at your house."

Maura plopped down on the sofa next to Jane, folding one leg under her as her knee rested on Jane's thigh, "Well, it may be strange for you but I thoroughly enjoy it. They're like the family dinners I never had growing up. You were very lucky."

"I guess," Jane mumbled into her beer, rolling the amber bottle around in her fingers.

"So?" Maura gave Jane a little shove in the shoulder, "ADA Brad…how was your date?" Maura tacked on her best smile as she asked.

"Well, we went to dinner at that little Greek place by Fenway, then he had tickets to the game, which was awesome. We went back to my place and had a couple of beers, everything seemed to be going great so I decided to take a page from your book and release some endorphins and a little immuno-globo whatever…"

Maura giggled, "Immunoglobulin A."

Jane tipped her beer bottle towards Maura, "That…and…I don't really want to talk about the rest."

Maura tilted her head, "What? Oh Jane, he wasn't good in bed?" Her voice was laden with sincere disappointment. Jane so rarely let her guard down; let someone in. The past few months had been so trying, Jane deserved the release.

Jane groaned, throwing her head back, "I think he was probably fine, I just…I don't know…wanted it to be good so badly that I probably caused it not to be. And he was so nice and everything about the date had been great up until that point so I just faked it. So, I don't think I'll be seeing Brad again."

A sympathetic hand found its way to Jane's knee, "Now Jane, not every couple is instantly sexually compatible, sometimes it takes communication and experimentation between two people to reach a more mutually gratifying sexual experience," Maura smiled as she took a sip of her wine.

"Oh," Jane raised an eyebrow, "and did you have a mutually gratifying sexual experience with Sgt. Kelly on Friday night?"

There was something in her tone. Maura couldn't quite put her finger on it but it seemed almost mocking but not laced with her typical undertones of jest. "Chris and I did not have sex," she said setting her wine glass down on the table.

"Date didn't go so well then? What'd she do, take you for hotdogs and mini-golf?" Jane asked, with a slight smirk. _Bummer…why am I such an asshole? She didn't take pleasure in your shitty date. _

"Actually we had a wonderful time, we ate dinner at a fantastic Japanese restaurant, walked along the harbor and then had a couple of drink at a little jazz club." Maura paused, furrowing her brow, "Is…is that what you think of me? That I'm some harlot who jumps into bed with every person that takes me on a date?" Her voice quivered as she spoke, genuine hurt settling into her hazel eyes as she looked questioningly back at Jane.

"No! No, of course not! It's just…you're always telling me there's nothing wrong with embracing your sexual needs," Jane rolled her eyes and used finger quotes as she over-emphasized the last two words. _You're still being an asshole._

"There isn't anything wrong with it. And there's nothing wrong with engaging in casual sexual encounters. But, when it comes to someone I might be inclined to see more than once I tend to err on the side of the traditional and not pursue sexual relations on a first date," Maura grabbed her wine glass and downed the last sip, heading to the kitchen for a refill.

_Good job, Rizzoli. Way to make it sound like you think your best friend's a whore._ Jane followed her, rinsing her beer bottle in the sink and depositing the empty in the appropriate recycling container, "I'm sorry, Maura. I didn't mean for that to sound…like it sounded." Maura's back was to her and she walked up behind her and put her hand on a slumped shoulder and squeezed.

Maura reached up and put her hand over Jane's, "I know…that you didn't mean it like that."

Touch. The feel of Maura under her hand, she thought about Friday night, in her bathroom touching herself as she imagined touching Maura. Bare skin. Skin on skin. Breath. Touch. _I want to touch her._ Jane pulled her hand back and Maura found her fingers curling involuntarily trying to hold onto it just a second longer. Jane leaned back against the counter, "So you had a good time. That's…great. You…uh…seem like you like her."

"I do," Maura faced Jane and reached for her hand, taking it gingerly, noting Jane's hesitancy, "I know we talked about this, and I know you said it didn't…but it still feels like this thing…me and Chris…like it bothers you. And I just wish you'd be honest with me, because you're my best friend and I want you to be honest with me…"

_I want to be honest with you too. If only I understood it._ Jane clasped Maura's hand, "I was honest with you when I said you dating women doesn't bother me."

"Is it Chris then?" Maura asked, looking down at her hand covered by Jane's, comforted as she felt the warmth of the grasp.

"No, it's not Chris…well, I mean, I don't think it's Chris. I don't really know her, so maybe that is it. I don't know," Jane sighed, "What I do know is that I just want you to be happy and I want what's best for you and if going out with Chris Kelly makes you happy then that's all that matters to me."

* * *

><p>"Frankie." Jane rubbed her hands back and forth on the steering wheel as she pulled to a stop in front of her brother's apartment complex. She stared out the window and across the street at the moth silhouettes fluttering in and out of the yellow illumination that turned grey and blended into the night the further it diffused from the street lamp. No one knew her better than Frankie, with the exception of maybe Maura. But Frankie had known her longer and he never failed to give her a straight answer. <em>I need help…no, an objective evaluation, that's what Maura would call it. <em>

Frankie looked at her, waiting. There was something raw in her voice; in the way she said his name. He could feel it, a long overdue conversation. To most people Jane was her old self, pre-siege Jane; never been better she'd say. But, he knew better. He knew his sister. Marino, the divorce, Tommy, they hadn't had a truly meaningful conversation about any of it. Comments in passing, sure, but it was all for the most part superficial. Maybe it was the Washington case but he could tell something had finally brought her to this point.

"Can I talk to you about something?" She didn't look at him when she asked, still watching the moths fade in and out…yellow…grey…black and back again. Clear, hazy, gone.

_This is serious_. "Of course Janie, you know you can talk to me about anything. Let's go inside."

* * *

><p>"Beer?" Frankie asked as he opened his fridge.<p>

"Yeah," Jane took the offering and sat down on the sofa. "I trust you Frankie. I trust you to tell me what you really think and to keep what I say in confidence."

"You're my sister, Janie. You know I'd never do anything to betray your trust."

Jane took a swig of her beer and paused, swirling the liquid around in the bottle, watching the foam bubble up, _out with it_, "You'd know if you were gay, right?" she blurted out.

Frankie opened his mouth but no words came out, so he closed it only for it to fall open again, "Uh…?"

"You'd know if you were gay? Like, that's something you know right? You…feel that…inside. You don't just all of a sudden turn gay?" Jane looked at her brother, her eyes pleading for an answer.

"I…umm, well I mean, like I like girls and yeah I guess I always knew that, once I got past the whole girls have cooties stage," he laughed and was relieved when Jane laughed with him, "So, if someone was gay, then it would be the same for them, right? I guess. I mean…shit Janie, maybe I'm not the best person to ask. But, why…why are you asking?"

Jane pulled nervously at the corner of the label on her beer bottle, the condensation from the glass having caused the edge to peel up. She picked at it, scratching at the adhesive residue on the brown bottle with nails too short to be effective.

"Jane? Are you trying to tell me you're gay?" Frankie reached out and grabbed his sister's hand, pulling it away from her nervous fidgeting, "Cause you know I love you no matter what."

Jane nodded, tears welling up in her eyes, "I…I don't know. If I am. Which is pretty fucked up and I don't know how to figure it out."

Frankie swallowed hard, "Ok, I can't believe I'm about to ask you this. I mean, you've…you know…" he gestured with his hand, "…with men."

"I'm not a virgin," Jane laughed, wiping away the tears with the hand Frankie wasn't holding.

"And…" he continued, "…it was…you…I mean…I kind of want to throw up in my mouth right now, you enjoyed it? Right?"

"I've had orgasms with men, yes," Jane laughed again as Frankie shivered. In the book of brother/sister boundaries this conversation was probably some well-defined line that shouldn't be crossed; but Frankie was willing to cross it for her, to try and help her figure it out. She'd never loved him more.

"Please never say orgasm to me, ever again," Frankie joked, shaking his head. "So, why do you think you might be gay?"

"Because lately…I feel like I'm attracted to women…well, I mean, a woman. And, I think about you know…" Jane pursed her lips and mumbled out of the side of her mouth, "…being intimate with her. Straight women don't think about having sex with other women right? Cause you're a straight man and you don't think about doing it with dudes."

Frankie exhaled and drummed his fingers against his beer bottle as he downed a healthy gulp, "I definitely don't…think about dudes. Maybe you're like…bi."

_Bi. Maybe. But, how do I know for sure? How can I find out without hurting Maura in the process?_

"Is it Maura?" Frankie asked.

Jane winced and covered her face with her hand as she nodded, "She just told me recently she sometimes dates women and it's like ever since then I have all these feelings I didn't really recognize before and I don't know what it means."

"Have you talked to her about it?"

"Can't do that." Jane sighed, "She went on a date with Sgt. Kelly and I think she likes her and I don't know what the hell I feel and I don't know if she'd even be interested in me. Besides, she's my best friend; I can't lose that. And what if I run off all balls to the wall like I always do and it's nothing more than some delayed post-traumatic fucked up whatever or just some kind of bizarre bout of possessive jealousy and I hurt her and then I've screwed up the best friendship I ever had."

Jane growled in frustration, "It's just…I should know! Right! I mean, it should make sense. I fucking masturbated thinking about her the other night! But, what if I'm just sexually frustrated or curious? Maura can't be some fucking experiment for my screwed up libido. And oh my God I just told you I masturbated." Jane grabbed a throw pillow and covered her face.

"I need a stronger drink," Frankie walked to the kitchen and returned with a bottle of whiskey and two shot glasses.

Jane eyed the amber liquid for a moment before throwing it back and allowing Frankie to immediately pour her another, "If it was you. If you were me, with what I just told you, what would you do?"

"I'd wanna be sure. If you want brutal honesty…you know people talk about you and Maura, at the station. I mean you touch each other a lot, like you've never let anyone else, no friend I've ever seen you with, hell hardly any boyfriend I've ever seen you with. And, I swear sometimes it seems like she looks at you…like how you used to joke that I looked at Carla Fiorelli. But, then, it's Maura and she's a little different. I guess ultimately it's not even about what Maura might feel, you need to figure out how you feel. I'd wanna be sure," he refilled their shot glasses for a third time.

Jane laughed as they clinked the glasses together, "Have I traumatized you?"

"I'm not gonna lie, I could have gone the rest of my life with the happy delusion that my sister is a virgin," Frankie shuddered after the third shot, "Damn, that shit burns…but, no I'm not traumatized, I just wish I could be of more help. Nobody can tell you how you feel, Janie, or who you are. But, I love you and you can talk to me about this or anything…as long as you never say the words orgasm or masturbate to me, ever, ever again."

Jane smiled and gave Frankie a play kick to the leg, "Thanks for listening to me, Frankie," Jane threw her arm around her little brother and gave him a squeeze, "I love you too."


	10. Yellow Oleander

**Notes:** Thank you to everyone has been reading and commenting! I've been trying to answer all of the reviews but sometimes I forget who I've answered and who I haven't so if I've forgotten you my profuse apologies. There have been some really good comments on this story so far and I greatly appreciate all of your feedback!

**CH 10: Yellow Oleander**

The speckled shadows of leaves dotted the granite walk of the path that led to the front door of an opulent house. Chris glanced from side to side at the perfectly manicured lawn and the expertly tended flowerbeds. Yellow, every last bud, bloom and petal…yellow. Marigolds and dandelions, closest to the ground, a sea of lilies and yellow irises behind, various smatterings of other types she didn't recognize and finally, lining the last few feet of the walk and flanking either side of the steps to the front door, gargantuan sun flowers. The monochromatic sea of botanicals cut a striking contrast and beautiful compliment to the deep red hue of the historic brick home. She stopped where the sun flowers began and reached up and ran a finger down one of the silky petals.

"You know, we don't really have time to stop and smell the roses," Jane chastised jokingly.

"Sun flowers," Maura's voice rang out from behind them, "actually, none of these are roses."

Chris smiled as Maura approached them, the morning sun igniting the highlights in her hair; she sparkled. _Trite._ She kicked herself on the inside; she was already smitten.

"Figure of speech, Maur," Jane shook her head and turned to the patrol officer, "What do we got?"

"Residence of Robert and Gwen Camp. Maid called it in," he pointed to the older woman standing with his partner by the squad car, "said she arrived at 8:30 for her regular Monday appointment but that the owners' dog was still loose in the house. The dog is always locked up when she arrives so she rang the doorbell and got no answer, called Mrs. Camp's cell and got no answer, when she walked to the front window and looked in she could see Mrs. Camp face down in the living room. Mr. Camp is also a no-show at his office this morning. We haven't been able to gain entry to the house."

"What do you mean you haven't been able to…" Jane's question was cut off.

"WHOA!" Frost tumbled back from trying to peak in the window as a massive dog slammed into the glass, foamy slobber and vapor from hot breath smearing across the pane as the dog barked and growled furiously at the ever increasing mass of intruders on his front lawn.

Jane swatted Chris on the shoulder, "Right up your alley."

"Do I look like Cesar Milan to you?" Chris deadpanned.

"Yeah," Frost laughed, "You're like the dog whisperer, Kelly, get on that. Looks like a big old teddy bear.

Chris walked around to the window and stood a few feet back, indeed the animal's full mane of fur and close-cropped ears did give his black and silver face a bear-like appearance, "That…I promise you, is no teddy bear."

"Eh, it's just a big old furry St. Bernard, you're not afraid of Cujo in there are you?" Jane laughed.

"It's not a St. Bernard, it's a Caucasian Ovcharka and the only way I'm going in that house is wearing a full bite suit and carrying a tranquilizer gun."

"A Caucasian what!" Frost laughed, "Yeah, I think I'll just wait for animal control, that dog doesn't sound too friendly towards my people."

Chris chuckled, "That dog wouldn't be too friendly towards any people but the ones that live inside the house. It's a notoriously aggressive breed, they've become somewhat of a fad amongst the elite as guard dogs and as a status symbol."

"White people," Frost mused shaking his head as he laughed.

* * *

><p>Chris entered the morgue where Jane and Frost were already convened. The bodies of Mr. and Mrs. Camp were laid out on two tables, no outward signs of injury. Maura started with Mrs. Camp and had already cracked her chest as Chris approached Jane, files and a vile of blood in hand.<p>

"They sedated the dog at the shelter and I processed him. I know you said there were no bite marks but we took some dental impressions just to be safe, brought in his collar though it's leather and studded so I doubt any prints can be pulled, swabbed his mouth so I have those in case he got a bite in on an assailant, and pulled a blood sample. The Camp's personal protection trainer has offered to take the dog, as the lead I told the shelter you'd sign off." Chris handed Jane the form and watched with fascination as Maura proceeded through the autopsy.

"Well, thank you Dr. Doolittle." Jane slapped a quick signature on the paperwork, "Ok, Frost and I will go interview the maid. Kelly, can you log the Camp's personals into evidence?"

Chris nodded and waited until Jane and Frost were gone before slipping on a pair of gloves, "Do you mind? I've never watched an autopsy."

Maura looked up, the low hung autopsy light caused her eyes to gleam behind protective glasses; she smiled, "Not at all. With no visible wounds I performed scans that you can see on the monitors there for any signs of non-apparent trauma. There aren't any. So, I'll examine the victims' internal organs and collect samples to send to Tox."

"Do you suspect poisoning?" Chris leaned over the body a little further as Maura removed the heart.

"Mmm, unlike Jane I don't listen to my intestines…I don't guess. Some types of poisoning can be conclusively shown in a Tox screen others cannot. We'll just have to wait and see. A list of potentially poisonous items found in the house could help narrow and define our screens, however," Maura looked up, "You're doing remarkably well for your first autopsy."

"I was in Iraq, remember. I've seen worse than this."

_Right._ Maura nodded, "My mother called this morning. She has two tickets for the Pops' outdoor summer concert series tomorrow night and she can't go. Would you care to join me? Perhaps, dinner beforehand?"

Chris smiled, "I'd love to. Do you always do this though? Flirt over a dead body?"

Maura raised an eyebrow, "Where else am I going to do it?"

* * *

><p>"So…what are we looking for," Jane nibbled on the edge of her pen as she walked through the Camp's back garden.<p>

"I've got all the pills from the house," Frost called out as he trotted over to her, "didn't find anything else suspicious inside."

Chris pulled out her iphone and began surfing the internet as she walked, "What about toxic plants? Mrs. Camp was an avid gardener, member of the Boston Botanical Society, even grew her own fruits and vegetables."

Jane cocked her head, "Wouldn't she know what plants are poisonous then?"

"Besides," Frost added, "there's hundreds, I don't know, thousands of different kinds of toxic plants right? We take a sample of every plant in this garden and Tox will take weeks."

"There may be hundreds, or even thousands of different types of toxic plants, but how many of them are yellow?" Chris motioned to the sea of yellow flowers.

Jane walked up and peered over her shoulder, "Good point," she pointed to Chris' phone screen, "narrow that search to yellow toxic flowers."

Chris glanced from her phone to each plant as she passed by, back to her phone, to the next plant, to the phone, "HA!"

"Got something?" Jane and Frost hurried up behind her.

"Thevetia peruviana." Chris pointed at a set of small tree-like bushes that lined one side of the greenhouse, "Yellow…oleander!"

* * *

><p>Maura giggled and Chris smiled, enthralled with the woman sitting across from her, the color of her eyes and how long she'd let someone stare into them before looking away. Maura tore her eyes away from Chris only when the waiter returned with the check; she signed it and slid out of the booth, her fingers dancing along the top of Chris' hand that had snaked around her back and come to rest on her hip as they exited the restaurant.<p>

Her small clutch began to vibrate and Maura fished through it to retrieve her phone, "Dr. Isles…ok, thank you very much," she hung up, "That was the lab, tox results came back, there was no yellow oleander present in Mr. or Mrs. Camp's systems."

"Damn," Chris sighed, "back to the drawing board."

"Back to the drawing board, tomorrow," Maura countered, lacing her fingers together with Chris' as they approached the outdoor concert, "tonight, good music and even better company."

* * *

><p>"Is it difficult to find an apartment with a police K-9?" Maura asked as they walked down the hall of Chris' floor.<p>

"It can be, but the Chief and our Captain are very helpful in providing us references and working with the property managers. Wine?" Chris asked as she made her way to the kitchen.

"Please." Maura reached down and scratched behind the ear of the German Shepherd that sniffed curiously at her feet. If his broken and unsteady gait wasn't enough to give away his age, his once black muzzle and characteristic black saddle pattern had washed out to a faded grey.

"That's Kelso," Chris handed Maura a glass of wine, "he was my father's last partner. My brother kept him while I was in Iraq and then I took him."

Maura took a sip of wine as she approached the Malinois ensconced on a cushy dog bed in front of the fireplace.

"That's Mik," Chris informed her as she sat down on the sofa and watched Maura kneel in front of the dog.

The dog hoisted himself up to inspect Maura eliciting a surprised gasp as she could finally see the side he had been lying on. Large patches of fur were missing from the right side of his face and his eye socket was sunken where it had at one time been stitched shut after losing the eye. A large scar stretched from behind where his elbow would be to his chest. Maura ran her hand along the scar before moving to join Chris on the sofa. She glanced down at Chris' scarred knee and placed her hand over it as Chris watched Mik hop to the kitchen towards his water bowl.

"The medics were able to get him stabilized. They airlifted us to Germany and the vets there took it off. He gets around very well on three legs actually," Chris explained, letting her fingers run over Maura's hand and up her forearm, "the eye causes the most problems with the loss of depth perception. It can take him awhile to adjust if I move furniture around."

Chris turned to face Maura and pulled her into a kiss. Maura shifted closer and wound her fingers through silky copper locks of hair as her other hand rested on Chris' side. A slight moan escaped Maura's lips as Chris' tongue parted them, skimming across the tender flesh, nipping at it. Soon Maura was leaning back pulling Chris down partially beside her, partially on top of her.

"I've been wanting to do that all night," Chris whispered as their lips separated slightly. She closed her eyes and nuzzled her way down Maura's cheek as fingers traced abstract circles and swirls around her back. Her tongue darted out and licked a light trail up Maura's neck followed by kisses of growing intensity under her ear.

"God," Maura moaned as she dug one hand into Chris' back, the other sliding up and over her shoulder and down a strong muscular arm. She had to admit to having a thing for beautiful arms and Chris' were toned and muscular but not overdone. Maura flushed as she entertained the thought of those arms pinning her down to the bed. Her skin tingled as a hand ran up her side and over her ribs but stopped just below her breasts before jumping to her cheek, caressing it and then guiding her lips into another flurry of heated kisses.

"Hey," Chris whispered softly, pulling away from the kiss as she smiled looking down into Maura's lustful eyes.

"Hey," Maura wrapped her arms around the strong body half on top of her, she sensed that Chris was pulling back and she didn't want to lose the contact. It felt so good.

"It's late, I need to walk the dogs and we've got to go back to the drawing board on the tox screens tomorrow," she could tell Maura was disappointed as she leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her lips, "stay with me tonight?"

Maura nodded as she strained upwards to once again capture the lips hovering so close.

"I have sleep clothes in the top left dresser drawer, wear whatever you want. The dogs won't take long," Chris begrudgingly lifted herself off the sofa and slipped on a pair of old loafers that were resting by the door. Maura giggled at the sight of the stunning redhead, slightly tousled hair, arousal flushed skin, black cocktail dress and tan sling back loafers as she ushered the two dogs out the door.

* * *

><p>"Comfortable?" Chris asked, smiling at the image of Maura in one of her tank tops and a pair of silk boxer shorts.<p>

"I enjoy the literal play on boxer shorts," Maura mused glancing down at the pajamas with their boxer dog pattern.

Chris laughed, unzipping her dress with her back to Maura and letting it fall, catching it at the last second with a lifted foot, which brought the garment to her hand. She retrieved the hanger from the closet doorknob and hung the dress, glancing over her shoulder, which caused Maura to look away embarrassed at having been caught staring.

"If I didn't want you looking at me I wouldn't have changed in front of you," Chris joked as she turned and walked towards the dresser pulling on a tank top before deftly removing the black strapless bra she was wearing.

"You have exceptionally well sculpted latissimus dorsi and trapezius muscles in your back," Maura laughed under her breath as she tracked Chris' movement to the bed.

"That may be the first time a woman has ever said that to me," Chris giggled sliding under the covers.

"I appreciate a well taken care of body," Maura mumbled as she hovered over Chris before tasting her lips again.

"So do I," Chris added in between kisses, "and yours is stunning."

_She's going to be the death of me_, Chris thought, she wanted Maura so badly, but it wasn't right yet, there was still something hanging over them.

She cupped that gorgeous face with those perfect lips and those bright eyes that were quickly working her towards physical insanity and gently pushed it back, "Believe me," she rasped, "I want you, God, I want you, but…" she couldn't tell her the real reason, "…tonight we should get some sleep, get this case solved and this weekend we're both off, let's spend it together?"

Maura smiled and nodded and started to pull away but Chris' arms wrapped around her and held her close, guiding Maura to rest her head in the crook of her neck. Chris hummed as Maura exhaled and her breath tickled across her chest. She let her hand stroke up and down Maura's arm, fingers ghosting over a delicate wrist and weaving in and out of Maura's playful attempts to take hold of it until Chris finally relented, her hand squeezing around Maura's as they both drifted off to sleep.


	11. Crystal Clear

**Notes:** So…there was a little backlash after the last chapter. I honestly don't mind reading your constructive criticism, even your frustration. But I would ask that you present those comments in an adult and respectful manner. My general outline for this story was set when I started; if you follow my stories on here you must realize that I try to the best of my ability to utilize a blend of plot through cases and character/emotional development. I am not one to typically write mindless fluff, with the exception of the occasional one-shot. If that is the type of Rizzoli & Isles fic you want to read there is plenty of it here; perhaps my stories aren't for you. I'm not saying this to piss anyone off or be rude because I do truly appreciate all of the reviews and sometimes I get comments, when well presented that make me think about how I'm writing a particular story and give me ideas on how to continue or better present my ideas. I also try to answer all the reviews. If you review with a signed in account and want to ask questions about my thought process or where I took a chapter I'm more than happy to reply via PM and take the discussion there; I have had some quite good ones with some of you after you've reviewed a chapter. This is a different story yes; I hope that you readers trust me to take you to a place that when we arrive you'll look back and say the journey was worth it.

****Warning**** We're not really in Rated M territory in this Chapter, like a previous chapter I tried to dance a line to keep it T, at least for now. However, once again, for those of you that are strict Jane/Maura purists, this may not be your cup of tea. I'm just throwing this warning out there so no one feels surprised and you can save yourself pounding of fists and gnashing of teeth if you so desire.

**CH 11: Crystal Clear**

Maura sat hunched in front of the computer screen; her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail and she rested her chin in her left hand as she manipulated the mouse with her right.

"Housekeeper shrink your blouse again?" Jane asked as she entered the morgue, chuckling as she eyed the dress shirt that seemed far too pedestrian for Maura's fashion sense.

Maura looked down and then up at Jane, "No, I fell asleep at Chris' apartment last night after the concert. She lent me this blouse to wear today with my skirt from yesterday. I suppose it is slightly tight across the bust."

"Hmm?" Jane looked up quickly from where her eyes had once again fallen on the just straining button situated directly between Maura's breasts, "Uh, well I mean it's not that bad…Kelly said the yellow oleander isn't our culprit." _Fell asleep at Chris'….sure._

"It's not. I need something else to go on for tox. Behavior of the vics in the days preceding death, anything unusual?" Maura swiveled her stool to more fully face Jane.

"Mrs. Camp had her Botanical Society meeting last Tuesday, by all accounts she was perfectly fine. The dog trainer said he came over for a training session on Wednesday but cut it short because Mrs. Camp had a migraine and was dizzy. That's the last person that had any contact with her. Mr. Camp's associates at his firm said that on Thursday he complained of dizziness and a racing heart and seemed to have trouble concentrating and following along during a deposition. On Friday he called in sick with nausea. No one heard or saw either after that," Jane paused, "I mean, it's poisoning, it's gotta be. But we need to know what, if we can figure out what it might lead us to the perp."

Maura turned back to the computer and started typing, "If we combine their symptoms based on the likelihood that if poisoned they were poisoned with the same toxin…migraine symptoms would include dizziness, photosensitivity, add in cardiac arythmia, mental disorientation, nausea…"

After several seconds of scrolling Maura cocked her head, "All of those symptoms would be consistent with atropine overdose. Of course it would be helpful if we had a witness to confirm dissociative hallucination…I'll have the lab run tests for the most common plant sources, nightshade, jimsonweed, mandrake and datura."

* * *

><p>"Pass the ketchup," Chris mumbled as she shoved a couple of fries in her mouth.<p>

"I hate cases like this," Frost mused.

"Really?" Chris quirked an eyebrow, "I think it's fascinating."

"If by fascinating, you mean maddening…then sure," he laughed. "It's just…nice when COD is right there. It's not that it's necessarily easier, but at least you don't feel like you're spinning wheels trying to figure out how the vic died in the first place."

It seemed like as good a time as any, Chris glanced quickly from Frost to Jane, "So, my buddies from K-9 and SWAT, we do a card night every couple of weeks. Just an excuse to get together, do some drinking, eat some food. I'm hosting this Friday night…if the two of you and Korsak would like to come."

"Poker!" Frost's face lit up.

"Yeah," Chris laughed, chomping down on another fry.

"I'm in. I make some mean chili too, I'd be happy to bring some with," Frost smiled as he took a bite of his burger.

"I'll take you up on that."

"Yeah, sounds good, could use a change of scenery from the Robber," Jane fumbled for her phone in her blazer pocket, "Yeah Maura…sweet…spell it," Jane tapped on the table to get Frost and Kelly's attention, "Datura, D-A-T-U-R-A…yeah yeah, I can wikipedia if I need to. Thanks Maur!"

Jane slammed her palm down on the table "Got it! Poisoning is confirmed; a plant called datura, then Maura did the blah blah googlemouth thing, something about it being fairly uncommon but related to nightshade. We need to get back to the Camp's house."

* * *

><p>Robert and Gwen Camp's daughter was just exiting the house when Jane, Frost and Kelly pulled up. She wiped at her eyes as the detectives approached; it was obvious she was a fairly stoic young woman. Alexis Camp wasn't fond of anyone seeing her cry.<p>

"Detectives," she tried to force the tears down, "I came by to take care of mom's flowers, she'd…she'd be very upset if she knew they weren't being cared for. I always take care of them when she's out of town." Alexis turned around trying to compose herself, her mother wasn't out of town and she knew that but as long as the flowers thrived perhaps there was at least a small part of her still there.

"Hey," Jane put her hand on the woman's arm, "Look, we need your help. We finally got tox results that are helpful; they showed that your parents were poisoned by a plant called datura. Did your mom have any of that here?"

"Datura? It's a member of the Solanaceae family and an ancient poison known for its hallucinogenic properties. It can be extremely toxic. It wouldn't grow naturally in this climate; you'd need a greenhouse. But, no, mom doesn't have any of that here."

Jane paused as she thought, "How would it be delivered as a poison?"

"It does a bear a fruit, but I think a more likely delivery would be to create some kind of joint to smoke, which is a popular mode of getting high on the related jimsonweed or to boil it down in a beverage…" Alexis' eyes widened as she turned to unlock the front door, "Cornelia Beauchamp…" she flung the door open and stormed through the house as Jane ran up next to her.

"Talk to me Alexis, what is it," Jane grabbed her shoulder and spun her around.

"Cornelia Beauchamp, from the Botanical Society, she's licensed to provide toxic plants to pharmaceuticals and for research labs. She also grows and imports tea plants. Mom gets all of her tea from Cornelia," Alexis rifled through the kitchen cabinets pulling down her mother's prolific tea supplies, "Mom and Dad only drank tea, never coffee, they were firm believers in its holistic properties."

"What motive would this Cornelia Beauchamp have to poison your parents?" Jane asked.

"Mom won the Botanical Society's award for home garden of the year. Cornelia had an absolute fit; she thought she should have won. She always criticized mom for using only yellow flowers, she thought it drab and lacking in imagination."

"This datura plant," Jane asked, "wouldn't happen to be yellow." Alexis nodded.

_Symbolic._ Jane gathered up the various teas, "Let's get these to the lab."

* * *

><p>Jane, Frost and Korsak walked towards Kelly's apartment building. The evenings were growing cooler and it was a welcome change, summer was sliding towards an inevitable end. A breeze had returned to the city, there would probably be a few more dreadful hot spells but there seemed to be an end in sight. <em>Thank God for small favors<em> ran through Jane's mind, she was ready to stop sweating through the new dress shirts Maura had talked her into buying over the past few months, lest her dry cleaning bill force her to take on a second job.

"I'm adding this case to the list," she mused as they walked into the building, "most fucked up reasons to kill someone, your garden club liked someone else's garden better than yours."

Korsak smirked and shook his head, "I stopped keeping a list like that a long time ago. It'll just drive you crazy."

Chris' apartment was interesting, Jane thought as she nosed around the living room. Bold jewel tone colors stood out with a fairly minimalist approach to decorating. Chris chose to highlight a few special items rather than displaying everything but the kitchen sink. Jane stopped in front of a display of old knives that decorated one wall.

"These are really cool," Jane commented aloud.

"Thanks, I picked some up overseas, and some I just got online or at pawn or antique shops," Chris fingered a sheathed knife that sat on the mantle, it sported a carved bone handle shaped like a dog in celtic knot style, "This one's my favorite. Last one my dad gave me before he died."

"I like these," Jane pointed to a set of matching blades, "they look like throwing knives?"

"They are, got those in Saudi Arabia," Chris unsheathed one and handed it to Jane.

"Can you throw them?"

Chris chuckled, "With very little accuracy or effectiveness. They usually just doink off the target and hit the ground. Very much like whenever I try to play darts."

They walked over to the card game that was getting pretty heated between Maura, Frost, Sgt. Cross from K-9 and Sgt. Andrews from SWAT.

"Hey Frost," Jane called out, "think I found someone you could beat at darts." Frost glared back at her and then folded his hand as did Sgt. Andrews on his turn.

Chris grabbed a chair and pulled it up next to Maura, leaning over her shoulder to peek at her cards.

"Hey! No helping," Cross chastised, "that's cheating."

Chris watched them play for a minute, her hand resting lightly on Maura's thigh until she stood, leaned down and whispered in Maura's ear, "He's bluffing. Take him for everything he's worth," and walked to the kitchen for a beer.

* * *

><p>"You know, we should do something like this every once in a while with Homicide," Frost mused casually as he and Jane stood on Kelly's balcony looking out at the apartment courtyard, "Card night, game watching night or something, ya know?"<p>

Jane nodded, taking another swig of her beer, "As long as we don't have to invite Crowe."

They both looked over their shoulder when they heard the sliding glass door open as Maura stepped outside with them. She smiled at Frost who took the hint and excused himself inside for another beer, even though the one in his hand was only half finished. Maura settled in next to Jane, resting her arms on the balcony railing as she looked out at the night sky.

"Can I ask you something?" Jane jiggled her bottle to gauge by sound how much beer was left.

"Of course, Jane. You can ask me anything."

"When did you know…that, you know, you were attracted to women?"

Maura looked at Jane, trying to discern some tell in her face as to her motive, "I suppose I first recognized it when I was a young teenager."

Jane took another long draw off her beer, "And so you just knew and went from there?"

Maura took a deep breath, "No. I was very confused. We live in a heteronormative society. We're taught even before we're old enough to understand that women marry men. Even though you and I aren't that old, that heteronormative model was very much inculcated in how we view the social world around us, in defining our possibilities. I think, perhaps, there are more alternative models for younger people today, but the dominant paradigm is still very much that…dominant. I guess I didn't really understand and accept my attraction to women until I was in college and even then, I just wanted to have sex and explore that physical attraction. I was always such an outcast, being in a relationship with a woman, at that time just seemed like one more strike in my extreme inability to relate with other people."

"But," Jane paused, "you got past that? You figured out how to differentiate between just wanting to have sex with a woman and be in a relationship with one?"

Maura looked at Jane, watched her watch the stars, the slow moving blip of a plane unimaginably high moving through the darkness, "Yes, I did."

She could feel the hazel eyes looking at her, waiting for a greater revelation she wasn't yet prepared to give, Jane glanced at Maura and smiled, "I'm going to get another beer."

"Jane," Maura reached out and placed her hand on Jane's shoulder, "Can I ask why you're asking me?"

"Because I want to understand," Jane walked towards the door.

"Jane," Maura spoke again causing Jane to pause with her hand on the door handle, "Is it that you want to understand me? Or is it that you want to understand yourself?"

Silence. Deafening silence. A breeze streaked past and caused Jane to shudder even though it wasn't cold, "Both," she replied solemnly before heading inside.

She made her way to the kitchen where Chris was mixing up more fresh guacamole. Jane tossed her empty in the bag that was set out for recycling, "Anymore beer?"

"God yes, plenty in the fridge, help yourself," Chris answered.

Jane popped a fresh brew and leaned against the counter next to her.

"Can we talk?" Chris asked, setting down her fork and turning to face Jane.

"I seem to be doing a lot of that tonight, why the hell not," Jane answered.

"I'm not a really a beat around the bush kind of person…"

Jane chuckled into her beer, "No, you're more of a punch or shoot your way through the bush kind of person."

"I think we have that in common," Chris smiled, "one of many things."

"Oh yeah?" Jane quirked an eyebrow, "What else?"

"Maura, for starters." Chris eyed her, watched Jane freeze mid swig as the beer trickled out of her mouth and back into the bottle. "I really like her. I think I could even fall in love with her. But if you're going to get your shit together in a week, a few weeks, even a few months from now, I wish you'd do me the favor and tell me now. Call it professional courtesy if you want, shit, I don't care, call it some code of honor between two women. You're attracted to her, Rizzoli; Helen fucking Keller could see that. I don't know if she could fall in love with me; I know she's attracted to you, don't know to what extent, don't really care that's how much I like her. So, I'm willing to put myself on the line and let her break my heart if it comes to that, but I'd rather it come from her and not you playing the spoiler. So, just do me the courtesy and tell me now."

_Damn_. Jane was actually a little impressed. Kelly hadn't punched or shot through the bush, she'd fucking lobbed a verbal hand grenade into it. Perhaps Kelly gave her more credit for them being alike than was warranted, Jane thought. It wasn't often she could get over herself enough to admit someone had bigger balls, but Christine Kelly was certainly sitting on a pair.

"You really think you could fall in love with her?" Jane asked. Chris answered yes and Jane felt every bit of the stern sincerity emanating from her crystal blue eyes, "She deserves that. She deserves someone who knows for sure they can give that to her."

Jane raised her beer bottle to Chris and they clinked glasses.

* * *

><p>Chris tied up the last of the trash bags and joined Maura in the living room where she was once again giving in to Kelso's insistent pandering for ear scratches. She looked up and stood, wrapping her arms around Chris' waist.<p>

"Are you staying tonight?" Chris asked, sweeping some of Maura's hair out of her face and tucking it behind her ear.

"If you want me to."

"Absolutely," Chris answered leaning in to capture Maura's lips as her hands teased under the hem of Maura's shirt, stroking along the smooth skin of her back. "May I?" she asked gripping lightly at the shirt and sliding it off as Maura nodded yes and lifted her arms. Chris scooped Maura up, as flexible legs strengthened by yoga wrapped around her waist, and carried her to the bedroom kissing the tender exposed skin of her chest as she walked.

"The other night…" Maura queried as she arched her neck into Chris' playful kisses and nips.

"There was something I had to be sure of."

"And?" Maura pressed.

Chris dropped Maura softly to the bed, Maura's legs still wrapped around her pulling her down on top, "And tonight I want to make love to you."

Maura stripped Chris' tank top off and pulled the redhead into a kiss as she popped the front hook of the racerback bra and cupped the full breasts that hovered over her. Chris' right hand caressed up Maura's side and stroked a pert nipple through apricot colored lace. She pulled her lips back from Maura's sensual assault and looked down breathlessly at the form pinned beneath her.

"There's…there's just something I need to know from you," Chris asked hesitantly.

Maura ran her fingers through the red hair she admired so much and let her thumbs ghost across pale, freckled cheeks. She had seen them talking earlier, Jane and Chris. She knew what Chris wanted to know and it was a fair concern, "I want to see where this relationship with you goes," Maura answered, not waiting for the question.

She arched her back as Chris reconnected with her lips, passion and heat flooding her core as hands slipped between her back and the bed and removed her bra, fingers roaming over full breasts and sensitive nipples.

"Make love to me, Chris," Maura whispered in her ear.


	12. Confessions Over Burgundy

**Notes:** A special thank you to "Anamatics" for giving this chapter a couple of read throughs and offering some suggestions. Much appreciated!

**CH 12: Confessions over Burgundy**

There was something special about the Sunday dinner routine at Maura's that had evolved in the aftermath of her parents' divorce. She couldn't say it was a feeling of completion. She hadn't quite come to terms with her father leaving. Most of the time Frankie and Tommy came, but tonight for instance they had not. It just felt right, this newly evolving little ritual. Jane flinched and rolled her eyes, "Ma! Really! With the pots and pans! It's a wonder Maura's neighbors haven't called in a noise complaint."

Angela nudged Maura, "Is she this ungrateful for a free meal when it's not cooked by me?"

Maura laughed and placed the last rinsed dish in the dishwasher, "Dinner was delicious as always."

Angela looked over her shoulder and lowered her voice, "Is everything ok? Janie, hasn't seemed herself lately."

Maura's eyes gravitated towards the sink where the faucet dripped at a mesmerizing tempo. Jane didn't give her parents much credit for open-mindedness and so Maura wasn't sure the extent to which she should explain. "I've been seeing someone and…"

"That beautiful woman I've seen come by a couple of times?" Angela queried, "Not that…I mean, not that I've been nosing around, I just happened to notice...her vehicle isn't exactly inconspicuous. And I might have seen her kiss you."

The look of surprise on Maura's face was quite apparent. "What?" Angela asked, "See, you didn't think I was…hip. No doubt Jane led you to believe I was some hyperconservative hold over from the 50s. Good for you, Maura. Really. And Janie's not homophobic…"

"No, no," Maura waved her hands, "Jane knows I'm seeing Chris…I…I don't think she approves…not because Chris is a woman, but because…well, she and Chris started off on the wrong foot. I'm really not sure, actually."

Angela glanced into the living room at her daughter and then back at Maura, raising an eyebrow, "Mmmhmm, you two should talk." She wiped her hands on the dish towel and called out to Jane, "You girls have a good night, I'm going to get ready for bed."

"Night Ma," Jane called back.

There were still a good two glasses of wine left in the night's second bottle of Grand Cru Montrachet. Maura picked up the bottle and waved it under her nose, inhaling the pungent fruity notes before taking down two fresh glasses and filling them.

"Were you just smelling the wine?" Jane laughed as she walked into the kitchen.

Maura handed her one of the glasses, "The second step in wine tasting is to smell. Smell can be critical to properly analyzing a glass of wine. The aroma helps indicate the quality and can often reveal to the senses subtle notes in the vintage that may be lost in tasting. Mother brought me this from France when she was here for the art installation. I just wanted to properly appreciate it."

"Wine tasting sounds very complicated, I should probably stick to beer," Jane smiled as she went to take a gulp of wine but paused, lowering the glass to take a daintier sip.

They sat on the sofa and Maura turned the tv off, "Actually, beer tasting is a similar procedure. We should go sometime, wine tasting and beer tasting…best of both worlds."

Jane set her glass down on the table, "I'd like that…as long as you don't make fun of me for not knowing anything about wine."

"Deal," Maura giggled, "besides, I am to the world of beer what you are to the world of wine. So, I think it will be an even trade and equally enlightening for both of us."

An awkward, palpable silence settled in between them. Jane kicked her tennis shoes off and pulled her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them protectively. It was a comfort mechanism, a holdover from her childhood. She would sit like that when she was upset, refusing to cry, rocking back and forth. And if tears clawed their way out she'd just cinch her arms around her legs tighter, grit her teeth harder, crinkle her nose until it threatened to freeze that way and beat the tears back with sheer will power.

"So, where's Kelly tonight?"

Maura took another sip of her wine and then set the glass down, "At home, why?"

Jane scratched the back of her head, "I dunno, just…you said the two of you had plans all weekend, so I thought we probably wouldn't be having Sunday dinner and then when Ma said we were I guess I assumed maybe she would be here."

Maura tilted her head and looked quizzically at Jane, "No, I didn't invite her to dinner. I…I guess I think of this as…as our time together."

Jane smiled, "She, uh, probably needed to pack for her training seminar anyway." The look on Maura's face hardened from quizzical to confused. "She…didn't tell you about the training seminar?" _Awkward Rizzoli_. "She has some week long K-9 seminar, I only know about it because she mentioned while we were working the Camp case that she hoped we wrapped up in time to go. She said the seminar had been scheduled for months and even though…you know, with her dog, she was going to go and help run the classes."

"I guess she forgot to mention it," Maura swirled the wine in her glass and watched the deep burgundy liquid circle near the lip before settling. "Jane, can we talk…about what we talked about Friday night?"

Jane averted her eyes and fidgeted with her pants.

"Ever since I started seeing Chris, you've been…not yourself, distant, and then when you asked me about being attracted to women and said you were trying to understand yourself…Jane? Are…are you attracted to women?" Maura set her glass down again and scooted closer to Jane on the sofa.

"I'm just gonna go get the wine…" Jane started to get up but Maura anticipated her flight and was already reaching for her shoulder to drag her back down.

She sat for a moment, looking…anywhere but at Maura, at the blank tv screen, towards the front door, up at the ceiling, "I just…said it, ok. That I wanted to understand me. It just came out, you know, cause you're my friend and there's this…" she waved her hand, gesturing between them, "this thing, that I didn't know about and now I do and I just wanted to understand."

Maura crossed her arms, "You're lying to me. Well, perhaps not lying. Definitely deflecting."

Jane finally looked at Maura; she could feel her heart rate accelerating. _Fear_. She hated that feeling; it came too often in scenarios involving Maura. _Oh, what the hell._ She took a deep breath and exhaled loudly, "Yes. Yes, I…" _holy shit_, "I…am." The laugh started out deep in the pit of her stomach; it didn't feel like a laugh at first, in fact Jane thought she was about to throw up all over Maura's expertly and expensively upholstered sofa. But it rumbled up and soon her face was buried in her knees as raucous laughter took over her body.

"Oh my God." Jane paused, placing her hand on her chest, the huge smile on Maura's face nearly sending her into another fit. "In high school, her name was Claudia Shipman. I was completely enthralled with her. We played field hockey together. Jesus, I used to watch her change in the locker room when no one was looking. Susan Atchison when I was getting my Associate's Degree, she was in the criminal justice program with me. My God I used to stare at her during class; I bet she thought I was insane. Lindsey Robertson in my academy class; she was gay. I almost kissed her, but it…I…felt wrong. Everything's always felt wrong. Trying to be with men, feels wrong. I think I've wanted liking women to feel wrong and I haven't been able to make it."

"You can't make something feel wrong that's just a natural part of you, Jane. What you feel, it's not bad, it's not unnatural, it's not a sin…I firmly believe that. It's just you, and it's me and it's millions of other people across the world and throughout time."

"Thank you," Jane sniffled, pinching her nose and fighting back the raw tide of emotion that wanted to breach her finely crafted defenses.

Maura reached out and took Jane's hand, "Thank you. For telling me." _Finally._

"Maura I'm attracted you." _Word vomit_. It just came spilling out, one long nightmare of consonants and vowels. "Oh…fuck…I shouldn't have said that, Maura…I'm sorry." Jane slammed her face into her knees. A moment passed and she opened one eye and peeped out at Maura, who was still holding her hand.

"It's ok, Jane," Maura's voice was soft and understanding. "Jane…look at me." She waited patiently for the dark brunette to sit up, turn and face her. "Jane, I've had feelings for you…for quite some time. I…" Maura paused, looking down at their intertwined hands, "But, I am also attracted to Christine. I didn't expect that. I'm not sure how to say this, without it sounding harsh, which isn't how I mean it at all…but, with this revelation, what do you want from me?"

It was contemplative, the look on Jane's face as she looked in Maura's eyes. _What do I want from her? How much do I want from her?_ "I know that sometimes I want to kiss you and touch you. But…I need to know, for myself that it's more than that. And right now, Maura, I…it's all so new and I'd never forgive myself if I did something stupid with you that I couldn't follow through on…something that didn't mean what I thought it did or wanted it to. I don't even know if I'm making sense."

"It makes sense Jane," Maura smiled, "It makes perfect sense."

* * *

><p><em>At least I'm in the shade<em>. Kelly winced and gritted her teeth, glaring down at the on call physician and the dark red blood smeared across the gashes in her side. _It's too dark, I should drink more water._ She wished she were in Boston, so she could tell this pimply-faced resident to fuck off and go get Maura to stitch her up. It was Wednesday, Korsak liked to go to that calzone place on Wednesday for the lunch special. She licked her lips thinking about a juicy, cheesy calzone. _Ow!_ _What medical resident jack-wagon draws first aid tent duty at a police K-9 seminar? Obviously the one who feels like he's stitching me up with a rusty nail and barbed wire. Maybe they don't teach suturing anymore in medical school, just send the fuckwits out on their own with a needle and thread and let them figure it out. He could probably perform an organ transplant on me but can't stitch me up without it feeling like I'm in the eighth installment of the SAW franchise._

"Kelly," Cpt. Petrovski approached the tent, "Jesus Christ! Maybe you should go to the actual hospital?"

"That's what I told her," the doctor grumbled as he continued to stitch.

"I've had worse," Kelly winced again, "Fuck man! Have you even done this before!"

Petrovski shook his head, trying to hide the smirk, "What the fuck happened?"

"Was just doing sleeve work exercise with a few of the teams. That fucking rook from Springfield…I released the sleeve to reward the dog and I turned around, stupid rook let go of his line to out the dog on the sleeve and the bastard came right back at me and nailed me in the side. Springfield oughta be banned from these seminars, have you ever seen a decent dog on Springfield's roster?"

Petrovski chuckled under his breath, "Well, you know, not every department has the luxury of ex-army handlers and the budget to pop 30k on a proven dog."

"35," Kelly mumbled, "Grecco cost 35."

"Why are you here, Chris?"

She looked up. He'd called her Chris. "I signed up for this seminar months ago."

"You signed up for this seminar when you had a dog. Don't get me wrong, a damn fine dog and you're a damn fine handler. Probably one of the best I've ever seen. But you temp transferred to homicide and then you blow off for a week to come here with no dog?"

Chris gritted her teeth as the doctor tied up the last stitch, she sat up too quickly, grabbing at her side in pain, "Because it's what I do. It's all I've ever done. This is who I am. Being here…makes sense; it's where I belong. If I don't have the dogs; I don't have anything."

"Seems to me, you've got more than you realize. Friends. From what I understand, a girlfriend now, the Medical Examiner? Hear she's smoking hot," Petrovski chuckled, eliciting a smile from his Sergeant.

"Yeah…she is," Chris closed her eyes and took as deep a breath as the pain in her side would allow, "People always disappoint. The dogs though, they've never let me down. Never. And twice…twice I've let them down. You say I'm one of the best you've ever seen? How many of the best have one mutilated partner and one dead one?"

"And you know neither of those are your fault. You saved that dog in Iraq…"

Chris rolled her eyes, "And isn't that just part of the whole clusterfuck! I saved the dog. Half his face and his leg blown to hell and ten feet away a living breathing human being screaming for help, reaching out to me. I see her hand, in my nightmares, Captain. Reaching, her fingers straining as far as they can, covered in blood. And I saved the dog."

Petrovski grabbed Chris by either shoulder, "It was a fucking war zone Chris! I know! 'Nam fucked my shit up for a long time. You didn't do anything any one of us wouldn't have done. The higher ups in the army may not understand, other cops may not understand, civilians sure as fuck won't understand. But I would have done the same damn thing. That was your partner. To everyone else Mik was just a dog, but to you, he was your partner. How many times did that dog save your life? Save the lives of other soldiers and civilians when he alerted on explosives? How many times! And you think returning the favor dooms you to some sort of self-loathing, no happiness-having purgatory. Saving the dog in that instance doesn't have to be a blueprint for the rest of your life."

Chris looked in her Captain's eyes, "But it's how I am, it's who I am, that situation aside."

"It doesn't have to be! It's how you are because it's how you let yourself be. It's easier for you that way, put the dogs first. But it doesn't have to be that way and finding a way to compartmentalize isn't going to make you a worse handler. I promise you, the Chief is going to give you whatever you want. We'll find you a fucking nightmare son of a bitch of a dog you'll goddamn win the USPCA Nationals with; it doesn't mean you can't have a life outside of this. Some people need that talk it out bullshit therapy mumbo jumbo, I didn't, I needed someone to tell me to get the fuck over it and quit screwing over my own life because I only had me to blame in reality. And I think you're the same kind of person, so take it from me Chris, you put the dogs first because it's the easy route and the Christine Kelly I know, in any other situation, doesn't take the easy route. For as fucked up as it is, maybe losing Grecco will be good for you. Spend some time with _**people**_, people outside of this scene," he motioned behind him to the dog and handler teams that continued to work on the field, "realize that not every human being out there is just waiting for the opportunity to screw you over. When the time is right, we'll have a dog for you."

Petrovski turned and walked away, "Go home, Chris," he shouted over his shoulder.


	13. Pink Lace

*****WARNING***** This Chapter is rated M. If you are too young and impressionable for that cease and desist reading immediately.

**Notes: **Special thanks to anamatics for reading through this chapter and offering suggestions and I realized I was remiss for not thanking her for reading through chapter 12 as well.

**CH 13: Pink Lace**

It was well into the evening by the time Chris had arrived back in Boston, stopped by the pharmacy to pick up the antibiotics and pain pills Doogie Howser had prescribed and then pulled up to Maura's house. She hadn't called first at risk of Maura telling her not to come by. Their text message conversation on Monday had bordered on…_heated?_ Heated, if texts could come off as heated devoid of voice, tone and inflection. Chris swung her bag up on her right shoulder and fell into the side of her truck as she grabbed her left side. _Sonofabitch_. Her face flushed and she could feel a slight sheen of sweat accumulating on her brow in response to the pain. _Deep breath, suck it up soldier. _If only she would have seen the dog coming, she could have sacrificed her arm; she couldn't imagine that would hurt worse than being nailed in the side.

Maura looked up from her book, towards the door, she wasn't expecting anyone, "Come in, it's open Angela."

"Please tell me you did not just yell to a stranger that your door was unlocked," Chris chastised as she walked in.

"I didn't…yell to a stranger. I assumed it was Angela," Maura stood and watched Chris try to hide that fact that she was limping. "What…?"

"Well it wasn't Angela, it could have been some psycho axe murderer!" Chris dropped her bag to the floor and took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"If I promise not to do it again, will you tell me why you're limping?" Maura took Chris' arm and helped her to the sofa.

"Had a little accident at the training workshop today."

"Ah," Maura sat down next to her, "yes, the week long seminar you forgot to tell me you were going to."

Chris leaned back and stared up at the ceiling, "That'd be the one." She lifted her shirt to reveal the rather large bandage covering most of her left side, "Have a look if you want."

Maura gingerly peeled the bandage back. She was old hat at this, seeing people she cared for badly injured. The first time the nurse removed Jane's bandage to change it after she woke up the usually stoic detective had cried, her body trembling uncontrollably. It had been heart breaking. That first time, Maura had cried as well. Crying didn't help; it didn't make her feel any better and it only made Jane feel worse. Over the course of Jane's convalescence she learned to hide the outward expressions of how devastating it was to see someone so close to her in such pain, but inside her heart raced and everything felt like it was on fire. Maura decided she'd rather be the one in pain, just once she didn't want to have to watch suffering.

_A little accident?_ The wound looked horrible and excruciating. She winced as she looked at the gashes, "You were mauled?"

Chris lifted her arm and looked down, "Something like that. Rookie handler and dog. I wasn't wearing a full bite suit, the dog came at me unexpectedly and nailed me dirty."

"The suture job is terrible, who did it? A first year medical student?"

Chris laughed, "Damn near close to it. Ow, don't try to be funny, laughing hurts."

"I find when I try to be funny, I'm rarely successful." Maura placed one hand on Chris' lower back and the other on her stomach so as not to touch the immediate area surrounding the bite wounds, "It will scar pretty badly as it is now. I have some local anesthetic and a suture kit, I can redo it if…"

"I trust you," Chris placed her hand over Maura's.

* * *

><p>Chris rolled onto her right side on the bed, she'd shed her shirt for convenience and her bare skin tingled in painful anticipation of being stitched up for the second time that day. She didn't really care about the scars. Unlike the knee her side wouldn't show to anyone she wasn't sleeping with. At its core agreeing to let Maura do this was about the trust; she did trust Maura, strangely considering how she was always waiting to be hurt. Forgetting to tell her about the seminar was an honest mistake, not one that necessarily warranted submitting oneself to needless pain, but it seemed like a good way to make amends when she had agreed. Besides, Maura being somewhat preoccupied with a task familiar to her would make talking easier Chris assumed.<p>

Maura cleaned the area, numbed it with the anesthetic and began snipping away at the poorly placed sutures.

"I'm sorry I forgot to tell you about the seminar."

Maura didn't respond.

"You're still mad?" Chris shifted slightly.

"Try not to move. And I was never mad." Maura finished removing the first set of stitches and prepared to re-suture the wounds.

"You sounded mad in your texts."

"I find it hard to believe you could infer tone from a few messages totaling less than 160 characters each," Maura felt Chris' skin quiver under her touch as she pierced her skin with the needle.

"I'm quite perceptive…Would you like to know how I ended up handling dogs?" Chris propped her head up with her right arm so she could look at Maura, who nodded as she continued to stitch.

"Well, I wanted to be a jockey…but you might have noticed I'm a bit tall for that," they both laughed, "You already know my dad was a K-9 handler for BPD. The job, the dogs were his life. My brother and I were more like his gifts to my mother, something for her to do while he was working dogs. And then she died, when I was four, in a car accident."

Maura paused, "I'm sorry."

"And dad just kept on like he always had. One time, I remember, he put some soup on the stove for dinner and forgot about it. I don't know how I've remembered it all these years. I went in the kitchen and it was boiling and bubbling over, it was some kind of canned soup, beef and vegetable or something. I reached up to try and get the pot. I was just about to put my hand on the eye of the stove or pull the whole thing over on my head, God only knows, and dad's partner, this huge black and tan point German Shepherd named Zeke grabbed me by the strap of my overalls and hauled me away and out of the kitchen. Dad was always a German Shepherd guy, he liked to give me shit about having Malinois. But that was the moment I quit relying on people. He only took an interest in me when I took an interest in the dogs. So I started learning everything he had to teach. And as long as we were working dogs I had his attention. And if we weren't…I realized that when the people in my life bailed I still had the dogs. They were always there and they never let me down. They gave every part of themselves to me and so I started giving every part of myself to them. He told me once that if you prove to the dog that you deserve his loyalty he'll give you his life and don't you dare betray that gift. That's why I chose Mik over that girl in Iraq. It's why I've always put the dogs before any person. Spending this past weekend with you, Maura, was the first time in as long as I can remember being so happy to be with a person that I honestly didn't think about Mik, or Grecco or the damn seminar until I was back home alone Sunday night. And because I didn't think about it while I was with you I just completely forgot if I had even mentioned it."

Maura tied off the last stitch and let her fingers caress lightly around the small of Chris' lower back.

"Maura, I want to believe that there are people worth putting first in my life. You make me want to try that."

Chris rolled onto her back as Maura leaned down pressing their lips together. She wrapped one hand through Maura's long hair as the ends tickled along her neck and chest. Maura's tongue ghosted over her lower lip and Chris moaned as she allowed it entrance.

"I wasn't mad," Maura whispered, pulling back, "It made me feel unimportant to you. But, I do understand, I understand where you're coming from."

Chris cocked her head, _how?_ She wasn't sure if Maura really did understand or if she was just saying it.

"Because I was adopted, and I grew up with parents who never had time for me. I know what it's like to try and find ways to connect with people and not be able to. At least your retreat was to something living, I immersed myself in the dead. Until I came to BPD and I finally knew what it meant to have friends, to have a family, to have people I could rely on," Maura stroked Chris' face.

"Kiss me," Chris whispered as she pulled Maura back towards her, her hand snaking under the loose V-neck t-shirt Maura was wearing in order to relish the smooth skin underneath. Her fingertips roamed, tracing the dip in Maura's back, over her ribs and up her stomach as she fingered the lace-covered underwire of Maura's bra before letting her hand rest in the valley between her breasts.

Maura reached for her shirt and removed it. She looked down at Chris' body, the newly stitched gashes in her side, the emerging bruising, swirling yellow and green with the faintest of blue to contrast with the fair almost porcelain flesh tone around it. She ran her finger along the perimeter of the mass of bites and tears. Her chest was flushed pink and Maura smiled watching her breathe heavily with anticipation, "We shouldn't, you're in pain."

Chris struggled to sit up, "You're worth it," she said between sensual kisses to the pulse point on Maura's neck, "Let me feel you." She reached around Maura's back and unhooked her bra, letting Maura toss it aside as she removed her own. Maura hummed as their breasts pressed together, lips connecting again. Chris bit down lightly on Maura's plump lower lip and smiled, "You'll have to be on top."

Maura grinned into another kiss, "I think I can manage."

She pushed Chris gently back to the bed and removed her jeans and underwear; having second thoughts at the flashes of pain that Chris' face couldn't hide as she lifted her hips so Maura could slide them off, "Don't even," Chris anticipated another protest, "If a shell in Iraq can't break me, you can't break me."

Maura stood; she watched with amusement as Chris' eyes roamed lasciviously over her body. She turned her back and hooked her thumbs under the waistband of her yoga pants and inched them down slowly. Once they were over the swell of her ass they fell easily to the floor, leaving Maura standing in only a pair of pink lace boy shorts. She looked over her shoulder teasingly at Chris, it was somewhat exhilarating knowing that in her present condition the woman on the bed wouldn't make any sudden movements to hurry things along. She could ostensibly drag this out for quite some time. She enjoyed having that power. Her fingers danced around the top of the panties, toying playfully with the small silk bows on each hip.

"Leave them on," Chris growled.

"Really?" Maura turned around, surprised, she was used to her lovers wasting no time stripping various layers of clothes from her body.

"Oh my God yes, leave them on."

Maura stalked back to the bed and carefully straddled Chris, keeping all of her weight on her own legs and none on the sore and tattered body beneath her, "You don't strike me as the pink lace type," Maura leaned over her, taking one of Chris' hard nipples in her mouth.

Chris hissed, "Oh…I'm very much the pink lace type…as long as it's on you. I love a woman in beautiful lingerie."

Maura moved to the other breast, palming the one she had just finished laving with affectionate suckling and kisses. Her teeth and tongue worked a heated trail down Chris' abdomen, feeling the taut muscles flex under her lips and fingers as she settled between the redhead's legs.

It was surprising, Chris thought, as Maura's tongue made contact with her core, the pain didn't detract from the pleasure; rather it mingled together to form a most erotic sensation. Perhaps those bondage freaks as she had always called them were on to something after all. She tried to control her hips' natural urge to roll with Maura's strokes, while the pain in her side was strangely arousing now she knew in the morning it would probably hurt like mad.

"Fuck," Chris gasped as Maura finally lavished attention on her clit. Chris couldn't come with just penetration; she never had been able to. Maura could. Chris liked that about her, she'd never had a girlfriend that would let her use a strap on. Maybe when it didn't feel like a 110 pound dog had used her side as a chew toy Maura would entertain the idea. She wrapped her hand through Maura's hair, pulling herself into a half-sit up position as her body shook with the electricity of her release at Maura's deft ministrations.

Maura sat up and moved to dab at her mouth but Chris reached out and stopped her, pulling her into a kiss, "You are very good at that," she whispered as she guided Maura into her lap.

Chris locked her arms under Maura's ass and forced her to rise up on her knees so she could roll her tongue around a pink and aroused nipple without having to lean down.

"Mmm," Maura moaned, arching into Chris' touch as her nails raked down her back. "Touch me," she pleaded as she eased back down into Chris' lap.

She meant it when she said she loved a woman in beautiful lingerie. Chris wasn't much for wearing it herself; it felt incongruous with her physique. She enjoyed pretty undergarments, occasionally even matching sets as much as the next woman, but the likes of bows and lace always looked ridiculous to her eye paired with noticeably defined muscles, scars and the more than occasional bruise or scratch from training. She ran her fingers over the delicate lace covering Maura's ass, down the center and in between her legs where she could feel pooling heat that couldn't be masked by the thin layer of fabric.

Maura's breath was growing increasingly ragged as she rolled her hips seeking some relief from Chris' teasing, "Please." It struck her, that sense of control she thought she had when she had stood at the side of the bed only moments ago…gone.

Chris' hand trailed back up and caressed slowly down Maura's stomach before sliding inside the lace and finding ample wetness and Maura's throbbing center. She sucked and kissed on the sensitive skin under Maura's ear, her eyes fluttering as Maura's exhalations tickled her cheek and made the downy hairs on the back of her neck stand. Two fingers found their way deep inside and set up a torturous rhythm, each down stroke curling as it drew almost completely out before plunging back in.

"Lay back," Maura ordered, taking back some control. She needed more room to move.

Chris smiled, her eyes darting back and forth from the two perfect breasts bobbing right in front of her as Maura bucked on her hand to the flashing brilliance of her hazel eyes as they looked down at her. Chris wrapped her hand around Maura's back, squeezing the rippling muscles that strained through the lithe body's gyrations.

"Chris…" Maura panted.

"Come for me baby," Chris pressed her thumb into Maura's clit and smiled as Maura gasped, her body trembling as she climaxed.

Chris slipped her hand out from between them and pulled Maura with no resistance down on top of her. They both lay in silence for a few moments save for the sound of their breaths and the excited pulsing of veins that throbbed in their ears. Chris rested her cheek against Maura's, "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen when you come."

Maura chuckled into her neck before raising her head to place a chaste kiss on Chris' lips. She glanced down at the wounds on her lover's left side to make sure there was no damage as she slid off and nestled in beside her.

"I'm sorry I made you feel unimportant to me," she kissed Maura's forehead as she said it, "I'll make it up to you."

"This wasn't making it up to me?" Maura grinned slyly.

"Only part one."


	14. GreenEyed Monster

**Notes: **Since this story has turned into the playground for vicious trolls in the reviews section hiding behind anonymity, not only here but some with clearly no real life have taken to trolling the reviews of my other stories commenting on this story. As such, I have disabled anonymous reviews. If you want to flame/rant/have a tantrum/throw shit or otherwise act like an immature asshole nut up like a big girl and sign in with an actual account so that you can be responded to. For those of you that have reviewed anon but have done so respectfully or to offer actual constructive criticism or dialogue on the story, my apologies that this may prevent you from doing so if you don't have or want an actual account. When the story is complete I'll consider turning the anonymous review function back on.

**CH 14: Green-eyed Monster**

Kelly shifted the small pillow in her chair behind her back and winced.

"Hemorrhoids?" Jane asked jokingly as she walked into the bullpen with her coffee.

Kelly chuckled, "Don't make me laugh, it hurts."

"Thought you were at that K-9 thing all week?" Jane sat down at her desk and started rifling through memos.

"Took a dirty hit off a K-9 out of Springfield, nailed me right in the side…bastard. Captain sent me home," Kelly pulled the tea bag out of her cup and let it drip before tossing it in the trash.

"Shit, why didn't you take the rest of the week off?"

"I get bored easily. Besides, it's not that bad. He got a good bite and twist in on me, tore the skin up but I've had worse. I mean it hurts like hell but nothing's broken, I can still walk, get around, do my job. Pain pills help. Bet I'll have some nice scars."

Jane smiled and walked over to Kelly's desk, "Show me yours and I'll show you mine."

"Hittin' on me Rizzoli?" Kelly smirked.

"Nah, you're not my type," Jane sat on the edge of the desk.

Kelly raised an eyebrow, "Yeah…I think we know your type."

Jane laughed, "Yeah, you're dating her." She glanced around at the rather empty bullpen save for Korsak and Frost and lifted her shirt. "Entry wound from the shooting," she pointed to her side and then twisted, "Exit."

"Still can't believe you shot through yourself," Chris shook her head and pulled her blouse out of her pants and lifted it up, peeling back the bandage.

"Oh! Damn," Jane crinkled up her nose as she looked, "Yeah, that's gonna look way gnarlier than this."

Korsak rolled his eyes at his desk, "Ok, ok, you both have big penises. Now who's meeting with the DA about the Camp case at 10?"

"Ew," Jane exclaimed, "Never say that again," she laughed. "Who with?"

Korsak looked at the message, "Brad Morgan."

Jane's eyes got wide and her mouth fell agape, "I, umm, would rather not."

"I can go," Kelly volunteered.

* * *

><p>Jane tinkered with the sheet of paper in her hand as she bounced on the balls of her feet in the elevator. It was a slow day, which couldn't help but be boring but, that was ok; the slip of paper was a bright spot that could not be diminished, not by boredom, not by paperwork, not if she got a call out on a triple in ten minutes. She walked through the morgue doors and made a beeline straight for Maura's office.<p>

Jane popped the paper and held it out, "It's a good day Maur, league softball schedule! First game is Sunday, you playing with us?"

Maura's face lit up as she took the schedule, "You want me to play?"

"Yeah," Jane laughed, "I mean, hell, last year you hit the ball after I struck out. But, you can't wear that…" she gestured erratically at her body, "bodysuit…thing you wore the last time…that's….that's a definite no. We'll get you a proper jersey."

"You know that suit is not only aerodynamic it's designed with intrinsic cooling properties to help allay heat exhaustion," Maura interjected.

"I don't care if it's made from the cloned skin cells of Babe Ruth himself, no…you're not wearing that again," Jane laughed.

"Cloned skin cells would be a little too Silence of the Lambs for me," Maura remarked off hand as she clicked on an incoming email.

"Silence of the…" Jane crossed her arms and smirked, "Did you just make a popular culture film reference!"

"Contrary to popular belief my appreciation for film does extend beyond the classical pre-WWII Hollywood era and film noir."

Jane laughed as she walked towards the door, "Dr. Maura Isles, familiar with the talkies!"

"Very funny, Jane!" Maura called out as Jane exited.

* * *

><p>"God, it's barely past lunch," Frost whined looking at his watch.<p>

Jane's head snapped up from where she was nearly dozing off propped in her hand.

Kelly entered the bullpen to welcome back nods, she held up a sack, "I picked up some, jelly…flakey…croissant thingies on my way back," she set the bag on the table by the coffee pot.

Korsak wasted no time making his way to the pastries, "How'd the meeting go?" he asked, rooting through the bag.

"Fine," Kelly replied taking a seat at her desk and pulling her deli sandwich out of a separate bag, "The DA's office feels good about it. Jane, Brad said he'd call if they thought you'd be summoned, since you were the lead."

_Fuck_. "Gah, ok."

Frost pointed with a wicked smile, "Wait a second, that's the Brad you went on the date with! That's why you didn't want to do the meeting. What, date didn't go well? Was he like all, boring lawyer, I motion we make out."

"He was nice," Jane sighed, "Just…didn't go well…anyway enough about yet another of my failed dates in a long and distinguished lineage of failed dates. More about if this blessedly long day ever ends our game strategy session at the Robber this evening. We've got to figure out our line up."

Kelly snorted under her breath, "Lemme guess, the league softball schedule came out today?"

"Yes, thank you God," Jane raised her hands dramatically towards the sky.

Frost cleared his throat, lifted one eyebrow as he caught Jane's eye and nodded his head towards Kelly.

"You, uh, probably play with SWAT, right Kelly?" Jane asked.

"No," she didn't look up as she continued to type away on her computer.

"You're…more than welcome to join us, if you'd like," Jane hoped her voice didn't sound as unenthusiastic as it felt.

"Oh, I mean, no, I don't play softball…like, at all," Kelly looked, "Never did like the game, so, no need for a pity invite," she smiled and went back to her email.

"Don't like softball!" Jane's face was riddled with shock, "Isn't that like the lesbian national pastime or something?" she laughed.

Kelly laughed with her, "Damn near close to it. Nah, you guys have fun and I'll demonstrate my gay sporting prowess when league bowling rolls around."

* * *

><p>Maura watched with rapt fascination as the Homicide crew scribbled and scratched across bar napkins. One would think they were diagramming the invasion of Normandy instead of a softball batting order and field placement.<p>

"Where'll we put the Doc?" Frost asked, scanning over the list.

"Oh you can just put me anywhere," Maura smiled taking a sip of her Cosmo.

If the Robber was the setting in a classic cartoon a loud whooshing sound would have boomed through the speakers as the detectives all turned their heads collectively in abject horror.

"Or…not?" Maura back peddled, flashing a conciliatory smile as she took another sip of her drink.

Jane chuckled, "Put her after Frankie and then, we've got in and outfield covered, I'm thinking 3rd base coach when she's not up to bat?"

Maura cocked her head, "You don't trust me in the field?"

"Uh, no, I mean, it's not that we don't trust you in the field," Jane stammered, "third base coach is very important, the person needs to be able to process uh, lots of data on the trajectory of the ball, likely plays the other team might make and be able to formulate a quick decision for the running players."

"God, Martinez was terrible at third last year," Frost shook his head, "how many games did we lose because of his general asshattery at waving runners through?"

"Too damn many," Jane grumbled.

Jane put her hand on Maura's knee under the table, "Seriously Maur, we need somebody smart at third."

Maura smiled and nodded; she lifted her finger to catch the bar tender's attention, "Next round on me."

* * *

><p>"You're wearing jeans," Jane's eyes roamed up and down the length of Maura's body, "they're…painted on, more like jeggings really, but jeans nonetheless."<p>

"Jeggings, Jane? Really! Pants are far more conducive to dancing, shall we?" Maura stepped out of the doorway so that Jane could exit her apartment.

"So…" Jane noticed Maura's car was empty as they approached it, "Where's Kelly on this lovely Friday night?"

"She didn't feel like going out, so it's just you and me, if that's ok," Maura smiled as they got into the car.

"Mmhmm," Jane nodded. _Yeah, just you…and me…at Merch…awesome. Awkward._

* * *

><p>The inside of Merch had been remodeled since the case there last year. No doubt a calculated ploy by the new ownership to distance themselves from the stigma of the murder. The bar oozed a sleek sophistication through rounded edges that led the eye to flow through the space. New lighting cast an almost cerulean tint on the walls and the flooring seemed to undulate in dark blue waves. There was an inviting dance area and a state of the art sound system for when the music picked up later in the evenings.<p>

Jane slid her credit card across the bar into the attentive hands of the bartender, "Sam Adams and a…" she looked at Maura.

"I'll have a gin martini, Bombay Sapphire, and make it dirty," Maura smiled.

The DJ was just getting queued up and that created a few open tables as the other patrons began to work their way towards the dance floor. Jane spotted the furthest free table for two from the music and led the way to it.

She took a swig of her beer, "I'm kind of glad Kelly didn't want to come, no offense. You know, we've been so busy with these last couple of cases we haven't had a lot of time to just hang out, the two of us. Other than Sunday dinner of course, which, I still can't believe you haven't like whacked my Ma over the head with a cast iron skillet yet and found some obscure place to hide her body. You must have the patience of Job."

That Jane was glad Chris hadn't come didn't go unnoticed by Maura, but she decided to leave that sentiment alone for the time being. "The patience of Job. That phrase has always intrigued me, in its more specific theological context it doesn't really refer to patience in the sense that we think of it…the message of Job is that when we say we don't deserve catastrophe, we essentially condemn God, we accuse Him of being unjust. However, in the grander sense I can see the linkages to our contemporary thoughts on patience as resistance in the face of adversity. And besides, I think your mother is wonderful. I know I've said it before but, it probably takes growing up with a family like mine to appreciate a family like yours," Maura shook the plastic toothpick over her drink before delicately removing one of the olives with her teeth.

"Do you like…research all these sayings or something?" Jane laughed.

"Well, sometimes, but I have done a fair amount of reading on Catholicism in general."

It struck her a strange topic for pleasure reading, Jane quirked an eyebrow, "Why?" she asked with an overt tone of skepticism.

"Because you're Catholic," Maura offered, nonchalantly as if the very statement made all the sense in the world.

"What does that have to do with it?" Jane was intrigued.

Maura blushed; she hadn't expected to have to actually explain. She bit down lightly on her lip and took another sip of her martini, "It's helped me to…understand you, I suppose. Mostly when we first met and were becoming friends. You know I've always had difficulty relating to people, so I did research on things that were…I guess you would call them fundamental aspects of your life, things that would naturally orient your world view, impact your belief system."

"But…" Jane swirled her beer around, "I'm a horrible Catholic," she chuckled, "that couldn't have been helpful."

"On the contrary. But, why would you say you're a horrible Catholic?" Maura pulled the second martini-soaked olive from the pick.

"You know, cause I don't like, go to church on Sundays and…stuff," Jane half-shrugged as she said it.

"But you have a lifetime of the Church's principles and philosophy ingrained within you. You don't not believe them just because you don't go to church every Sunday."

Jane nodded, "That's true I suppose."

"Are you familiar with the Coptic Gospels? Principally the Gospel of Thomas?" Maura queried to a definitive "no" headshake from Jane. "Well they're a group of non-canonical Coptic language texts discovered near Nag Hammadi, Egypt in 1945. Many in the Catholic Church have called them heretical. In any event, the Gospel of Thomas often emphasizes religious experience free from third-party intercession, it is written that 'the Kingdom of God is inside you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known…' the writing seems to suggest that faith and spirituality can be found in many places, in everything, not necessarily in a building we know of as a church, 'Split a piece of wood, and I am there. Lift a stone, and you will find me there.' I don't think not going to Church makes you a bad Catholic, Jane, nor does it devalue your spirituality."

* * *

><p>The music settled into a fairly predictable monotony of classic and contemporary remixed pop hits. Most of the patrons seemed unable to resist its trite banality and the dance floor had become quite crowded.<p>

"I want to dance," Maura announced.

Jane's eyes grew wide with the implication, "Uh, ok."

"I can see how that may have been an unclear invitation. Jane, I'm going to dance, would you like to join me?" Maura stood, flashing an expectant smile.

"Oh, no, nooooo," she shook her head in protest, "Haven't had near enough to drink."

Maura shrugged and made her way to the dance floor. Jane watched for a moment and then headed towards the bar. She leaned against it, nursing the last of her current beer, which had grown warm and bitter.

It wasn't long before Jane noticed out of the corner of her eye a particularly rough looking gentleman approaching her. It was only when that person was standing right in front of her that Jane realized it was actually, most likely a woman. A woman with a shaved head, enough tattoos to make a Hell's Angel proud, castoff flannel from the wardrobe of Kurt Cobain with the sleeves cut off, baggy Jeans with chains and combat boots.

She looked Jane over with a hunger and licked her lips, "Did it hurt?"

Jane arched a skeptical eyebrow, "Excuse me?"

"When you fell out of heaven."

Jane snorted into her nearly empty beer.

"Can I buy you another drink," the woman asked.

Jane looked at the bottle, "Uh, no, I think I'm done for the night. But, thanks…" _Oh my God_, she mouthed as the woman walked away.

"Jesus Christ," a voice started from off to Jane's left, "You'd think as women, lesbians would have better pickup lines."

"Was that a woman?" Jane laughed as she turned to find a very pretty blonde standing next to her.

"You really done drinking or was that your butch repellant answer?" the blonde asked.

"Definitely the latter," Jane replied setting her empty bottle down on the bar.

"I'd offer to buy you a drink, but I wouldn't want to get you in trouble with your girlfriend over there," the blonde nodded her head towards Maura who was still on the dance floor.

"Oh, she's not my girlfriend."

"Well in that case," the blonde turned to the bartender and ordered two beers handing Jane one, "I'm Rhiannon."

"I'm Jane. Rhiannon? That's an unusual name." Jane took a swig of her beer.

"Perhaps. Unless your parents were pot smoking hippies who followed Fleetwood Mac all over the country in the 70s," Rhiannon laughed.

From across the club, Maura paused, watching Jane and the blonde woman as they chatted and laughed. The blonde's hand landed lightly on Jane's forearm and her thumb swiped back and forth. Maura started walking towards them but the pair began moving in her direction.

"Hey," Jane said, nearly bumping into Maura, "Maura, this is Rhiannon. Rhiannon, Maura. We're gonna…uh, dance, Maur."

Maura ordered another martini and stood at the bar sipping it, watching Jane and Rhiannon dance. One song, two songs, three songs…eventually she stopped counting, placing her empty glass on the bar. Jane wasn't prone to excessive movement but Maura wondered why she had been so self-conscious to dance; she had a natural rhythm and her body moved effortlessly to the beats. The pair moved closer together, Rhiannon's hands making their way to Jane's hips. Maura arched an eyebrow and looked down at the floor before her eyes were naturally drawn back up. A strange sensation settled in the pit of her stomach, an unsettling flurry. _Envy?_ She pondered. Envy of the woman whose hands were on Jane's hips; who was close enough to feel her breath ghost over her skin like Maura had that night at the Robber when Jane stood behind her to teach her how to play pool. It wasn't just envy. _Jealousy._

Rhiannon's hands wrapped further around Jane's body as she leaned in and whispered in her ear. It occurred to Maura she was fidgeting with the ring on her finger, she shook out her hands and shoved them in the pockets of her jeans as Jane and Rhiannon stepped off the dance floor. Jane handed Rhiannon her cell phone and then slipped it back in her pocket after numbers had been exchanged.

"Ready to head out, Maur?" Jane asked, smiling. She turned to Rhiannon before they left, "I'll give you a call."


	15. Brown Eyes

**CH 15: Brown Eyes**

Jane rolled the phone around in her hand, watched her silhouette reflect in the screen, turned it on, unlocked the screen and then turned it off again. She closed her eyes and the music from the previous night filled her head, the bass drumming in her chest, the feel of Rhiannon's hands warm on her hips. Silky, straight blonde hair that fluttered when she moved her head close and when Jane exhaled. She was the perfect height, not as tall as Jane but not too short; Jane liked being the taller one, liked being able to look down into brown eyes instead of up. Her eyes weren't as dark as Jane's they were caramel almost, inviting, with a darker brown rim around the edge. She was always sucked in by eyes and Rhiannon's were beautiful and accentuated with long thick lashes that begged to be stared at. Freckles. What was it about freckles? Rhiannon had a smattering of them across her chest; Jane thought about running her fingers over them.

She unlocked the phone again and scrolled through her contacts, "Hey, Rhiannon, it's Jane from last night. Yeah, so I was wondering if you'd like to come to that softball game I was telling you about? Maybe you can give our team a few pointers. We could go for some dinner afterwards? Great. See you tomorrow."

"Jesus," Jane muttered as she ran her fingers through Joe Friday's scruffy coat. Her heart was pounding and the hair on her arms was standing up. The little dog looked up and flapped her tail happily against the sofa cushion. "I'm going to stop giving guys such a hard time, this whole asking a chick out thing is nerve racking!"

* * *

><p>Maura carefully slid Chris' shirt up, pausing to watch the redhead's eyes twitch behind closed lids. She ran her finger over the bruising that peeped out from behind the bandage and started to peel the tape back.<p>

The sensation dragged Chris out of a peaceful morning sleep, she opened one eye slowly, "You're doctoring me again."

Maura smiled and waited for some indication of permission to continue. Chris grabbed her shirt and hiked it the rest of the way up so Maura could take the bandage off.

"Hmm," Maura hummed, "Do you always get contact dermatitis from bandage adhesive?"

Chris lifted her head and looked down, "Yeah, it's not that bad. Doesn't really bother me."

"I don't understand why some people find it so difficult to admit when something hurts," Maura pulled Chris' shirt back down, "It looks good, no signs of infection."

She started to get up but Chris reached for her arm and pulled her back down. She swept Maura's hair from her face and let her fingers ghost across her cheek.

"When my brother and I were kids he punched me once in the face. I went to my dad, tears streaming down my face and told him what happened. He asked me why I was crying and why I didn't just punch Cael back?" Chris laughed and wrapped a lock of Maura's hair around her finger. "Then, one time we were riding bikes and Cael intentionally rammed into me and knocked me over. The fall broke my wrist. I stood up and he walked over to me asking me if I was going to cry like a baby. I punched him that time."

"You can still admit it hurts…" Maura whispered as Chris pulled her down and into a kiss. Chris was always the dominant one when they kissed but this time she let her tongue tease Maura's mouth, parting her lips but then pulled it back letting Maura take the lead. Maura bit down on Chris' lip before she pulled away.

"The rash only itches, it doesn't hurt," Chris offered, she noted the look in Maura's eyes, wanted her to be the person it was ok to be in pain around. "The bite hurts…like hell, it burns. The only time it doesn't hurt as bad is when you have your hands on me and then I just think about you and the pain doesn't matter anymore."

Maura smiled and leaned forward, taking Chris' lips again before letting her mouth caress across her porcelain face and kiss her cheek, "A paper or hypoallergenic tape would be far less likely to cause irritation."

Chris laughed, "You just can't help yourself can you?"

* * *

><p>Jane couldn't contain the satisfied smile that crept onto her face as Maura trotted towards her in the dugout. She had on the brand new Boston Homicide Jersey that Jane had gotten her, had paid triple for so that the t-shirt company could get it made in a couple of days' time, and it was perfect. She looked perfect.<p>

"Why are you laughing?" Maura asked with a smile as she approached the team.

"I'm not," Jane leaned in closer to her, out of earshot of the others, "you look good…in the jersey." When Jane pulled back she could see Rhiannon walking towards the field.

"Hey guys, I met the women's softball coach from Boston Prep Friday night, be right back," Jane jogged off.

Frost peered around Korsak to catch a glimpse of the athletic yet curvy blonde, he arched an eyebrow, "Damn, she is…woo, I might have to ask for some batting lessons."

"Women's…softball…coach," Martinez slapped Frost's shoulder, "I don't think she bats for your team, bro."

* * *

><p>It was the top of the fifth and Homicide was down by one run to the Drug Control Unit. Maura anchored one foot on the bag at second and dug the toe of her cleat into the sandy dirt and listened to it grate and crunch under foot. She could hear Jane over all the others when she hit the ball, cheering. She wanted to score, run across home plate, show Jane that she could do it; she could play real sports. Maura couldn't stop her gaze from falling on the dugout where Jane was standing, standing with Rhiannon. They talked back and forth and smiled, sometimes one or the other put their hand on an arm, a shoulder, the small of a back. She redirected herself towards home plate where Martinez was coming up to bat. She dug down deep into the sand with her toe. She wanted Jane to see her score.<p>

Martinez's bat meted out a loud crack as it connected with the ball and Maura took off, one stride, two strides and then she felt her foot hang on something and she was hurtling through the air crashing face first into the gritty dirt. She opened and closed her eyes several times, blinking rapidly. The sand was rough against her teeth and tongue and turned to mud in her saliva. She spat trying to expel it and started to lift herself up.

"Dyke," Detective Wilson from DCU muttered from where he was standing above her.

Maura sat up and only saw the red and black streak that was Jane as she launched herself into Wilson. Maura winced at the dull thud their bodies made when they collided, the second thud when they both hit the ground. She turned her head and could see Jane rearing back to punch him but Frankie had been hot on her heels and grabbed her around the torso yanking her off.

It stung. Maura extricated her leg from underneath herself and lifted up her arm. They were both scraped and the blood seeped out and mingled with traces of sand becoming thick and discolored.

"Hey."

Maura gasped when she finally noticed Jane's hands cupping her cheeks. She stared back into deep brown eyes, flashes of anger melting into concern as Jane's face relaxed.

"What happened?" Maura asked.

Jane's jaw clenched as she looked past Maura to where Wilson was standing with his unit, Homicide in front of them, "That ASSHOLE!" Jane yelled before noticing how Maura flinched, "tripped you."

Rhiannon knelt down next to them with a first aid kit, "Let me take a look, I'm used to patching up the girls after bad slides and falls."

Maura rolled her eyes and started to speak but Jane preempted her, "She's a doctor, actually."

That made her smile, and she let her face relax into Jane's hand that was still cupping her cheek as the other hand started to brush the dirt from her face. "Just rinse it off, I'll be fine."

Jane started to lift her up, "Come on, we'll get you to the dugout."

"No!" Maura protested, "Unless I'm out I want to keep playing."

Jane chuckled, "Ok killer." She reached for the water bottle in Rhiannon's hand and rinsed off the scrapes. Maura hissed but Jane didn't look up, she hated it when people watched her react to pain, she figured she'd spare Maura the same indecency.

Bandages taped firmly in place on her arm and leg Maura started to stand but Jane stopped her. She put her hand under Maura's jaw and lightly encouraged her to lift her chin. For as gruff as she could be day to day it never ceased to amaze Maura the tenderness Jane could display when she wanted to…when she cared about something…someone. She smiled, not taking her eyes from Maura's as she reached a hand out in Rhiannon's direction to receive a band-aid. Only then did she lower her eyes to peel the band-aid off it's backing.

"Ok! Who put Underdog band-aids in the first aid kit?" Jane laughed.

"What?" Korsak called out, "You don't like them."

Jane shook her head as she carefully plastered the band-aid to the small scrape on the underside of Maura's chin, "Ok," she helped Maura stand, "Let's get you home."

"Jane! I said I wanted to play."

"Home Maura!" she pointed towards home plate, "That home, time to score on these bastards."

Maura automatically advanced to third as was agreed between the teams. Frost grabbed his bat and headed to the plate. Her leg burned as she took a slight lead off. She thought about what Chris had said that morning. She couldn't punch Detective Wilson, but she could push the pain away and run down the baseline. Frost got a good piece of the ball sending a line drive between second and third. The first step hurt, a sharp twinge as she propelled herself forward but each step closer to home and it hurt that much less. Jane was yelling, she could hear her, only her. Her foot pounded into the plate, the whooshing whop of the ball into the leather catcher's mitt coming just a couple of seconds after. _Too late. I'm safe._

She turned to flash a victory smile at DCU's catcher and when she spun back around Jane was there, throwing her arms around her and pulling her in close. Jane smelled like dirt and sweat and the faint remnants of anti-bacterial spray from tending to her scrapes and it was the most intoxicating thing Maura had ever breathed. She inhaled, closing her eyes, memorizing the scent.

"I scored," she whispered into Jane's neck.

Jane laughed, "Yeah ya did!"

* * *

><p>"I thought you were playing softball today?" Chris took note of the bandages and the rather humorous cartoon band-aid on Maura's chin as she walked into her apartment.<p>

"We did."

"Is it full contact now?" Chris put her hands on Maura's neck and tilted her head up as she peeled off the band-aid. The chin scrape wasn't bad; Chris leaned in and placed a kiss just above it. "Do I get to play doctor now?"

Maura let herself be pulled into Chris' arms, felt her muscles tense as strong arms flexed and wrapped around her. Chris didn't smell like Jane had. Maura closed her eyes as Chris again lifted her chin and pressed their lips together. It was sweet and comforting. She felt safe in Chris' arms; she felt wanted and most of the time she wanted to give that back to her. Most of the time. _Is it enough?_

* * *

><p>Jane pretended not to notice at first as Rhiannon took one finger and let it graze the side of her hand as they walked. Soon two fingers were fluttering against the side of her hand and Jane let her palm roll over so Rhiannon could take it. Jane could see her apartment building just a block ahead and she wondered why Rhiannon had waited so long to ask for that contact. It was nice, the touch. She looked at the blond next to her and smiled as they walked up the stairs.<p>

"Beer?" Jane asked heading towards the fridge.

"Sure," Rhiannon walked over to the shelves in the living room and began perusing some of the Red Sox and Bruins paraphernalia that Jane had accrued over the years. She lifted a signed baseball and turned it over in her hands reading the signatures.

"My pop gave that to me for Christmas one year," Jane handed her a beer.

Talking about sports dovetailed into Rhiannon talking about coaching the softball team at Boston Prep, which naturally lead to Jane discussing her own work…and the shooting.

"Can I see it?" Rhiannon asked, glancing down at Jane's side.

No one had seen it. No one had really _**seen**_ it since the shooting. Except for doctors…and Maura. Sure, she'd flashed it to the front door cop that day in headquarters, she was sure others had casually seen it during work outs or in the ladies locker room. But, no one close to her had seen it, no one except for Maura. Jane took a big gulp of beer, which hung in her throat like a stone as it seemed to slowly work its way down.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…" Rhiannon back-pedaled.

Jane leaned forward and set her beer on the table and fiddled with the hem of her shirt, "It's just…I guess, no one's seen it in an…intimate setting since, well except for Maura because she you know obsessed over making sure I healed and everything, not intimate like…we were about to…I'm…" _shut up Rizzoli_.

Rhiannon smiled, "It's ok, you don't have to. I…don't laugh, ok. I think scars are kind of sexy."

Jane raised an eyebrow, "Liar."

The blonde laughed into her beer, "No, I'm serious. All good scars come with a story. Something about that…it's very alluring. I know that sounds weird."

"Do you have any?" Jane's eyes traveled over Rhiannon's body, she'd worn pants both times they'd met and tank tops so if she had any they weren't on her arms.

"Two good ones," Rhiannon reached down and began to remove her shoe, "I grew up on a farm in Pennsylvania; I was helping my dad with the cows one day. I was on my pony and a juvenile bull calf charged us. My pony reared and fell, landed on my leg, broke my ankle." She turned her right ankle towards Jane and flashed the prominent scar.

"Ouch," Jane crinkled her nose, "That is a nice one. The second?"

Rhiannon's face sobered as she turned her back to Jane, "I had a softball scholarship to Maryland," she looked over her shoulder as she spoke. "Junior year I started dating Samantha Kemp on the team. God, I was in love with her. Senior year was going great we had both been scouted by the National team and then one night we were heading back to campus from dinner and a drunk driver ran a light and t-boned us."

Jane gasped a little as Rhiannon lifted her shirt to reveal the scar that ran up the length of her spine.

"Samantha didn't make it. I broke my back. My senior year of softball was shot, I didn't make the National team, but I was lucky. I lived and my spinal cord, by some miracle, wasn't damaged, rehab sucked but I don't have many lasting problems from it."

Jane reached out and ran her hand down Rhiannon's back. The blonde let her shirt fall and turned. Jane looked down to where her hand had taken up a sympathetic hold over her own scar and lifted her top.

Rhiannon reached out and put her hand over the scar, her thumb running lightly back and forth across it; she felt Jane tense under the touch, "It's ok."

Jane couldn't remember when the feel of Rhiannon on her skin became more than just a hand on her side but soon it was another hand in her hair and lips on her lips. Soft lips that felt like silk and tasted warm and were tinged with a hint of lemon courtesy of Sam Adams Summer Ale. Her tongue teased playfully in Jane's mouth and soon Jane felt herself being pushed back to lie on the sofa, and she let it happen. Rhiannon settled into her side, those plush lips and tongue dipping down to her neck to suck and nip at the sensitive skin there. Jane couldn't stifle the moan as she ran her hands under Rhiannon's shirt and curled her fingers into the soft skin of her back.

"Can I take your shirt off?" Rhiannon whispered into her ear. Jane nodded lifting her arms, closing her eyes as she felt the fabric disappear, opened her eyes to see Rhiannon shedding her shirt as well. Their lips were crashing back together and Jane could feel Rhiannon's hand sliding up her body towards her breast.

Her body jerked, "I've never done this…" Jane blurted out, breaking the kiss. Her body felt hot, embarrassment creeping up her chest and neck, "…with a woman. It's new." She swallowed. _Fuck._

Rhiannon brushed some of Jane's hair out of her face and looked her in the eyes with a clear sincerity, "It's ok. I don't have sex with women after one date. And I won't touch you anywhere you're not comfortable with. I can give you your shirt back if you'd…"

Jane shook her head no. Rhiannon leaned down with renewed tenderness and placed a light kiss on Jane's lips, "I won't touch you there if you're not ready, but, you can touch me…if you'd like."

Jane glanced down where she could see Rhiannon's ample cleavage. _Oh, I'd like_. She reached a finger out and ran it down Rhiannon's bra strap and over the swell of the top of her breasts. Rhiannon smiled and reached around, unclasping her bra and letting it fall to the floor.

"Yeah…" Jane couldn't help but lick her lips; her mouth felt suddenly parched, "those are…nice."

Rhiannon laughed as she leaned down and claimed Jane's lips again, humming as Jane's hands, tentatively at first but quickly gaining confidence cupped and stroked her breasts.

"You can take mine off," Jane whispered.

"Sure?" Rhiannon's hand was stroking along her collarbone. Jane nodded.


	16. Steel

**Notes:** Thanks for all the reviews, things have been crazy at work the past couple of weeks so I've been bad not only about updating but responding to reviews as well. Thank you all for continuing to follow along!

**CH 16: Steel**

She caught herself whistling. Of all things. She tried to explain it away: it was a beautiful morning, the sun was out but the heat was breaking, there hadn't been any major traffic on the way into work, the coffee was fresh when she arrived at the café. Those were all good reasons to whistle, right? Right? None of that had anything to do with it. Jane had gone on a date the previous night with a beautiful woman and they had made out topless on her sofa. And she liked it. For the first time in a long time she had kissed someone and not counted the seconds until she could find some way to break it off, pull away, some excuse to cut the night short. Kissing a woman felt right, the softness of her lips the way her tongue moved, the feel of Rhiannon's hair falling around her face and neck, the touch of skin to skin, the feel of her breasts as she cupped them. Jane blushed in the elevator as she thought about it.

"I hear that was some softball game," Chris stated as Jane walked into the bullpen. She dunked her tea bag in her cup one last time for good measure and then tossed it in the trash.

Jane shook her head as she looked at the not-coffee beverage. One stereotype Jane always took to heart was that cops drank coffee, how one could survive without it was still a mystery to her. But then, much about Chris was a conundrum. "Yeah…Maura ok this morning? I haven't been down to the morgue yet."

"She's fine, a little scraped up but it's not too bad. Wilson's a jackass chauvinist, always has been. He tried some dirty shit in league basketball last year…"

Jane arched an eyebrow, "Yeah? What'd you do?"

"Grabbed him by the stones when the ref wasn't looking and told him if he pulled one more dirty hit on me I'd have his nuts on a platter to feed to my dogs at the end of the day," Chris laughed as she recalled the story.

"Now I would have paid to see that," Jane chuckled.

"Well, with junk as small as his no wonder he has trouble with the ladies," Chris winked.

* * *

><p>"You sure got a bounce in your step this morning," Frost eyed his partner as they approached the crime scene.<p>

Jane just smiled.

"She's hot," Frost contemplated saying more but he figured it was time, time for Jane to say it if she was ready. He knew; he was pretty sure everyone had an idea. The way Jane looked at Maura. He just couldn't figure out with all of Jane's confidence in everything else she did why she'd never made a move. It made him question if perhaps he'd gotten it all wrong on Jane's end. But he'd seen the way she acted when Chris was in the picture and then Rhiannon had come to the softball game.

A slight smile crept onto her face but Jane didn't look at him, "Yeah, she is."

"You know, if she has any hot…straight friends, you could hook your partner up…" he laughed and Jane joined in.

They pulled up to the scene but Jane didn't get out of the car, "Have you always known?"

"I wouldn't say always…it's just…" Frost paused, it felt like tricky territory.

"Lay it on me, man."

"I guess I thought you and the Doc…were, or would…it just seemed like the two of you were, I don't know, are…really into each other?" Frost winced; he didn't know if he'd stepped over the line. Perhaps getting into conversations about your work partner's love triangle wasn't the best idea.

Jane sighed, "Yeah, well I fucked that up with my bullshit confusion and indecision…"

They walked towards the scene and a cool breeze blew in off the harbor, Frost took a deep breath, "You gotta be real with your life Jane. Don't assume it's too late to fix what you think you fucked up."

Jane snorted, "Thank you, Dr. Phil."

Maura was kneeling next to the body of a young man; a gust off the water whipped her hair into a flurry of silken honey brown locks depositing the brunt of the tresses directly in her face. She started to reach to brush them out of the way but paused, looking at her latex clad hands which had just been touching the corpse in front of her.

"You really should put your hair up…_**before**_…you get to the crime scene," Jane chuckled from behind her as she pulled the pony tail holder out of her own hair and held it between her teeth as she gathered Maura's hair and pulled it back, tying it up for her.

Frost watched the scene with amusement; it was tough being right so often.

* * *

><p>"How was your date? After the game." Maura asked as she began her exam of the body in the morgue. She didn't look up as she removed the man's shirt and positioned the x-ray over his chest.<p>

"Good. We had a really nice time." _Why do I feel guilty saying that?_ Jane waited for some kind of reaction.

Maura finally looked up, "That's great, Jane." It wasn't that the tone or look on her face was disingenuous, Jane couldn't quite put her finger on it, but Maura seemed almost…_Sad_.

She reached out and turned Maura's chin up to look at the scrape, "Does it hurt?"

Maura looked away towards the x-ray screen, "No, not too much." She pointed towards the screen, "X-ray shows fluid in the lungs indicative of drowning. I'll confirm with the full autopsy."

"Jane…" Maura called out as the detective began to stride towards the doors. Jane stopped and turned. "Would you and Rhiannon perhaps like to come over for dinner sometime this week?"

_Not really_. Jane forced a smile, "Sure, that would be…I'm sure that would be fun."

* * *

><p>Cavanaugh walked up behind Jane as she sat at her desk, his arms were crossed and his salty demeanor displaced the air around her. She liked the Lt. actually, he was coarse and no nonsense, he never failed to call her on her bullshit. She could appreciate that. He might be tough but he was fair even if a bit of a codger at times.<p>

"Lt…?" Jane mumbled as she continued to work her way through some files.

He stepped to the side of her desk, forcing her to look up at him, "I understand there was an altercation at the softball game yesterday."

_Sigh._ "Detective Wilson tripped Maura on purpose. I knocked him on his ass but Frankie pulled me off before I had a chance to deck him," Jane set her pen down and looked Cavanaugh square in the eye.

"Wilson showed up to his unit this morning with a black eye and busted lip. I got a call from his C.O. about it. Wilson won't say anything about what happened, but apparently everyone knows what went down at the game. So…you got anything you want to tell me?" He waited, steely blue eyes boring into her, his gaze was stern, almost cold; it gave nothing away.

Jane held up her hands and turned her knuckles out towards him, "Not that the bastard didn't deserve it, but I had nothing to do with whatever happened to that ass. You can take my word on that Lt."

Cavanaugh grunted and walked over to Chris' desk. She had been watching out of the corner of her eye and as he approached she held up her own, clean-knuckled hands. "And if I were to ask Dr. Isles about your whereabouts from the game until this morning?"

"Sounds like a mighty personal question, Lt," Chris smirked, she looked up at him, "but you'd find that yes, I was in her company from directly after the game until we arrived at work this morning."

Cavanaugh nodded, though his face was laden with skepticism as he made his way back to his office.

Jane looked around to make sure no one was in earshot, "So…"

"Sooo." Chris' voice hung on the word.

Jane walked over and sat on the edge of her desk, "Pure coincidence?"

Chris leaned back in her chair and looked at Jane, "This is a good unit. Frost, Korsak, Cavanaugh, they'd all have your back, cause you guys are close…"

"Yeah, yeah I know they would."

"That's how me and my guys over in K-9 and SWAT are. And if there was something…something that I couldn't physically do myself, they'd have my back. I think you know what I mean."

Jane smiled and nodded as she stood, "Yeah, yeah I know what you mean."

* * *

><p>Metal. It was cool to her touch as she swiped a finger across the table. Sterile to look at, monotonous grey tones filled the morgue from the instruments to the slabs to the doors which locked in coolness and preserved the bodies. There was in a way a certain beauty, a certain aesthetic to steel. Maura looked at her distorted reflection in the table she had just sanitized, the way the overhead lights cast white patterns on the grey, which melted into black shadows.<p>

"Looks clean to me," Jane's voice brought her back to the present.

Maura looked up, "I guess my mind wandered. I have your report." She handed the file to Jane.

"So, drowning, but not accidental?" Jane scanned the file.

"There is no evidence of head trauma nor any bruising on the neck, which indicates the victim was not submerged after being knocked or choked unconscious. Likewise there is no evidence of struggle in terms of any abrasions to the victim's hands or upper body. However, there are ligature marks around the ankles," Maura stepped up closer to Jane's side and peered down at the report pointing to her note about the marks.

"The victim could have been bound by the ankles and weighted then? Tossed in the harbor? But, the body was found separate of any such weight, so what happened to it?" Jane glanced at Maura, inhaled the scent of her perfume that was slowly filling the space around them, the heat from her body that made Jane's skin tingle.

"It could have come undone or possibly even been removed post-mortem and the body left to drift."

"Ok," Jane turned "Shit, having harbor patrol look for some sort of weight device would be like looking for a needle in a haystack…" she paused and watched as Maura became preoccupied with itching around the bandage on her arm.

Jane reached for her hand, pulling the bandage down with no protest from her friend. "Itches?" Maura nodded. Jane had her thumb pressed into Maura's palm and her fingers wrapped around the rest of Maura's hand. Instinctively her thumb made a slight circular massaging motion and Maura's fingers relaxed, closing around her. Jane eyed the scrape and lightly scratched around it. "Itching is the worst, like a big constant annoyance," she laughed and looked up to catch Maura's eye. The sadness from earlier seemed to have faded and she smiled back.

Maura blushed and gently pulled her arm away, pressing the bandage back into place, "Thank you. It doesn't itch as badly anymore."

There it was again. That nagging feeling that never faded. Jane looked at the cool steel scalpel on the instrument table. If she could cut it out she thought she might. The longing. Always wanting to touch her. Day by day things were clearer and day by day the desire was worse. To add insult to injury she liked Chris. She hated seeing Chris with Maura, but she liked Chris. And now there was Rhiannon. But her skin still ached for Maura, drew her towards the other woman like a magnet to metal. She'd tried to fight it, wanted to understand it. The weeks of avoiding the little touches they had always shared only made her want them more.

"Hey Maur, there's…something I want to give you. Do you think you could come by my apartment tonight?" Jane grabbed the autopsy report and slowly walked backwards towards the doors waiting for a reply.

Maura smiled, "Of course, Jane. Around seven perhaps?" Jane nodded and was gone.

* * *

><p><em>Don't laugh<em>. She tried. She tried really hard but the laugh came barreling out anyway.

"Don't even," Jane pointed at her as she stepped back to allow Maura to enter her apartment.

Maura turned and laughed again as Jane wheeled around and put her hand on her hip. She looked down at herself and then back at Maura. Her lips pursed as she tried to fight it as well but Maura's giggle was too much and soon they were both having a hearty laugh at her appearance.

"What on earth have you been doing?" Maura asked as she surveyed the kitchen chaos.

"I figured, men are impressed by women who can cook so women must also be impressed by women who can cook. I thought I'd do a practice run on some of Ma's signature dishes and that…I could help you cook when we have our double date dinner or whatever it is this week. I had a little accident with the sauce."

Maura grinned and wet a dishtowel, "Jane, _**little**_ accident?" Maura walked up to her and reached the towel towards her face, "You…missed some sauce," she explained as she wiped it away and then began to clean the carnage from stove and counter. "This looks worse than one of my tables after an autopsy."

Jane dipped a spoon into what little sauce remained in the pot and held it out to Maura's mouth, "We can't all be Julia Fucking Child. I tripped over Joe, the handle was sticking out and…well, it's pretty obvious from my shirt, the floor and the counter what happened."

Maura let Jane guide the spoon into her mouth, "Mmm, well it tastes delicious."

The kitchen cleaned, Maura slipped back to Jane's room and returned with a clean t-shirt, "Strip."

"Excuse me?" Jane's face paled with shock.

"I hope that's not one of your favorite shirts, if you would have washed it immediately it probably could have been salvaged. You might as well just throw it away. Here." She handed Jane the clean shirt and turned away as the soiled garment was discarded and the clean one donned.

Maura rooted around for her phone in her purse, "Yes, I need a large pepperoni pizza for delivery."

Jane looked over her shoulder and smiled as she continued to put away the remnants of her failed attempt at vegetable lasagna.

* * *

><p>Maura took another sip of wine and reached over to steal a pepperoni off the slice of pizza in Jane's hand.<p>

Jane glared at her jokingly, "You're lucky you're my best friend." She started to take a bite but paused, glancing out of the corner of her eye at Maura who was staring at her with amusement. She plucked the remaining pepperoni from the slice and set them on Maura's plate.

The slice consumed, Jane leaned back with a groan as she folded her hands across her stomach, "Yum."

Downing the last of her third glass of wine Maura set the glass aside and swung her legs up to drape them across Jane's lap, "The wine was very good."

Jane let her head loll to the side to look at Maura, "Yeah? I went to that new wine shop…the one you mentioned. They, uh, helped me pick out some new kinds to try." Jane let her hands slowly travel from her stomach to Maura's feet where her fingers caressed over the soft skin for a moment. "So, yeah I have something for you." She jumped out from under Maura's legs and streaked back to the bedroom.

Maura was sitting cross-legged on the sofa when Jane returned carrying a silver gift bag tied with a blue bow, "What's this for?" Maura inquired as she took the present.

"You'll see," Jane smiled.

Maura rustled through tissue paper and pulled out a softball, she rolled it around in her hands instantly recognizing the signatures from everyone on the Homicide softball team. She ran her finger over Jane's name and message. _Way to go slugger. Proud of you. Jane._

"It's the game ball, from Sunday."

Maura nodded, tears welling up in her eyes.

Jane scooted closer, "Ok, no crying on the ball, the signatures will run." Maura giggled and returned to the bag, its weight indicated far more than just a ball was inside.

Jane bit down on her lower lip as Maura pulled out the glove. It wasn't new; in fact it was quite old. The once tan leather was now dark brown with black smudges though it had clearly been impeccably oiled and cared for over the years. Maura dug her fingers into it; it was supple and pliable from long history of use. _How many victories had landed in this glove_, she thought.

"Put it on," Jane urged.

Maura slid her hand in; it fit perfectly.

"Pop and my coaches never knew what to do with a leftie. So they made me throw right-handed for a long time. That was the first adult glove Pop bought me. I had big hands as a kid," Jane laughed, "I played with that for years until I finally convinced them to let me throw with my dominant hand. But, it was my first glove, so I held on to it."

"You should keep this," Maura tried to push the glove into Jane's hands but she wouldn't take it.

"No, I want you to have it."

Tears began to streak down Maura's face. "Hey, why are you crying?" Jane reached out and wiped at the salty moisture, smiling as she watched how Maura clutched the glove to her chest.

"This may be one of the nicest gifts anyone's ever given me," Maura smiled as Jane's hands settled on her arms and rubbed lightly up and down. "And maybe I've had a little too much wine."

"Lush," Jane ribbed. "You wanna spend the night here? If you think you've had too much to drink."

Maura nodded, "Yeah, maybe I should."


	17. Black Night

**Notes: **This chapter contains mature content, be advised.

**CH 17: Black Night**

Jane took a deep breath and despite her state of half-sleep something delightfully aromatic tickled her nose as she inhaled. She hummed and her head nodded up and down until something actually was tickling her nose. Her face twitched and her desire for sleep was fighting the disturbance but the itch was growing increasingly unbearable. She opened her eyes.

_Oh, fuck._ Jane froze. Her face was practically buried in Maura's neck, resting, no, nestled in the pillowy down of Maura's hair. Her arm was draped across Maura's midsection. _Think Rizzoli…move…slowly. Roll your ass over and she'll never know._

The alarm on Maura's side of the bed started bleating loudly. _Fuck!_

Maura awakened with a somewhat startled gasp. She hated Jane's alarm, had asked her to consider something less likely to wake the dead or induce cardiac arrhythmia in the living. Not just for the times she spent the night but she thought it was a contributing factor to Jane's predilection for early morning crankiness. Jane didn't have time to extricate herself from the position she'd taken up as Maura's personal throw blanket before Maura noticed the intimate placement of their bodies.

"Sorry," Jane mumbled as she sat up, "I guess I rolled over on you in my sleep."

The alarm continued to bay at an ever increasing volume and Maura threw her hand up over her eyes, "Please turn that off."

Jane chuckled to herself, "Headache?"

Maura smiled, "Not really, but you know how I feel about your alarm; it's quite jarring."

Jane leaned over Maura's body, straining to reach the alarm as she fumbled to deactivate it. With her lack of early morning coordination she also managed to knock her cell phone to the floor between the bed and nightstand. Now her torso was flush across Maura's as she reached for the phone and she stiffened when she felt Maura's hand come to rest on her back.

"Don't fall," Maura giggled.

Jane grabbed the phone, depositing it on the table as she awkwardly struggled to raise herself back on to the bed. She felt Maura's breath ghost across her ear and neck as she began to roll off of her and with no conscious thought to her next move she pressed her lips to Maura's.

It was sharp, the feeling that shot through her body as Maura clutched her chest and wrenched herself from under Jane and out of the bed.

_Goddammit_. Jane rolled onto her back and threw her arm over her face; she watched out of the corner of her eye as Maura gathered up her clothes from the previous day.

Finally, she stopped; her back to Jane as she stood at the door with her hand on the knob. She turned. "You can't just do that." Her voice was pained, yet stern

Jane sat up but planted her face firmly in her palms.

"You can't just do that," Maura repeated. "You can't just withdraw from me for weeks while you figure out who you are and what you want and leave me to get involved with someone else. To get invested with this other wonderful person. And then kiss me. You can't do that."

Jane kept her face buried in her hands until the soft padding of Maura's feet had carried her all the way to the front door and through it. The sound of it closing reached into her chest and squeezed a furious pain that radiated throughout her body. _It hurts._ Jane grabbed at her chest and rocked back and forth. _Why does it hurt so bad?_

* * *

><p>"Ok," Frost stared at the board, "we've got interviews scheduled with Robinson's associates from the steel works, his boss is in interview one right now. But, I don't get how he has ligature marks on his ankles and no signs of struggle anywhere else?"<p>

Jane stuck the tip of her thumb in her mouth and bit down, shaking her head.

"What if," Chris walked over to the board, hand on her hip the other scratching her head, "what if Clark Robinson was incapacitated with some kind of inhalant sedative? He'd pass out with no struggle, could be weighted and dropped in the harbor. We're still waiting on tox?"

"Yeah." Jane sighed and looked walked towards the board, "And let's say that makes sense, probably whatever was used wouldn't show up on tox anyway and remnants that might have been left on the skin would probably have washed away once the body was submerged."

"So, after we interview the boss we'll head to the steel works, talk to the other workers and start piecing together Robinson's last 24 hours," Chris looked at Korsak who nodded his approval.

Jane walked towards the door, "You guys take the interview, I'll go check on the tox, if the basic panel is clean maybe there are some other tests that might hit on something."

* * *

><p>Jane leaned against the wall outside of the morgue. <em>Fucked it up real good now<em>. She shook out her hands trying to wring out the dull ache to no avail so she tried massaging them.

"Do your hands hurt?" Maura asked as she stepped off the elevator.

Jane jumped, she hadn't actually looked in the morgue to see if Maura was even there, "Uh, yeah, a little."

"I have an office you know, you could have waited for me in there," Maura gave a small smile as she said it.

"I hadn't actually…gone in yet."

They headed into Maura's office and she paused just inside the door and looked from her desk to the sofa. She opted for the sofa and took a seat waiting for Jane to join her. Jane shifted from foot to foot, the corner of her shirt was hanging out and her hair looked as if she'd barely taken a brush to it that morning. On a good day the lanky and rugged detective couldn't help but exhibit an air of wildness, on a bad day she could appear down right feral in appearance and attitude. Maura found it endlessly intriguing if not at times captivating.

"I'm sorry," Jane finally blurted out as she sat on the sofa. "You were right, kissing you this morning…it was unfair. But I wasn't even thinking Maura," Jane turned to look at her best friend, the best friend that constantly haunted her thoughts, "I wasn't thinking about you and Chris or what our relationship has been or hasn't been since the two of you started dating. I just…wanted to kiss you so I did."

"Jane…" Maura's voice was soft, "did you kiss Rhiannon?" Jane nodded. "The last time we talked you were trying to figure out if you were really even attracted to women, and I understand…I understand your need to understand yourself. Did you like it? When you kissed her."

Jane took a deep breath and nodded again, her voice was unusually raspy as she started to speak, "Yeah, yeah I liked it. It felt right to kiss her, not like all these men I've dated where I just wanted to get it over with."

Maura twisted the ring on her finger, "Did you want to kiss me this morning to see if you liked it as much as you did when you were with Rhiannon?"

Silence. Jane stared down at the floor between her feet, "I…I…" she stammered. What had seemed clear seemed suddenly murky, competing emotions washed through her like runoff after a storm and muddied the waters. She just wanted it to make sense, but she had nothing to draw from, no past experience. One of the few things she was sure of was her past with men had been a series of charades, her relationships a dance, a complete put on, all expressed emotions affectations for the benefit of them and not for herself. And now, now she wanted to know what it was like to be in a relationship where she could give love honestly and receive it in turn. _What does that feel like? How do I know?_

"Jane," Maura reached out to place a hand on Jane's arm, "if you can't answer that, then it's not the right time, we're not in that place."

"If I could answer that," Jane placed her hand over Maura's, "If I could, then where would we be?"

Maura shook her head, "I don't know."

_I don't know_. It rang through Jane's ears, it stung but it was honest. _How could she know?_ Jane smiled and laughed under her breath at her own vulnerability. "Are you mad at me?" she asked, genuine fear peppering her voice.

"Never," Maura answered emphatically as she pulled Jane into a hug, she let her fingers twine through unruly black locks, "Never" she whispered again.

* * *

><p>"I wish you would have let me buy the ingredients for the lasagna," Maura lamented as Jane hauled the box of accoutrements into her house.<p>

"Least I could do, especially since you're willing to risk a kitchen fiasco like the other night."

Maura smirked, "Well there's nothing for you to trip over here so I'm sure we'll be fine and if we have any questions Angela's right over in the guest house and I'm sure…"

"Oh no no no," Jane turned around a look of abject horror on her face, "bar the door, turn off the lights, Ma is not horning in on dinner…especially since…"

Maura's eyebrows quirked up in sudden realization, "You haven't told her yet."

Jane shook her head, "I'm going to. And I don't think she'll care, I just need to…you know, psych myself up for it."

Cooking proceeded without incident and the hour of prep time seemed to fly by as the doorbell rang. Chris and Rhiannon had arrived virtually at the same time and entered the house chatting casually with one another.

Rhiannon smiled and took a moment to inhale the delectable odors that permeated the air before she approached Jane, "You didn't tell me you could cook," she said with a quirk of her eyebrow as she reached up to place a quick kiss on Jane's lip.

"I can't really," Jane laughed as she tentatively wrapped her arms around Rhiannon, trying painfully not to look at Maura, both to avoid seeing Maura's reaction to her and Rhiannon's affection and to spare herself the vision of Chris' arms wrapped around Maura.

* * *

><p>Good food, good wine and by the end of the meal Jane and Maura had both somewhat relaxed, each content in their minds that any anticipated awkwardness had been kept to a minimum. Chris helped Maura clear the dishes to the kitchen while Jane and Rhiannon moved to the sofa in the living room. Chris brought the last of the dishes as Maura began rinsing them to load the dishwasher.<p>

"Hey," Chris put her hands on Maura's hips and leaned in to kiss her exposed neck, "everything was delicious. I'm not sure what I did to deserve you being my girlfriend but I'm damn grateful for it."

Maura smiled and looked over her shoulder in order to capture Chris' lips in a comfort-seeking kiss. They pulled apart slowly and Maura hummed a sigh of relief as she let her forehead rest against Chris' cheek.

"Now," Chris continued, "Are you going to tell me why you've been acting a little strange all evening?"

Maura tensed for a moment and turned to face her girlfriend, fingers trailing abstract patterns along the silky fabric of Chris' top. She looked up into knowing blue eyes. "Can we talk about it later?" Maura glanced towards the sofa where Rhiannon was running a hand through Jane's hair.

Chris could feel her heart rate accelerating from anxiety and genuine fear. _She's going to break up with me._ "Be honest with me. As long as you want to be with me, I'll take on anyone in order to be with you. I won't back down and I won't roll over. But, if you don't want me…"

Maura's lips parted in surprise at the intense emotion in Chris' voice as it cracked trying to expel the words.

"…if you don't want me, you need to tell me because I'm not going to destroy myself in a fight that can't be won."

"The other morning, after I spent the night at Jane's, she kissed me." The words fell out. Omission had seemed like the best course of action at first but Chris was too perceptive. She was the only person besides Jane that Maura could think of that had ever been able to bore so far into her head. But she was pulling away, gently pushing Maura's hands from her shirt, trying to turn and leave.

"No…" Maura croaked, louder than she had intended causing Jane and Rhiannon to both turn and look towards the kitchen. Her fingers were coiled around Chris' wrist and she pulled her with surprising force and desperation back towards her. "You don't understand." She led Chris to the side door and out into the garden.

"Please help me understand," Chris deadpanned, "why I shouldn't leave when you've just told me you kissed a woman you've already admitted you're attracted to."

"Because I didn't kiss her," Maura said with conviction, "she kissed me before I knew what was happening, and I pushed her away. I pushed her away."

Chris looked up at the sky, the black expanse filling her sight. She felt like she was standing under a spotlight as the warm orange circle cast by the outdoor lamp created a stage-like atmosphere. "So…" Chris looked down into hazel eyes that reflected the soft glow of artificial illumination.

"No one's ever said they would fight for me before," Maura sniffled.

Chris stroked a flushed cheek and lifted Maura's chin, "Then no one's ever loved you like you deserve to be loved." She leaned forward into a searing kiss, her tongue dipping confidently into Maura's mouth as she held her tightly flush against her body. Maura moaned and her whole body felt like it had been set on fire as Chris bit down on her lip.

"Oh!" Jane's surprised voice cut through the darkness.

Maura tried to pull away but Chris held her tightly and drew out the kiss for a few more passionate seconds. The message was clear, the territoriality evident. _Mine._

"Sorry," Jane offered as they finally separated to see her and Rhiannon standing in the doorway, "it's just…uh, getting a little late so we thought we'd head out."

* * *

><p>Chris shut Rhiannon's car door for her and gave a wave as she backed out of Maura's drive and then walked over to Jane's car as her colleague said her good nights to her best friend. Jane looked from Chris to Maura and back; the air was palpable.<p>

_She knows_. "Well," Jane tried to muster a smile, "I'll see you guys at work in the morning."

Chris grabbed the top of the car door before Jane could pull it closed and leaned forward, "Yes, you will. Have a good night, Jane." She shut the door for Jane and took Maura by the hand leading her back inside the house.

* * *

><p>Rhiannon was sitting on the front stoop of Jane's building when the detective pulled up only a few minutes after she had arrived. The blonde stood and squeaked with surprise at Jane's surprising strength as a heated embrace lifted her off her feet and deposited her against the door as her lips fiercely assaulted Rhiannon's.<p>

"Mmmm," Rhiannon purred tilting her head back as Jane trailed down to her neck and nipped at her aroused skin, "Are you sure you're the same woman I was kissing the other night?"

Jane let Rhiannon drop to her feet, "I'm a fast learner," she smiled.

"And here I thought I was just a good teacher."

* * *

><p>Jane licked her lips and took in the perfect and pale expanse of flesh sitting in her lap. Her fingers started at Rhiannon's collarbone, tracing the bony ridge down and over the swell of breasts and rolling around rosy nipples. She smiled at the little hitch in Rhiannon's breath every time she manipulated her nipples; it sent a little shock of excitement through Jane's core. She was definitely a breast woman. Her hands continued mapping the flesh of a toned abdomen before running over hips and around behind to tease the sensitive skin at the base of Rhiannon's spine. Jane let her fingers run along the band of the sexiest pair of black lace panties she thought she'd ever seen before sliding inside, each hand cupping one side of the firm round of Rhiannon's ass. She leaned forward and explored those perfect breasts with her lips and tongue. Encouraged by the sounds rumbling up from Rhiannon's chest Jane let her own satisfied moans grow louder, intensifying with the burning between her legs.<p>

Rhiannon pulled back, giggling at the wet pop of her nipple as Jane released it. She pushed tan and trembling legs apart and settled on the floor between them. "God, you look amazing," Rhiannon whispered, palming one of Jane's small but filling breasts as she consumed the other, nipping playfully at the hardened bud, smiling satisfactorily as the tan body jerked but then arched further into her ministrations.

"Lay back," Rhiannon looked up into smoldering brown eyes. It was a command, but not overpowering. It was one of the things she never liked about sex with men, the unyielding domination so many operated under in the bedroom. It didn't feel like such stark domination with Rhiannon. Jane liked being in control, but she knew she wasn't ready to be in this situation. She complied, letting her back settle gingerly down to the bed, lifting her hips accommodatingly as Rhiannon slowly pulled her underwear off.

"How long has it been since someone made you come?" The blonde's voice was noticeably lower, and rolled like silk along her inner thigh.

Jane swallowed hard, trying to still the excitement, "A…long time," she managed.

Men rarely went down on her; it was too submissive. They liked to be in control, especially when it came to sex with a female cop. That seemed to really trigger their bravado. The few that had attempted to pleasure her that way were practically incompetent; they never made her come without some creative fantasies on her part, if she came at all and didn't just summon a theatrical impersonation of an orgasm.

"Jesus," Jane moaned. Rhiannon's tongue tasted a hot trail up the inside of one thigh and then the other. And then…Jane gasped, her eyes opening wide; back arching off the bed. Rhiannon's mouth was on her, where she wanted it, where she needed it. Her tongue was stroking expertly through her arousal flooded folds, teasing her entrance, circling it before plunging in and curling, withdrawing and then repeating the motion, over and over. Her hips strained to move with the same rhythm but Rhiannon held her down.

"Fuck," it was a throaty gasp as Jane clawed at the covers, wadding them up in handfuls. Rhiannon's tongue moved to her clit, rolling around it and then flicking it repeatedly before she sucked the little bundle of nerves between her lips. Jane's legs jerked as her heels dug into Rhiannon's back. "Yes…that," Jane groaned. "There."

Rhiannon sucked, slowly at first, prolonging Jane's pleasurable agony, but the brunette's breathing quickened and her body writhed as she neared release. She slipped two fingers inside pumping them in and out, curling when the reached the deepest point and dragging them down before plunging in again. She sucked faster, letting her teeth graze the sensitive jewel until Jane moaned her name as she climaxed with full body spasms.

The blonde stalked up Jane's body but shrieked with delighted surprise as Jane rose and flipped her, pressing their lips together. "My turn," she growled.


	18. Yellow Belly

**Notes:** Sorry for the long delay in updating, my Evolution story is running into its last chapter and then after that mid-season finale I just had to rewrite the ending. You can find it in the M section under the title Make You Watch. In any event, here's the next CH of Jealousy, we just keep on trucking along…sort of. Thanks for all the comments and for continuing to indulge me on the ride, however frustrating it may be for the time being.

**CH 18: Yellow-belly**

A plethora of thoughts mulled around in Jane's mind as she made her way to the gym at headquarters. Rhiannon was good in bed, excellent even, there was no denying that. She hadn't needed anything other than being there in the moment with her, a far cry from what it took to get her through that night with Brad and where he mind wandered all the times she'd touched herself since. Waking up that morning in the barely there light of the breaking dawn with the sheets loosely draped across her midsection and the chill staved off by the nude form nestled into her side wasn't half bad either. It felt good. It all felt good. The sex, the being wanted, the comfort of a body to wake up next to. She liked Rhiannon. _Liked._ And that was the problem. It felt good, but Jane couldn't get over the little nagging voice in the back of her mind. At times it felt great, pleasure always does in that moment when the mind gives over to it: companionship, desire and being desired and the physical release. But, it didn't feel right.

Lucky Number 7. Jane popped the locker door and smiled when it revealed itself to be empty. You couldn't claim gym lockers like dressing room lockers, but she was a creature of habit and maybe rolled with a little bit of superstition. Days when she could throw her gear into locker number 7 always engendered a good workout. Maura would say it was irrational. She would say that every locker was structurally and functionally the same, no one maroon aluminum receptacle in possession of any unique power positive or negative, no chi, no voo doo, no black magic, no luck. Moreover she would probably launch into an involved exposition on the origin of numerology, no doubt recounting the various cultural idiosyncracies that lead to say the number 9 being valued in China for its historical association with the Emperor and the number 7 in the Christian west for its ubiquity in the Bible. _And on the seventh day, blah blah blah…_

_What the?_ Jane paused and quirked an eyebrow, laughing to herself. _How did I know that? Maura._

She shut the locker door and the still and calculating presence that she should have picked up on was now evident. Standing a couple of lockers down and leaning against the wall of metal was Chris. The redhead was dressed for working out but clearly had just arrived as well. She bridged the few feet between them and Jane stiffened in response.

"You gonna punch me?" Jane deadpanned. In her mind she harkened back to her first meeting with Chris, the right jab she never saw coming and the burn of knuckles connecting powerfully with her face. There was a part of her that told her this time, it would almost be warranted.

"No," Chris crossed her arms, "If I was going to punch you I would have done it last night…in the heat of the moment."

Jane swallowed, "Uh, thanks. Cause…the last time hurt like a son of a bitch." She tried a smile and a little laugh. _Diffuse the situation with humor._ She looked back into Chris' eyes…no such luck. Maybe locker number 7's mojo had finally run out.

"What's the deal Rizzoli?"

"I kissed her." _Shit._ It felt different to say it, like somehow now in that very moment she realized that she had kissed Maura. Not that she didn't realize before that she had; not that she and Maura hadn't talked about it. Saying it out loud to Chris drew out an entirely different feeling because in saying it to Chris she was saying it to the woman that got to kiss Maura like she really wanted to, got to touch Maura like she really wanted to.

"Mmhmm, and you can see why I might have a problem with this?"

Jane nodded.

"Come on," Chris waved for Jane to follow and headed out of the locker room.

* * *

><p>The gym was nice early in the morning. It was the time of day it was the least populated and the few that were there were the true gym rats: regulars who were committed to getting in a day's workout even if it meant rising with the sun. The regulars weren't show-offs, they came in, they got their daily programs accomplished and they filed out for their shifts. Chris always worked out in the morning; the tone of the gym at that time was the perfect compliment to her no-nonsense style. The training accident had significantly curtailed her regimen but she still felt obligated to get a work out in on whatever parts she could comfortably.<p>

She walked over to the bench press and took up a spotter's position, hands on her hips as she looked at Jane, who looked at the bench, the empty bar, up to Chris and then back to the bar. Jane placed some weight on the bar and went to sit.

"Pmmfftt," Chris snickered, "Seriously?"

Jane cocked her head and eyed the bar, "What?"

"That's all you got?"

"That's the weight I usually bench," Jane qualified.

Chris walked to the weights and began to up the ante, "That's your problem, Rizzoli. You talk a good game, but when it comes down to it you don't push the envelope."

Jane lifted her shirt, revealing the scar, "Really?" _Push the envelope? I blew a whole in it._

"I'm not talking about your professional life, Rizzoli," Chris slid the weight clamps back onto the bar and beckoned for Jane to lay back.

The vinyl covering of the bench felt cool and stark against the exposed patches of skin as she leaned back. Jane reached up and folded her fingers around the icy bar as she caught Chris' eye, "So that's what…an analogy or something?"

Chris helped Jane raise the bar out of the cups and kept her hands hovering just under the bar as Jane brought it down and pressed it back up, "Metaphor."

"Whatever," Jane huffed out as she exhaled, concentration paralyzing her face in a determined grimace as she focused on churning out the reps. _5…I don't push the envelope? 6…She doesn't even know me. 7…Maura. 8…Shit, she's rii…9…wait a second? _

"Ten," Chris' voice and the sound of the bar clanking back into the cups snapped Jane back into the moment.

She sat up, wringing out her arms and admiring the light sheen of perspiration from her effort.

"Ever benched that much before?" Chris smirked.

"No," Jane stood and grabbed her towel, wiping the bar down before running it across her brow. "I don't understand…earlier I thought I was about to eat another one of your knuckle sandwiches and now it sounds like you're telling me to make a move."

Chris pulled the clamps off the bar and added more weight before straddling the bench. She checked her wrist guards and took a few deep breaths before leaning back, "That's not what I'm _telling_ you." She hoisted the bar and began her reps, "4…5…6…7…8… 9…10…11…12…and…lucky number 13," a long exhaled breath punctuated her display as she flexed her fingers and rose.

"You have a very big penis," Jane joked looking down at the bar and back at Chris, the weight _was_ impressive, and the purpose of the display was becoming clearer.

Chris' mouth turned up in a one-sides smirk, "Yeah, that's what Maura said last night when I strapped it on."

Jane's mouth dropped.

"I'm not telling you to make a move," Chris reached for her own towel and dabbed at her chest, "I'm _daring_ you."

_Damn._ Jane watched as Chris tossed her towel and wrist guards in her bag.

"Because," Chris turned to face Jane one last time, "in the end, I want to know that you brought your A game…and that she still chose me. Have a good work out Rizzoli."

* * *

><p>Jane thought lunchtime would never come. She wasn't really hungry; she just wanted to get the hell out of the building. There were still no solid leads on the Robinson case. Chris had mapped out Robinson's last 24 hours up until the point he left the steelworks at the end of his shift and was never seen again. Interviews with his colleagues and family didn't turn up anything unusual; Clark Robinson didn't have any apparent enemies, but he wasn't the life of the party either. He showed up, did his work, was cordial but not effervescent and went on his way when the whistle blew. Additional tox screens hadn't turned up anything; the working theory of an incapacitating agent was still that, a theory. Jane wanted away from the case, away from the bullpen and Frost and Korsak's incessant needling about what was bothering her, away from Chris and the gauntlet she'd thrown down, away from the whole damn building in fact.<p>

She walked through the doors of the café downstairs with some trepidation. No, this was more than trepidation; this was outright desperation.

"Hey Ma," Jane smiled at sat at the counter as Angela finished ringing up… _Officer…Officer…first on scene at a double last year…something familiar…Novak! Yeah, like the chick from that tv show. _

"Hey baby, what are you doing down here? Coffee?" Angela started to reach for a cup.

"No, actually, I was wondering if you hadn't had lunch yet if you wanted to join me…go grab a bite out somewhere?" She tried to play it nonchalantly.

The palm of Angela's hand flew to Jane's forehead, "Are you feeling ok?" She did that thing moms do, flipped her hand over to test the temperature with the back of her hand and then reached to do a gland check under Jane's jaw.

Jane swatted at her, "Geez Ma! Yeah, I'm fine. I just need to get out of the building and away from everyone…this uh…case is driving me nuts. I need some non-cop talk to…clear my head." _Smooth, she'll totally buy that._

Angela dragged a french fry through a river of ketchup and then tapped it on the side of the basket to shake off some of the excess, "You gonna tell me why you really wanted to go to lunch with me?" she questioned as she gnawed on the fry.

Jane paused, burger halfway to her mouth.

"You should give me more credit, Janie. I am your mother."

"It was the truth. We've got a frustrating case that's not going anywhere, Frost and Korsak are all over me today and Chris…well, Chris is Chris," Jane bit down into the burger, dabbing at her chin as some of the condiments squirted out.

"Mmhmm," Angela nodded, sometimes Jane needed to be pushed, "And that pretty girl you were with at Maura's last night?"

"Jesus Christ, Ma! What do you do? Sit in that guest house with your binoculars or something?" Jane let the burger fall with a splat back into the basket.

"I saw her arrive and later I saw the two of you outside together having a glass of wine…looking very flirtatious," Angela waggled her eyebrows.

"I'd like to die now," Jane moaned.

"Baby," Angela reached across the table and placed her hand over Jane's wrist, "did you really think I didn't know? I remember Claudia Shipman, the way you talked about her, the way you looked at her when you thought no one was looking. I just want you to be happy. What's her name?"

Jane rested her chin in her hand, "Rhiannon. She teaches history and coaches the girls' softball team at Boston Prep."

"But…" She was more perceptive than her children gave her credit for and Jane didn't mention Rhiannon like someone would that was in the throws of a passionate new relationship. So, she watched. Watched Jane sigh, watched her face fall and her eyes avoid looking forward. _And Chris…Chris is Chris._ "Oh." Angela nodded with understanding. "Maura."

"Fuck," Jane muttered under her breath.

"You love her." It wasn't a question.

"What!" Jane's eyes flew open and she started to protest until…Oh God. She pulled her hand away from her mother's grasp and dug her fingers into her temple, "I…"

Angela raised an eyebrow, "Mmhmm. What are you going to do about it?"

Jane shook her head, "I haven't decided yet."


	19. Burning Orange

**Notes:** I want to continue to thank everyone for reading and for your comments and to those of you that have engaged with me in lengthier discussions via PM I very much enjoy discussing your interpretations and takes on the story!

**CH 19: Burning Orange**

At least her mother knew when to lay off the cute, Jane mused as she sat at a table in the precinct café and poured syrup over pancake-shaped pancakes. _No bunnies, thank God._ She'd done a lot of thinking, all of the previous day and all night. The last time she remembered seeing the clock by the bed the orange digital letters were creeping towards 3:30am. _What are you going to do about it….I haven't decided yet._ She'd decided. She wanted Maura; she'd wanted her all along and had it not been for her thickheaded denial it could have been her dating Maura for over a month and not Chris. Jane shoved a wad of syrup-drenched pancake in her mouth. But, now…things weren't so easy. _What if she's in love with Chris?_ The thought hung in her throat and turned her stomach. She set the fork down; suddenly her appetite was waning. _What if it's too late?_ Jane shook her head and clenched her jaw. _Chris was right._ She was also completely full of herself and convinced that in the end Maura would choose her but she was right about one thing: Jane, aggressive in your face get shit done at work Jane hadn't pushed the envelope with Maura. She'd been confused and then scared and unsure. Those certainly weren't attractive qualities. _And now what?_ Jane forced another bite of pancake in her mouth as she fumbled for her cellphone in her pocket. _Now, Rizzoli, it's time to put it out there._

Jane scrolled through her saved text conversations and selected Rhiannon: _Can you come over tonight?_

_Sure, what time?_

Jane bit down on her lower lip, _7?_

"Jane."

The voice took her by surprise and her head snapped up to see Gabriel Dean standing next to her table.

"Dean?" Jane looked around but he seemed to be there alone, "What are you doing here?"

He looked awkward, hands shoved in his pockets, that strange look on his face like he was always on the verge of telling her something but couldn't.

"Clark Robinson. He's one of ours, an undercover."

Jane stood and eyed her half-finished pancakes, _well, at least I have a good reason not to finish them._ "Shit, no wonder we haven't been able to get any leads." She walked towards the elevator with Dean in tow, "Down in the morgue."

Dean glanced over at her as the elevator doors closed, "I don't suppose I'm going to be able to convince you to let us take over the case?"

Jane laughed and extended her hand in a mocking fashion, "Hi, Detective Jane Rizzoli, you must be new here."

Dean smiled and nodded, "I also don't suppose you'll let me take you to dinner tonight?"

"Uh," Jane smiled awkwardly, "No, I've actually got to break up with my girlfriend at 7."

"Girlfr…" Dean's eyes widened as the elevator doors opened to the morgue.

* * *

><p>Jane paced around her apartment. A somewhat more relaxing day would have been helpful. <em>Well, probably not,<em> she argued with her self. But still, a dead undercover FBI agent in her morgue who had been trying to put together a case on a Ukrainian ex-pat wanted for human trafficking? That was shit straight out of the movies. The grizzled visage of Valentin Plechenko from the Interpol photos popped into her mind and she occupied her nervous energy with thoughts of who would play Plechenko on the big screen. She reckoned with a good enough make-up department that Daniel Craig would fit the bill. There was a knock at the door.

"Hey," Rhiannon smiled as she brushed past Jane on her way in, "I figured you probably hadn't eaten so I picked up some Chinese food." She unloaded the armful on the counter and turned, reaching for Jane she raised up on her toes as she tried to place a light kiss on tense lips. Jane turned her head.

"Rhiannon, we need to talk." The thumping in her chest intensified as her body stiffened at the touch of the other woman's arms around her waist.

"Ok…" Rhiannon let her arms slip from Jane's body as she walked to the sofa. Only one kind of conversation began this way.

Jane sat down next to her, "I…" _this sucks_, "I really like you, but…"

"You're breaking up with me."

Jane took a deep breath and nodded, "I'm sorry. It's…it's that I like you, a lot even, and I sound like a fucking teenager…Jesus," she ran her hand through her hair and then looked at Rhiannon, "I know I won't feel anything more than just…like…for you."

Rhiannon's cheeks flushed a rosey red, "Because you're in love with Maura."

Jane's mouth dropped and she rubbed her face with her hands.

"And you were just using me. To what? Make her jealous? No, I know. I was your experiment, a little practice sex so you'd know what to do when you finally got to fuck her, is that it?" Rhiannon stood.

"No!" Jane protested, standing, "That was never my intention, none of that…I like you and I wanted it to be more but I can't make it be something it's not and you deserve better than that. Do you know how many times lately that I've wished that I didn't love her! How much easier it would be if I didn't! But it just is what it is and I can't be trapped by it any longer; I've got to try to be happy and I can't drag you down in my bullshit."

"What if she doesn't love you back?" Rhiannon calmed her self and returned to the sofa and took a deep breath as she sat down again. She didn't love Jane; she thought maybe she could but that emotion wasn't in play at the moment. It was hard not to feel used, but she knew enough about Jane at this point to know that using her for sex or experience wasn't her style; it wasn't in her nature.

Jane sat and flopped backwards, letting her head rest on the back of the sofa as she stared up at the ceiling. "I don't know," she muttered.

"Sounds like you'd need a friend then."

Jane turned to look at the soft brown eyes that stared back at her, "I could use one regardless."

Rhiannon's hand was soft on her face as she leaned in and placed a light kiss on her cheek, "That food is gonna get cold if we don't eat it."

"So it's true," Jane mused as they rifled through the takeout bags, "the whole, lesbians staying friends stereotype."

"Yeah," Rhiannon laughed as she popped open two beers, "A stereotruth if you will. Come on, I'll even help you strategize on how to get your girl."

It was a strange mix of emotions: the fading of the anxiety that had gripped her leading up to the evening, relief, a curious and excited anticipation but also sadness. Jane watched Rhiannon dip her eggroll in her soup and smiled as a little bit of the liquid dribbled down her chin. She reached out and wiped it away before it dripped, "Thank you."

Rhiannon set her plate down for a moment, "I should have known from that night at the club, the way you watched her dance. So, I guess I put myself in a losing situation. Guess I'm just a sucker for a tall brunette. It's ok though. Jane, you do deserve to be happy. It sucks that it's not me, but, that's life I guess. I've been there before. You're right; you can't make yourself feel something that's not there. I should probably thank you, for telling me sooner rather than later."

* * *

><p>Angela Rizzoli was far more in the know than her children gave her credit for. Jane watched with a newfound sense of admiration as Angela hustled Tommy and Frankie out of Maura's house almost immediately after Sunday dinner had been finished. Jane smirked as she heard her mother's booming voice regale her brothers with a run down of the book on Feng Shui she had read and how their assistance was required to rearrange the furniture in the guest house in order to best help her achieve a positive Qi.<p>

"I'll help you clean up," Jane chuckled as she gathered the last of the dishes from the table, "And when Ma realizes that the orientation of her bed in relation to the dresser has no impact on the positive…Qi…or whatever, in her life, I'll help you re-rearrange your guest house."

Maura handed Jane another glass of wine, "Leave the dishes. I'll clean up later." She walked towards the sofa and sat; flipping off the ballet flats she was wearing so she could pull her feet up on the couch.

"You feeling ok?" Jane raised as an eyebrow as she smiled teasingly and joined Maura.

"You've seemed…different the past few days. More…like your old self," Maura took a sip of her wine and watched Jane with intrigue.

"I broke up with Rhiannon," Jane set her glass down and turned to face the true object of her affection.

Maura cocked her head and also set her glass aside, "I'm sorry…I…I thought you really liked her."

"Don't be sorry. And I did; but that was all it was. Because I knew I couldn't be in love with her."

The room fell silent save for expectant breaths. The air tingled as if the vacant space could suddenly conduct electricity. Maura wrapped her arms around her legs and laced her fingers together to still the trembles that threatened to overtake them, "How…how…" she stammered, "how do you know…that you wouldn't fall in love with her?"

Jane smiled, the look was genuine and sincere and reminiscent of the confidence that she had always displayed until Chris had entered the picture, "Because I know. Because I'm in love with you."

Maura's phone rang but for a moment she couldn't tear her eyes away from Jane's, finally she reached for it and seeing Chris' name on the caller ID answered. If Maura believed in such things she would have conjectured that the universe was having some kind of cosmic fun at her expense. The Moirae of ancient Greek texts, the Norns of Norse mythology, if they were real they would be running a hand over Maura's life thread right now, bemused at the timing of the call and the juxtaposition of the two women's demeanors, some kind of celestial plan written in the stars building towards this moment. Jane, sat confidently on her sofa, Chris, was on the phone crying.

"I'm sorry," she choked out amidst the sobs, "I didn't want to interrupt your dinner."

"What's wrong?" Maura asked, sitting up and reaching for her shoes.

"Can you…" the crying grew more violent and the words could barely get out and what did was almost incomprehensible, "…come."

"I'm on my way," Maura hung up and stood, grabbing her purse from the counter she made her way to the door but Jane's hand was unexpected as it gripped her arm and lightly spun her around. Soft hands were on her face; Maura closed her eyes and instinctively held her breath…waiting.

"I'm not going to kiss you," Jane's voice was low and without opening her eyes Maura knew their faces were only inches apart; she could feel soft exhalations ghost across her nose and lips every time Jane breathed. "I'm not going to compromise your integrity in your relationship with Chris again. I'm just telling you, Maura, that I love you. And I'm sorry it took so long for me to understand and recognize it. And if it's too late to be more than just your best friend, then that's my loss and I'll find a way to accept that."

Jane's hands slipped from Maura's face. She opened the door and watched as Maura's form faded into the darkness, replaced moments later by taillights as she drove away. The weight in her chest was gone as she walked towards the guesthouse. _Challenge, accepted._

* * *

><p>It burned. Chris gripped her chest with one hand trying to squeeze out the orange flames that felt like they were consuming her. Pain.<p>

Maura found the door to Chris' apartment unlocked and let her self in. Chris was sitting on her sofa, her shoulders were slumped forward and her hair hung forward in her face. As Maura walked closer she could finally see over the back of the sofa, Kelso's limp body was laid out across Chris' lap, her right arm hooked under the German Shepherd's neck clutching his head to her chest, her left arm stroking back and forth through his fur.

She knelt down in front of them and closed his eyes, wiping away the moisture that had accumulated on the shorter hair of his face, some of it his own tears from stress, some if it probably from Chris. Chris looked at Maura, the hours-long endless barrage of tears streaming down her face as she shook her head.

"What happened?" Maura reached for Chris' hand and enclosed it with her own.

"I got home from the gym…he was in respiratory distress. I…I was going to try to get him to the emergency clinic but it was all happening so fast and I knew he wouldn't make it and I didn't want him to die alone in the back of my car so I just sat down…" the pain clawed its way out again, settling in her throat and gagging her. "I just sat down and held him until he stopped breathing. He's….he's really gone now."

Maura moved to sit on the sofa and wrapped her arm around a trembling back. It wasn't just about Kelso; the dog was a symbol, the last living vestige of Chris' father. "Come with me," Maura said, almost a whisper as she urged Chris to slide out from under the body.

She ran the water cold in the bathroom sink and pulled Chris' hair back for her before she guided her face down to the stream. Maura let the water pool in her hand before bringing it to the tear-stained and reddened skin of her girlfriend. They stayed like that for a few minutes, Maura doing her best to assist the cool water in washing away some of the sting her other hand rubbing light comforting circles on Chris' back. She reached for the hand towel next to the sink and blotted away the excess moisture before Chris melted into her body, burying her face in Maura's neck.

"I'm sorry," Maura said softly into Chris' ear before placing a light kiss on her temple. "Why don't you change, get into bed, I'll fix you some tea and I'll stay with you."

Maura eyed the lifeless form on the sofa sympathetically. It was unfair, for Chris to lose one of her dogs and then so soon after, another. She scrolled through the contacts on Chris cellphone, "Cpt. Petrovski? It's Dr. Isles. No, I'm afraid everything isn't alright. Kelso has passed away and I hate for Chris to have to see him like this all night. Thank you, Captain, I very much appreciate it."

A soothing chamomile tea prepared, Maura made sure the front door was still unlocked for Petrovski before heading back to the bedroom.

"I pulled you some pajamas," Chris sniffled as she took the tea, blowing some of the steam away before taking a small sip.

Maura changed and crawled into bed, sidling up next to Chris and wrapping her arms around the grief stricken woman and placing a series of apologetic kisses on the shoulder left bare by a thin tank top. "I wish I had something better to say than I'm sorry."

Chris set her tea aside and turned into Maura's embrace, dragging them both down she let her head settle on Maura's chest. "You're here with me. That's enough."

Emotional exhaustion carried Chris off to sleep surprisingly quickly. Maura let her fingers thread through and tangle in auburn locks. Chris' voice echoed in her head, _If no one's every told you they'd fight for you, then no one's every loved you the way you deserve to be loved._ It hadn't registered as much at the time but as she thought about it Maura realized what it meant when Chris had said that. And now there was Jane. _I'm just telling you, Maura, that I love you._ In her entire life, Maura could only think of one person she had ever thought she was in love with…_Ian._ He didn't love her back, not in the way she deserved to be loved. And the more she thought about her romance with him the more she realized that what she thought was being in love with him really wasn't. She had been in love with the idea of being in love with Ian. Which meant that she had never been in love. The weight of the woman sleeping on her chest was suddenly heavier now. _Jane said she just knew, knew that she couldn't fall in love with Rhiannon because she's in love with me._ Maura wiped at the tears that were now staining her own face as she tried to muffle her emotions. How could she feel something that seemed so deep for Chris yet feel so stripped bare, emotionally, when Jane had uttered those words earlier? _I can't be in love with them both._


	20. Gold

**Notes:** Sorry for how long it has taken to get this updated, I really wanted to finish my other multichapter pice - Evolution. And work is crazy. But, now that Evolution is complete I should be updating this more frequently.

**CH 20: Gold**

She had slept, all night, straight through. That, in and of itself, was a miracle. Jane Rizzoli was a terrible sleeper, always had been, ever since she was a child. Things in her life had happened that made it worse. Hoyt. Those had been horrible gripping nightmares. Sometimes she relived his attack in her dreams, just as it had happened. When he had come after her the second time and then sent his apprentice her subconscious created its own depraved scenarios. He raped her once, in a dream. She had woken up, barely made it to the bathroom to vomit and then packed a bag and headed to Maura's. Marino. Those dreams were always the same. She died. Matter of factly, watched herself die, spirit floating above her body…corpse. The bullet hole was bigger each time she dreamed it until it looked like she'd taken a shot from something approximating a bazooka. She'd wake up, grabbing her side in a fit of sympathetic pain that would linger for agonizing minutes before she realized she wasn't really shot. One time her ghost wandered around the hospital as the doctors tried futilely to bring her back to life. She watched everyone mourn. That night she woke up crying, her pillow soaked with tears.

Then there had been all of this emotional…_bullshit_…she'd called it at first. She knew better now. And last night she'd laid it out to Maura. And she'd slept, all night, straight through.

With an uncharacteristic early morning spring in her step, Jane looked over the evidence board again. She felt inspired. She'd been on the verge of letting the Clark Robinson case get the best of her, of saying to hell with it and throwing in the towel. Not anymore. Valentin Plechenko had trafficked women as sex slaves throughout the Ukraine, southeastern Europe and the Balkans. He'd gotten into the U.S. on falsified documents, _no doubt someone's ass at Homeland Security is in a royal fucking sling_, Jane mused. But he was here, and the Feds had suspicions he was up to his usual business, bringing in girls from overseas and…_selling_…them to American men. Jane could barely imagine it, the desperation those women must feel to allow themselves to be bought and sold, like property, no better or worse than livestock at an auction. _Sick bastards_. She was disgusted by Plechenko and equally if not more disgusted with the Americans that would buy his wares.

"Plechenko was working out of the shipping department at the steelworks. Special orders, bulk orders…construction and machinery parts mostly," Dean stepped up beside her and handed her a cup of coffee. "Agent Robinson was supposed to observe Plechenko at first. If we felt the recon was sufficient to believe he was moving girls then we'd authorize him to engage Plechenko, try to get in on the operation."

"How?" Jane asked, "Guys like Plechenko don't just let random people in, they have a gang, associates they trust."

"Clark's mother was Ukrainian, father American. Spent a lot of time growing up overseas, fluent in Ukrainian and Russian. His mother was actually originally from the same town as Plechenko, Berezivka, Odessa oblast. We got him on loan from the CIA. Two weeks ago, we authorized phase two. We were reluctant to come in too soon. Our sources say Plechenko is still going about life as usual. We didn't want to risk blowing the operation." Dean waited for Jane to respond.

"You think Plechenko figured out that Robinson was a plant?"

Dean shook his head no, "I think if he thought Robinson was coming from any federal agency, he'd have blown town. Something about Robinson's attempt didn't feel right to Plechenko, but it evidently didn't completely blow his cover. Jane, this case is bigger than the murder of Agent Robinson; we are literally dealing with a man that's put hundreds of women into sexual slavery that directly resulted in their mental and physical abuse and in some cases death. I want justice for Clark, but I want justice for all those women too."

* * *

><p>She hadn't slept, barely a wink, a couple of hours at the most. Maura attempted to retreat as she often did to a scientific approach to the problem at hand. It had always been so easy to do that in the past. It had always been so easy to do that…<em>before Jane<em>. But, Jane brought friendship and other entangling relationships with others and…_emotions_. And she couldn't formulize it; she couldn't quantify it and break it down into numbers and data. It wouldn't fit into any mathematical model. Most of all she couldn't rationalize what she felt inside. _Love_. Jane loved her. She was pretty sure she loved Jane too. Chris loved her. The feelings there were harder to pull apart. There was affection, care, pleasure of company. She was judging Chris against Jane. It wasn't fair, to any of them. It certainly wasn't helpful for her own clarity. It was why she had always avoided emotional attachment; even as a child. Her parents had given very little in the way of a true connection and she had never asked for more. It struck her, maybe she didn't ask for more because she didn't want the connection. Life was easier that way. She had chosen a tortoise as a pet, not a dog or a cat. _They're fascinating creatures. They also don't require much in the way of affection or physicality._

Maura sighed, continuing to stare blankly at the computer screen in front of her. Life was easier that way. It had been. And then Jane…and Frost and Korsak, BPD, the Rizzolis they had shown her a different way. A harder way but a more fulfilling way. Now, she wanted that; she wanted connection and closeness. _Friend…Lover…Friend and Lover? It's not a puzzle; I can't make the pieces fit where I want them to. I have to let them find their place. I have to trust that they will._

"Hey." Jane's voice lingered in from the doorway of her office.

"Hey," Maura looked up from her computer.

Jane walked in slowly and made her way to the sofa, "Dean was giving me all the background on this guy, Plechenko, real bastard. It was starting to get to me…I, uh, needed to get out of the bullpen."

Maura didn't even feel her legs as they raised her up out of the seat and carried her over to the sofa to sit next to Jane. It was hard to feel much of anything besides the overwhelming thumping of her heart.

"You ok?" Jane reached out to place the back of her hand on Maura's cheek and then her forehead, "You look flushed."

Jane's hand was cool, soft and she could smell the faint powdery aroma of hand cream. Maura couldn't stop her eyes from fluttering shut as Jane's hand stroked lightly down her cheek until the touch was gone, leaving her heartbeat in an even further excited state. It hurt, the ache coursing through her body.

"It's difficult to be around you right now," the words spilled out, quietly, but poignantly. Maura glanced quickly at Jane and then back at her hands where she twisted her ring round and round on her finger.

"Because of what I said last night." It wasn't a question and Jane didn't direct it at Maura. The words filled the space in front of her as she started to get up.

"No!" Maura reached for her, grabbing her arm, "It's…that came out wrong. I'm confused, Jane."

"Well, I know what that's like," Jane laughed

"I've never been in love with anyone before. Really in love with them. Garrett…that wasn't real; it was youth and physical desire. Ian…I think I was in love with the idea of being in love with Ian. But, if he was really the love of my life, I would have gone with him. All the times I had the chance to and I never did, because deep down I think I knew it wasn't what I thought and wanted it to be. I have these conflicting feelings right now. I don't want another Garrett or another Ian. I want something that's real; I've waited long enough for it…I think I…I think I deserve it."

Jane placed her hand over Maura's to still the fidgeting, "You absolutely do."

"I have feelings for Chris and for you and right now everything feels too tangled up in one big knot and I'm not good at this…I'm not good at emotions. You said last night that you finally just knew. I want to know too. But I'm not like you, Jane. I don't get these emotional epiphanies. When you walked into my office a few minutes ago all I wanted was to be near you, but then I think about Chris and I'm confused. I can't stand it, but I am." Maura sighed and let her head drop.

Jane's touch was light under her chin as she urged Maura to look at her, "I'm not going anywhere. And I meant it, last night, when I said if it was too late for more that you would still be my best friend."

"I just need a little time," Maura whispered.

Jane nodded and fought the near body-shaking urge to wind her hands in Maura's hair and pull her into a kiss, "I owe you more than a little time for all the time I wasted."

Maura smiled, "Thank you."

Jane walked towards the door and paused, "May I ask…why Chris called in today?"

"Do you remember from poker night, her old Shepherd, Kelso?" Jane nodded. "He passed away last night."

* * *

><p>It was getting to be that time of year. Fall was creeping in and beginning its annual duel with the heat of summer. The weather was borderline schizophrenic with its dramatic temperature shifts. It was warm today. Chris hated it, the back and forth. <em>Change. Just when you start to accept it, bam, spun around again.<em> She closed her eyes and let the warm breeze cut around her, bringing with it the burnished gold leaves of trees that had been fooled yet again by mother nature's early fall trickery. She listened to the dried out hulls of the once lush foliage rustle and creak and eventually crackle like sandpaper as heavy footsteps approached her.

"I thought you might be here," Captain Petrovski's voice shook her awake. He reached out and brushed the fallen leaves off the headstone and sat on the ground next to her.

"Maura said you came and got him last night, thank you," Chris didn't look at him, she kept her eyes focused on her father's name, etched into the polished granite.

"I thought you might want this," he handed her Kelso's collar and placed his hand on her shoulder as she took it and cried. "Thirteen…it's a good long life for these guys, especially with all the stress of their working years."

Chris sniffled and wiped away the tears, "I know."

"You didn't take any time off after Grecco, so when I called Cavanaugh today to see how you were and he said you took a personal day…" he paused, watched as she shook her head, fighting the tears. "…It's not about Kelso is it? Not really?"

"All I ever wanted was for him to be proud of me," Chris ran her fingers across the leather collar as she spoke.

"And you don't think he was…don't think he would be?"

A weighty silence settled between them. Chris hung her head and focused on the heat of the sun beating down on her neck, the sound of birds in the nearby trees and the smell of salt from her own tears.

"No, I don't," she finally admitted.

"So, what then? Keep torturing yourself for shit you can't change?"

Chris chuckled, "Yeah, pretty much."

Petrovski shook his head, "Damn, you Irish, I swear…"

They both laughed. "Well, you know what they say about the Irish," Chris added, "we have an abiding sense of tragedy to sustain us through temporary periods of joy."

"How's that working for you?" Petrovski needled.

"Fucking sucks, sir." Chris pushed her hair out of her face and wiped at her eyes as she looked at her captain.

"Seems to me you got some pretty worthwhile stuff to be positive about," he reached for the collar and took it out of her hands, setting it on top of the grave stone. "Dr. Isles…"

Chris smiled, "Yeah, she's pretty much perfect…"

"Ah," he laughed, "Yeah, I remember when I thought that about my wife. You know, back when she still cooked every night and shaved her legs. You love her?"

Chris nodded

"You told her that?"

"Not in those exact words."

Petrovski chuckled again, "Piece of work. You know I didn't bag Mrs. Petrovski by sitting around on my hands. What are you waiting for?"

"For it to fall apart," Chris admitted.

"Christ, Kelly, you are some kind of pessimist," he shook his head as he reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope, "Something else to be positive about."

She took the envelope and opened it. Petrovski watched with anticipation and mild concern, "Chief approved the requisition for a new dog. If you want it, back on the unit, we'll start the search. Or, you know, you can stay in homicide…keep busting Rizzoli's chops from what I hear."

Chris slid the letter back in the envelope, "Start the search. What kind of budget did he give us?"

They stood and started to walk back to the parking lot, "Chief put in calls to some donors, let's just say, there's probably not a dog out there we can't afford."

Chris' shoulders squared, "I want the files from your scout. I make the short list. And I want to go to Europe to see them in person and make the final selection. Dutch Shepherds, Dutchies only."

"Fuck, you would want one of those psychotic brindle bastards. Every dog you touch is fucking gold though; you'll run this unit some day. When I'm good and damn well ready to retire, mind you, don't go getting any ideas." Petrovski gave her a hearty slap on the back, "Welcome back Sergeant, welcome back."


	21. Watercolor and Sand

**Notes:** Well, I'll be quite interested to see what the reactions to this chapter are.

**CH 21: Watercolor and Sand**

There was something about the Charles River at night, when the only clue as to river or sky was how the various colored lights bled like paint across the water's surface. There wasn't a time of day Chris didn't enjoy the Charles, early morning when the crew teams and small sailboats were out, afternoon as background for a quick lunch and a moment of disconnection from the working world, sunset…it could be particularly beautiful at sunset when a hot pink sky painted it like a scene from some whimsical fairytale. But, night was her favorite. When the hustle and bustle of the day was gone and darkness rolled in and obscured the lines between heaven and earth. She thought of Iraq and the endless sand and the longing for a body of water…for tranquility. Iraq, with its utterly black nights. Almost nothingness. The sound of shells and gunfire through the midnight sky always kept it real, kept her just on the side of the line from complete dissociation. When she could though, she'd pop headphones in, cue up one of those nature tracks and listen to the sound of water, staring out over the black abyss that obscured the infinite sands and she'd imagine waves just beyond the lights of the camp.

"I love the water," Chris stopped walking and pulled Maura in front of her, wrapping her arms around her waist as they looked out from the riverside path over the glassy surface.

Maura smiled, a playful breeze rustled through her hair and Chris took the opportunity to place a light kiss on her exposed neck.

"In Iraq…everyone comes up with their own things to get them through. For most of the soldiers, it's a person or people; you know, family, friends. The only someone I had was my dog and he was with me. So, I thought of the water. I wanted to see it again. I wanted the water to wash away the memories of sand. I wanted to swim in the ocean, but not just any ocean, ocean that touched American ground. I wanted to walk along this river…with someone like you. I didn't want to die over there and never see the water again. That must sound really bizarre."

"No, it doesn't." Maura turned in Chris' arms, "I think when you're in a situation such as that, then nothing is trivial, whatever it takes to give you hope, to give you something to look forward to…I can't imagine anything more important."

Their lips connected, warm and supple, Chris smiled as the faint notes of the wine Maura had drunk at dinner still lingered on her breath. Chris let her tongue dip into Maura's mouth, emboldened by soft moans she wrapped her arms further around the smaller woman, fingers curling into her upper and lower back until the entire length of their fronts pressed tightly together. The intensity of the kiss slowly waned until Chris reluctantly let her lips pull away as she ran her fingers through Maura's windblown hair.

"I'm going back to the K-9 unit. The Chief approved Petrovski's request to get me a new dog."

Maura's hand stroked softly down her neck and then over her shoulders, "I was starting to wonder if you were going to go back…or just stay in Homicide."

Chris laughed, "I was honestly unsure myself."

"What made you sure?" Maura continued to let her hands caress up and down the bare arms wrapped around her.

"I realized that I may have gone into this profession to try and earn my father's approval. But, I'm successful at it and I'm good at it because I really love it. I love it in its own right, not because of him and not for him. For me. I needed to get back in touch with that."

Maura smiled, "I'm glad that you were able to realize that. When will you transfer back?"

Chris laced their hands together and started walking again, "Petrovski has a scout in the Netherlands who will put together a list of available dogs over the next couple of days. I'll go through them and come up with a short list and then he and I will take a week to go over and see the dogs worked, make the final selection. Which brings me to this…" Chris paused and leaned against the walk railing as she pulled Maura close to her, "…Would you go with me? If you can…I mean…take a week of vacation and go with me, get out of Boston. Besides Petrovski, you'd be the first person to meet my new partner."

"I have several open cases right now…and this Plechenko case doesn't seem to be winding down…and I could have court, depending on when you were going…" Maura's head dropped out of worry of disappointing Chris.

Chris lifted her chin and placed a soft kiss on her lips, "No, I understand if your case load won't permit it…just, if you can, I'd love to show you what I do."

"Thank you," Maura placed her hand on Chris' cheek, "for wanting to share that with me."

* * *

><p>One corner of her mouth turned up in a pleased smirk as her blue eyes peered out through a few errant copper locks. She watched her fingers drag along Maura's collarbone and then down her sternum, satisfied with the perspiration that had collected there. Chris turned her head from its resting place on Maura's flushed chest to again lick and suck at a sensitive nipple. She hummed with pleasure as Maura's breath hitched and her body lifted slightly as her hands found their way to Chris' already mussed and near matted locks.<p>

"I'm getting used to your penchant for hair pulling," Chris quipped as she released the nipple, letting her face rest once more on the pillow of Maura's breast. "Has anyone ever told you, you have perfect breasts?"

Maura giggled, "As a matter of fact…"

"Oooh," Chris winced, "I should be jealous." She pushed herself up and straddled Maura, lowering her body until their lips hovered an almost nonexistent distance apart, "Shall we try for number four?"

Lips melted together in a reinvigorated battle for the upper hand. Maura won, capturing Chris' lower lip with a sustained and playful nip. When she released, Chris pulled back and cupped Maura's face in her hands.

"Maura, I love you."

Silence. Maura's eyes slammed shut. The sound of Chris breathing was nearly deafening. _Feel._ Maura opened her eyes and the blue eyes that stared back waited…expectantly…hopefully. _It doesn't feel the same…the same as when…Jane._ She opened her mouth but nothing came out. _It's going to hurt her…I don't want to hurt her._ Maura's eyes darted away as she whispered, "I'm sorry."

She waited; she wasn't sure what for. Some kind of emotional outburst. Nothing. Chris didn't move; her breath remained steady as it pulsed over her cheek. Her hands were hot on her jaw line, though Maura imagined it was her own skin that was really burning.

"Look at me," Chris' voice was surprisingly calm and controlled.

Maura brought one hand to her face and covered her eyes momentarily before letting it fall aside as she looked at Chris.

"You didn't want me to say that?" Chris queried.

"I can't say it back."

Chris nodded. Her hands slipped away from Maura's face as she sat up. She paused, looking down at the body beneath her before she extricated herself from the tangle of limbs and sheets. Undergarments were collected and with her back to Maura, Chris slipped back into her dress before gathering her shoes from where they had been kicked free.

She didn't turn around, but looked over her shoulder to where Maura lay, still in bed, having pulled the sheets over her self, "What did she say to you?"

Maura sat up and wrapped her arms around her legs, "That she loved me."

Chris turned, "And you told her you loved her back?"

"No. She told me the night you called about Kelso. I…I didn't say anything, actually." Maura let her forehead fall to her knees.

"Eisntein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I've done this before, Maura. And I learned my lesson. I'll only fight for something I have a chance of winning. You told me when we started dating that you were open to seeing where this would go…I don't want to just have sex with you Maura. I don't want to be the filler while you wait for her to give you what I already have. Please don't string me along. I'm going to go, and you can…think about it, whatever you need to do to make a decision, to understand what you want."

Maura closed her eyes and let the warm tears streak down her already hot face. She flinched as her front door shut and she sunk back down into the bed straining to hear the roar of the engine that started outside her house and faded quickly into the night.

* * *

><p><em>Dammit. Another body<em>. Jane stood with her arms crossed and watched as Maura prepped for the autopsy. _Vlade Bosovic_. She started thinking about the film of this case she was casting in her mind, but she couldn't conjure up anyone for the role of Bosovic, there was too much noise.

"Serbian," Jane gestured at the body, watching Maura intently as she worked, "Dean said he's a known associate of Plechenko. Part of the inner circle."

Maura nodded.

"Why drowning?" Jane mused aloud. "And if the bodies are weighted to force drowning, why not just sink them? Why let them be found?"

"Sadism?" Maura offered.

"Oh! She speaks! And guesses!" Jane jabbed.

Maura shot her an irritated glance. "The derivation of pleasure from watching the physical suffering of another. He drugs them, submerges them and watches them drown. In 90% of drownings where water is found in the lungs the individual was conscious at the time of submersion; in only 10% of cases does the initial laryngospasm persist effectively sealing off the airway to water until cardiac arrest, 'dry drowning.' Therefore, in all likelihood if there is water in Vlade's lungs, he, like Clark Robinson was conscious and awake when put into the water."

"He drugs them, so he can weight them without resistance. He watches them and then allows the body to be found. The added benefit of his method: we have no trace, no concrete links." Jane sighed. "It must be terrifying…to drown."

"I would imagine any near death scenario one is conscious for must be terrifying," Maura looked up and couldn't keep her gaze from trailing down Jane's body to her side.

Jane followed her sight line and instinctively her hand moved to settle over the scar, "I…it never occurred to me I might die. The pain…was excruciating, but I could feel, so I knew I was alive. And then you were there…and I wasn't afraid."

Maura looked away and back into the now open cavity of Vlade Bosovic.

"Chris is going back to K-9?" Jane blurted out in a blatant attempt to change the subject.

"She is."

Jane walked over to the autopsy table, "Maur, are you ok? You seem…off."

"She told me she loved me," she didn't look up, choosing to focus her concentration on removing the lungs of her victim.

"And?" Jane's body stiffened as she waited for a reply.

"And…the other night you told me you could give me some time. I…" she stopped working and looked up, the look in Jane's eyes, the same expectant and hopeful look that had settled over Chris' face the night before last. "I feel like I'm standing on a precipice…I…"

Jane smiled understandingly, "It's ok, Maur. I told you, I'm not going anywhere." She turned to leave and stopped, "Call me, if you get anything…or, you know, if you just need to."

Maura waited until she was almost at the doors, "Jane…" Jane turned to face her. "You really weren't scared…you didn't think you could die?" The brunette shook her head no and a look flashed across her face, something akin to guilt Maura surmised, guilt that she didn't feel the same terror everyone else around her had felt. "I did, Jane. I thought you were going to die. I thought those were the last breaths I was going to see you take. I thought that was the last memory of you that I would have."

Jane nodded, "I know…But, Maura…I'm still here." She turned and left.

Maura watched the morgue doors swing until they settled into stillness again. _I know, Jane. I know you are._

* * *

><p>Chris scrolled through the last file of the first batch of dogs that Petrovski's scout had sent. She clicked on the video link and smiled as the agitator worked the young male Dutch Shepherd into a seething furor for the canvas jute tug held just out of reach. And then the dog was on it, the agitator lifting him off the ground and swinging him around by the tug, daring him to release with a barrage of faux blows that he directed towards the dog's head.<p>

"Nice," Chris murmured, "Good full bite. Nice release."

Mik perked up and stared at the door before the knock actually came.

"Hey," Maura stood in the doorway and waited for Chris to motion her in. She made her way over to the sofa and was greeted by Mik, who rested his chin on her knee.

"He's gotten very needy since Kelso died…but then, they both always liked you. Which is…unusual…for them to take to another person," Chris watched as Maura ran her hand over the dog's head.

Maura glanced at the computer screen, "Are those the dogs you're looking at?"

"The first batch," Chris clicked the video off and pulled up the last file she had been perusing. "This one's my favorite of this bunch, nice young male. His name is Luc."

"He's beautiful."

Chris chuckled, "Yeah, he's pretty handsome. But, looks are secondary…as long as he can smell what he's supposed to and bite bad guys. Can I…get you something? A drink?"

Maura shook her head and turned to face Chris, "I'm sorry. About the other night."

"Yeah, I think you said that at the time," Chris forced herself to hold Maura's eye. It was difficult. Every part of her told her where this was going. Her insides felt tight, like they were bracing for a blow. _Protect yourself. Protect yourself. _But she couldn't, everything was already torn open, laid bare.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I would never want to hurt you. I care for you…very much."

"You care for me." Chris repeated the words and watched as Maura nodded. "And when she told you she loved you…you came to me." _Hope._

Maura glanced down where Chris' hand had wandered on top of her own, "I've never been very good with emotions…I…don't always understand what I'm feeling. It can be very confusing. I've been trying to work it out in my head. I kept thinking that at some point it would have to be clear…"

Chris' hands were light on her face pulling their lips nearly together as she whispered, "When I kiss you…" The kiss was unlike their others; Chris' passion was desperate, almost pleading. She pulled back, her lips skimming lightly over Maura's, her nose ghosting over heated skin. "What do you feel?"

"Longing," Maura's voice was breathy.

"And when I…" Chris pressed her lips to Maura's again, her tongue staking its usual dominance as her hand started at Maura's knee and glided teasingly up her leg, under her skirt and coming to rest softly on her inner thigh as her thumb caressed light circles on the sensitive skin.

Maura broke the kiss, her breath hitching as the touch caused her skin to tingle.

"…when I touch you. What do you feel?"

"Want," Maura whispered.

Chris' hand pulled out from under her skirt and again steadied Maura's face. _End game._ Piercing blue eyes challenged their hazel counterparts, "And when I tell you that I love you?"

Maura bit down on her lip to keep it from quivering, but she couldn't stop the tears that breached the banks and trickled down her face, "I care for you…very much…but I'm not in love with you."

The withdrawal of touch was stark. Maura watched as Chris stood and walked several feet away.

"I never had a chance did I?" Chris asked as she turned.

Maura tried to wipe the tears away, "I wanted…" there were no words, nothing that could defray the pain she knew she was causing. Whatever intentions or hopes either of them had begun with, it hadn't worked out that way.

"So did I." Chris walked towards her bedroom, "You can show yourself out."

She stood on the other side of her bedroom door until she heard heels pass over the threshold and the soft though soul-crushingly deafening click of the door. Silence. Her body slid down the wooden support until she hit the ground, angry, sorrowful tears scratching down her face. The worst part was the painful reminder that love wasn't one-way. She could only love Maura; she couldn't make Maura love her. And now she was left with the ultimate reminder of her own vulnerability: to love someone but not be loved in return. The anger – at Jane, for just being, the regret – for putting her self through it again and ultimately the unrelenting feeling that had settled in her chest – love. Nothing could make that go away, not even Maura not loving her back. And yet, that love, it wasn't enough.

_I'm not enough._


	22. Silver Lining

**Notes: **I continue to thank all of you for your comments and discussions via PM and Twitter. I'm overwhelmed actually by the response. This chapter is a bit shorter than usual but I'm heading out of town for the weekend and I think it serves as some necessary filler between the last chapter and where we go next.

**CH 22: Silver Lining**

Seconds ticked by into minutes. Agonizing minutes. Torturous minutes that were painstakingly slow at whittling away the vacant and lonely night. Her hand had lingered on her phone for most of it, finger hovering over the contact speed dial. Pondering. _Call? Or not?_ Sleep won the battle a few times, dragging her down into the black void of slumber. Hypnos was powerful and Morpheus unrelenting…and cruel.

_Hands fly up to shield her eyes. Birds. Where did they come from? Hundreds of pairs of wings beat a frenetic fury around her. The sensation of lost feathers is ticklish on her face and arms as she tries to swat them away. And then, they're gone, a swirling cyclone of mottled feathers falling to the ground…revealing. Jane. Maura turns her head and admires the water on either side of the boat. The Charles. Jane! Jane…I love you! Her hands reach out for the strong form that's standing so close, but Jane backs away. No. Jane's voice is stern and hollow. No, Maur. You misunderstood. I don't want you. I don't want you…the words echo. Jane…she pleads, and the tears blur her vision. She backs away, from that which is so close but that she can't touch. She backs away from the pain. The edge of the boat hits her in the back of the knees. The sensation is paralyzing. Falling. The water grabs hold and pulls her under. _

Maura sat up with a frantic gasp as she clutched at her chest. Wet. Her face was soaked from crying and her sweat-soaked pajamas clung to her body. She tugged at the top and fluffed it, the air that rushed under it giving her a shiver as the gust met flushed and damp skin. The seconds continued to tick by into minutes as she stared ahead, the enveloping darkness that still hung in the room hiding that fact that daybreak was creeping over the distant horizon. Five am.

* * *

><p><em>Coffee. Coffee…coffee…coffee. Need.<em> Jane snorted under her breath at her mind's simplistic and single-tracked mantra.

"What the…" she murmured, hopping on one foot as she pulled her boot on the other, Joe Friday having already scrabbled to her feet in order to streak towards the knock coming from the front door.

She checked the peephole and smiled as she flung the door open to Maura standing in the hallway, two fresh cups of coffee and a pastry bag in her hands, "Maur, you read my mind."

Maura handed her one of the piping hot cups, swirling tendrils of steam carrying the rich and chocolate-laced aroma through the small opening in the lid. She walked to the bar and set her cup down and pulled a breakfast sandwich out for Jane and a fruit salad for her self. Jane gulped greedily at the hot beverage as she took a seat on one of the stools.

A single grape was her only focal point. The plastic fork from the café pushing it round and round the little plastic bowl. Maura glanced briefly at Jane and then back to the fruit, "I ended it with Chris last night."

Jane wanted to smile, but she couldn't. She couldn't smile when her friend…the woman she loved looked so sad. It was obvious now, she felt guilty she hadn't noticed it before, the circles under Maura's eyes, the redness, she hadn't slept and she'd been crying. She reached for the fork and took it from Maura's hand and set it aside. Maura closed her eyes, Jane's hand was light and comforting on her hip as it snaked around her lower back and pulled her into an embrace.

Time: an arbitrary creation of units of measure to catalogue sequences of events, to compare duration and chart intervals from one moment to the next. Rates of change are quantifiable; one minute is always composed of sixty seconds and one hour of sixty minutes. Yet, Maura was sure the previous night had dragged on endlessly defiant of temporal measurement and now she was positive, as her body sunk into the warmth of Jane, as her face settled into the crook of a soft neck that smelled of lavender and coconut, she was sure that time had stopped altogether.

The touch on her back and the fingers caressing through her hair was so delicate. Maura had half-expected that Jane would revel in her victory; pounce on her hungrily. But it wasn't like that, thankfully.

"I love you too," Maura whispered into her neck. The words licked at her skin, burning through and traveling down to settle in her chest in a contradictory flurry of excitement and ultimately, relief. Jane's strokes stilled as her arms tightened around Maura.

They stayed that way for a few lingering moments, wrapped up in each other until Jane pushed her back so that she could cup her face, "I know that it was hard."

Maura nodded, "I cared for her…"

"I know," Jane's thumbs stroked across her cheeks.

"But, when she told me she loved me…it wasn't the same…I didn't feel the same as when you said it," Maura brought her hands to Jane's wrists, her thumbs tracing over the scars on the back of each palm.

Jane tried to fight the smile, tried to hold it in by biting down on her lip but she couldn't hide the look in her eyes. The way they brightened was undeniable, the look revelatory. Maura sighed. Solace. The rejection in the dream was just that, a dream.

"It'll hurt for a little while, that feeling like you…broke someone, even if unintentionally," Jane offered as her hands slid down Maura's body and wrapped around her waist pulling her close again. "I…don't expect anything from you, Maura."

Maura nodded and for the first time since the previous night, the faintest smile crept up on her. Her face drew closer and closer to Jane's and her eyes drifted shut as they traded anticipatory breaths. Reassuring breaths that helped validate her decision. Maura's hand found its way to Jane's chest, just above her heart. The soothing rhythm, an internal metronome, to her, Jane was steadfast. If Maura's life by outward appearances was perfectly regimented, structured to work and flow in absolute harmony and with the height of efficiency, how she felt inside, her most guarded secret, was that her emotional life was the direct opposite. A brutal storm, a lifetime of neglect, superficial attachment and a want and longing for more that was never satisfied or free of hurt. And Jane, who seemed to relish disarray, who was often unruly in appearance, neglectful of organization, and impulsive brought order to her chaos.

"Say it…please," Maura whispered timidly.

Jane's lips ghosted across her cheek and settled at the corner of her mouth, "I love you," she whispered back.

Lips melted together gently, the natural continuation through physical expression of the three words that lingered between them and all around them, most of all, within them. _I love you._ Jane's lips were on her cheek, and then her temple and then her forehead as they separated.

"We have to go to work," Jane lamented. Reality. Maura nodded, there was still guilt, but the void was gone.

Maura repacked their breakfast for the road and turned to see Jane standing with her hands shoved down her pockets, a contemplative look on her face. She cocked her head, "Jane?"

"We, uh…kind of skipped a few steps, but…I want to take you on a date…like a proper…" _Christ Rizzoli, what are you, thirteen? Ask her out like a grown-ass woman._ "Maura, would you go out to dinner with me this weekend?"

Maura giggled as her hand flew instinctively to her chest, her telltale sign of being touched, "Yes Jane, I'd love to go to dinner with you…on a date…a proper date."

"Oh, now you're just making fun of me," Jane quipped as she ushered them out the door.

* * *

><p><em>Shit.<em> It didn't even occur to her until the elevator doors began to open outside of Homicide. _Chris._ Jane squared her shoulders and proceeded towards her desk.

"Morning," Frost nodded to her as she entered, he was already standing in front of the board, reviewing the Plechenko case.

Jane stepped up next to him, hands on her hips, "Morning. Any midnight revelations?"

He laughed, "I wish. How many bodies are the feds gonna let this guy wrack up before they authorize a move?"

"The better question is," Chris turned around in her chair to face them, "when are we going to stop focusing on Plechenko and start looking for the girls?"

Jane quirked an eyebrow, "What?"

"You think this guy forged papers to sneak into the U.S. for what? To start a new life on the straight and narrow working at the Boston steelworks?" Chris laughed. "Coming here is a big risk, but with big risk comes even bigger payoffs. Plechenko could keep pedaling girls around the Ukraine, Russia, Eastern Europe, the Balkans but nothing compares to the bank Americans can front. He's got girls. The feds know it. They're already here."

Jane knitted her brow, "Dean did wax philosophic about justice for the women. I just assumed he meant the girls overseas. Everything we've been told by the feds is they suspected Plechenko was going to get started over here, not that he already had."

"Yeah, and the feds always tell the locals everything," Chris walked towards the bag of bagels Korsak had brought and began to slather one with cream cheese before joining Jane and Frost in front of the board. "Look, technically we don't know shit about human traffickers. The feds know that. So, they figure, use us a resource, make us feel like we're part of the team, but keep us in the dark about what they're really after…no Boston Barney Fife bumbling up their case. But, while we don't know slave traders, we do know drug dealers and why would a human trafficker act that much different than a dealer? Something has this Plechenko character spooked and now he's offing his associates. What does a dealer do when they think they've got a leak?"

Jane looked at the board, "Neutralize the leak and if necessary dump the product."

"Dump the product," Frost murmured.

"Fuck," Jane growled, "Frost, get Dean on the phone and get him down here. Time to come clean on this business."

"On it," Frost beat a hasty retreat back to his desk.

_Awkward._ Jane folded her arms and stole glances at Chris out of the corner of her eye.

"You got anything to say," Chris' voice was pointed and raw.

"Uh, that's a good theory about Plechenko."

"Not…what I meant," Chris brushed past her and headed out of the bullpen.

"Jesus," Jane muttered as she hesitantly followed. _She better not punch me again._ She followed Chris down the hallway and into the ladies' room.

"Damn Rizzoli, you the bathroom monitor now too? Should I have gotten a potty pass from Cavanaugh?" Chris threw her half-eaten bagel in the trash and rinsed her hands, shaking the excess water before grabbing a paper towel.

"What do you want!" Jane asked, gesturing wildly with her hands. "What!"

"I don't know!" Chris nearly shouted as she threw the paper towel in the trashcan followed by a swift kick to the aluminum that left a small dent. "I…Fuck! I just wanted something in my life to work out for once!" Her voice softened, "That's all I want…all I wanted. But there was you. And you know what really pisses me off?" Chris laughed. "I like you. Like, we could have been friends. Knocked back pitchers at the Robber, maybe hit a Pats or Celtics game. I asked you to tell me if you loved her, if you were going to get your shit together. So fucking stupid, of course you loved her, even with your head so far up your own ass it was so obvious you loved her. And I'm pissed at myself…for being a fucking idiot."

Jane laced her fingers behind her neck and looked up at the ceiling, "Damn," she muttered, "I'm an asshole."

Chris snorted, "What?"

"You know, I've never loved someone that didn't love me back. I never thought about you, hell, for a good part of this whole dance I wasn't even thinking about what I was doing to Maura," Jane ran one hand through her hair, "I wish I would have…to put it your way, had my head out of my ass that night at your apartment. I'm sorry…for that."

Chris sat on the edge of one of the sinks, "Don't. Don't apologize for that. I'm…just hurt, and taking it out on you."

"Think at some point, we could throw those pitchers back?" Jane smiled as she looked at Chris.

"I don't know."

Jane nodded, "For what it's worth, Homicide will miss you. You do good work."

"Thanks," Chris took a deep breath and let it out, "For what it's worth, I am glad I transferred here. I needed it…the time to get back in touch with my own motivations for working dogs. I guess if there's any kind of silver lining…"

"And we've still got a case to solve. Whaddya say? Go out with a bang and help us put an international fugitive where he belongs?" Jane stood and headed for the door.

"Jane," Chris called out. Jane turned. "You know, it would crush her if something happened to you…she can barely talk about you almost dying without nearly falling to pieces…" Chris pointed at her own side, "…so don't…you know, crazy shit like that again."

"Is that an order Sergeant?" Jane chuckled, an attempt to deflect the key insecurity that had made it so difficult to admit her love for Maura in the first place. The job was risky, her willful disregard for her own life that day aside, there was no way to account for the countless other human variables in any given situation. She'd dragged her family into that life, that state of perpetual fear. That she didn't want to do the same to Maura had only made the love she felt for her that much more acute.

"Yeah," Chris smiled, "No unnecessary risks. And, you know, you ever need SWAT or K-9 backup, ask for me."


	23. Olive

**Notes:** Sorry again for the delay! Midterm grading had me a bit occupied and I felt compelled to do an addition to one of my other fics. As a reward for your patience, here's a little bit longer chapter than usual.

**CH 23: Olive**

_Tap. Tap. Tap tap tap tap._ Jane paused and looked down at her desk, she could swear there was the slightest dent in the wood at the edge from the metal band at the top of her pencil.

"Beating that pencil half to death isn't going to make him get here any faster," Frost smiled as he jiggled his Cheetos bag, hoping that maybe, just maybe there was a hidden morsel still in the bottom.

Jane looked around at the empty bullpen. Everyone was gone, everyone but her and Frost, and he'd snagged the last bag of Cheetos from the vending machine. _Damn him._

The doors to the unit flew open, echoing through the emptiness as Gabriel Dean walked in. His tie was loosened and hanging slovenly around his neck, one corner of shirt was untucked. It gave Jane momentary pause. He looked like shit.

"Bout time," she growled, checking her watch.

Dean's face hardened, "Oh, my apologies…Detective, but the FBI doesn't exist to serve your beck and call," he gestured mockingly as if bowing before her.

"Don't even give me that bullshit Dean! If you hadn't kept us half in the dark…" Jane slammed her pencil down on the lip of the desk, accidentally snapping it in two.

He put his hands up apologetically, shaking his head before attempting to rub some of the exhaustion out of his eyes, "Jesus…look, ok, yeah we didn't brief you on everything we knew. It wasn't my call."

Jane rumpled her hair, everyone was cranky, everyone was on edge over this, "It's just…we've worked cases together before. You could have…gotten whoever's call it was to understand…we're good at our jobs, you know that."

Dean grabbed a chair and sat, "I do." _Sigh._ "How'd you find out?"

"We guessed," Frost jumped into the conversation.

Dean nodded, "Clark wasn't the only agent we had under. But he was the only one authorized to initiate contact. We have two other agents that are just supposed to provide intel and observation. Clark and our other agents had credible information that Plechenko was bringing in a group of girls, they were due to arrive about the time we lost contact with Clark."

Jane's brow furrowed, "Did they?"

"This is where it all goes to shit. We think so, but we can't confirm. That's why we kept you guys in the dark, something spooked Plechenko enough to kill Clark, we didn't want to risk sinking the whole operation and something happening to the girls."

Jane stood and walked to the board, eyeing the links they had mapped, "So, what do you say we try a new strategy and you fill us in completely and let us help…instead of being so sure we're going to screw everything up."

* * *

><p>Jane crawled wearily under the covers, groaning in satisfaction as her head sank into the pillow. She lifted up her cell and hit the speed dial.<p>

"Mmm…hello?" Maura's voice was groggy.

Jane winced, "Hey…were you asleep?"

"Yeah," Maura glanced over at her clock, "Not for long though. I was really tired. Are you just getting home?"

"Sorry, I wouldn't have called if I thought you were asleep. Yeah, Frost and I waited for Dean and he agreed to bring us in fully on the case, so we had a bunch of stuff to go over with him."

"I know you'll be glad when the case is over," Maura rolled onto her side, hand sliding across the empty stretch of bed. Not being alone had been so comforting, and now, even though she and Chris hadn't spent every night together…the absence of a body seemed so stark. She knew Jane would come over if she asked. She contemplated it momentarily. The sensation was strange: finally recognizing her love for Jane, wanting to be near her but knowing that a slower evolution to their newfound relationship was probably healthier.

"Yeah…just knowing what this guy does, taking advantage of vulnerable young women who feel like they have nowhere to go, no other option…it's disgusting. I want him off my streets."

Silence settled between them. Jane breathed and lapped up Maura's breaths in return, imagined that her gentle exhalations were ghosting across her ear and neck as her…friend?...girlfriend?...slept nestled into her side.

"Maur?"

"Yes, Jane?"

"We didn't get to talk much today. I just wanted to hear your voice."

Maura smiled, closing her eyes and letting the darkness wash over her. The room didn't feel so empty anymore. "I love you."

"Love you too," Jane smiled as she hung up.

* * *

><p>The days dragged on. Seemingly endless hours differentiated only by the rising and setting of the sun. Each new morning the proverbial "Groundhog Day," they all began the same. No girls. Couldn't nail Plechenko. <em>Maybe today<em>, had become Jane's awakening mantra.

"Finding bombs is so much easier than this," Chris laughed, eyes trained on the suspect board as she took the sub sandwich Korsak offered her. "Oh my God, is this a meatball spuckie?" She licked her lips as she inhaled the aroma swirling off the tightly wrapped bread bullet.

"From the best little sandwich shop in Boston!" Korsak smiled proudly as he disseminated the rest of the sandwiches and sat at his desk.

"I seem to recall…" Frost started, his mouth full, "…someone saying they find the hard cases fascinating."

"Touche," Chris countered.

Jane wiped her mouth and reached for her vibrating cell phone, "Rizzoli…yeah…holy shit! ETA? Frost and I will meet you there."

Frost followed Jane's lead and dropped his sandwich while reaching for his blazer, "What's up?"

"That was Dean. They've got one of the so-called buyers. They're en route to the Boston field office, we're going to meet them there, observe the interview."

Petrovski took a swig of his beer, face contorting as he eyed the glass, "How do you drink this shit?"

Chris chuckled into her brew, "Eh, you know Cap, every now and then I like a little bite." He shook his head as he dutifully downed another swig. "IPA's are good for that. And this one's called Flying Dog, it kind of gives me a chuckle," she winked.

"Well, I can think of some other things that are good for a bite…this short list of yours included," he flipped through the files again, demonstratively more so than searching for any additional information. "Some really good dogs on this list. Really good. Not a lot of departments would have been able to come up with the budget for some of these. Karl said a few of these are only for viewing because of the money we're working with…your favorite, Luc, for example. So, there's no guarantee. They may decide not to sell."

"They'll sell…or have you never seen me turn on my charm?" Chris smirked.

Petrovski raised an eyebrow, "No, no I can't say as anything _**I've**_ ever seen you…turn on…would qualify as charm. So, we can go anytime, do the scouts."

It was real. When the Captain first told her that the requisition was approved it had provoked a flurry of emotions. Everything culminated in the ultimate realization of what she was meant to do. What she truly wanted to do. And yet, in those first minutes, which turned into hours and then days and over a week her status in limbo only seemed that much more stark. A K-9 officer without a dog, neither a full member of her old unit nor the one she had been dabbling in to pass the time. That was going to change. Though her career would again seem right there was the continued sorrow that her time with Maura made her realize that the job alone wasn't enough to make her life whole. And that missing link couldn't be purchased.

"I…" Chris stared into the empty pint glass, the remnants of foam from the last mouthful sliding down the crystal cylinder, "…need to see this trafficking case wrapped with the feds first. I don't know why, I feel like…it's sort of the last chapter in this trial. They collared one of the buyers today and the girl he bought. They didn't give up any info on the other girls, the feds…Rizzoli…think they're telling the truth. But…I don't know, I feel it, like we're getting close. Rizzoli's got the weekend off, I said I'd work through it, be on call if anything breaks. I at least want to see the girls found."

"Not a problem. Shit, no one else can afford the dogs you wanna scout, this isn't time sensitive. See the case closed and then we'll finalize the travel plans." He downed the last of his beer and slammed the glass triumphantly to the table, "This round…a beer that tastes good."

* * *

><p>Jane stood in front of the mirror and ran her hands down the front of the olive green silk high-necked halter-top. The beading around the neckline was minimalist and blended in with the hue of the fabric, adding just the slightest sparkle. It suited her tastes when it came to dressing up, sleek and simple. The fabric was gathered in pleats starting at the neck and fell away into a billowy silhouette that on anyone not as tall and lanky as the detective would not be nearly as flattering.<p>

She turned to the side for a profile view, "I don't know," she muttered, biting her lip. "Maybe I should wear a dress?"

In typical Jane Rizzoli fashion, her date with Maura was only hours away and here she was, just then shopping for the right outfit. Only a real date with Maura would have Jane braving a Saturday shopping nightmare. But, wrapped up in the excursion was that niggling insecurity. _First…real…date._ She shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, looking down at the shirt and then back into the mirror. _What if it's awkward? What if the formality…extinguishes the spark? _ Jane turned around with a huff, running her hands through her hair.

"I mean…it's not like a real fancy place, it's nice…but…you know." She waited.

Rhiannon shook her head with a teasing smile, "You're ridiculous. And so much more of a girl than I imagined."

Jane scowled, "You're very helpful."

Purposeful hands grabbed Jane by the shoulders and spun her back around to face the mirror, "Do you _**want**_ to wear a dress?"

"No," Jane answered matter of factly, "I mean…it's not that I hate dresses, I mean…some of them are ok. But, I'm more comfortable in pants."

"Ok, then," Rhiannon fluffed the top. "These black pants, they fit you perfectly, this top, it's beautiful and very flattering. Maura will love it. And quit feeling guilty about taking the weekend off from that damn case. Christ, it's practically oozing out of you and it's not sexy. If you were working what would you be doing?"

Jane sighed, "Sitting in the bullpen, going over files, racking my brain trying to piece together connections.

"Mmhmm, sitting in the office, going over files….not taking a gorgeous woman out to dinner who you happen to be madly in love with. So…stop it." Rhiannon hauled off and smacked Jane across the butt, "Now! Shoes!"

* * *

><p><em>Confidence.<em> How had this woman managed to reduce her to this? The thought of her made her weak, the sensation starting in her stomach and radiating out threatening to fell her, expectation of the evening playing out perfectly rendered her more than visibly rattled. _Confidence, it's just a date…not like you haven't practically been on dates with her before._ This was highly unusual. If people that knew her could see her now they would be dumbstruck at the effect this one little date was having. She clenched and unclenched her fists, pausing to look at the small nail indentations in her palm. Her hands were very nearly clammy. _Not…sexy. Get yourself together._ She paced, eyeing the door. It wasn't going to open itself. Maura reached for the handle.

_Breathtaking. _ The dark night put Jane on display. There was only her backed by the black of evening, the porch light cascading down on her. A slight breeze rustled by fanning the silk top in wave after wave of rich olive. She reached up to tuck an errant strand of hair back behind her ear as she smiled.

Maura grinned, "You look beautiful," the words tumbled out with sincerity and she blushed at the forward greeting. She stepped aside so Jane could come in, "I just need to get my purse and jacket."

Jane chuckled at the compliment, "Just a good night's sleep and…this old thing?" she joked, running her hands down the front of the top.

Jacket donned and purse in hand Maura walked back to Jane who was still standing in front of the open door, "Shall we?"

There were words and then there was action. Jane was typically more comfortable with and thus favored the latter. The haunting taste of their kiss in her apartment that morning only a few days ago took control. Her brain barely had time to ponder the course her body had unilaterally chosen before her hands gripped Maura by the waist and their lips gently connected.

Stillness. That's what Jane's kiss gave her. It quieted the uncertainty and calmed the near frantic feeling she'd battled for hours. _Warm, she's so warm._ Maura wrapped her arms around Jane and smiled as their lips parted. Leaving her eyes closed for just an extra moment to savor the feel of the kiss.

"You look beautiful, too," Jane whispered as she leaned in for an extra, fleeting peck.

Their fingers laced together as they walked to the car.

"Sorry, if my hand is a little sweaty," Jane laughed with just a hint of embarrassment. There was no sense in trying to hide it.

Maura squeezed it even harder, "I couldn't tell."

* * *

><p>Any mutual fear over the potential awkwardness or unfamiliarity this new formality might introduce was short-lived. Every aspect of the evening proceeded with exactly the same connection they had built throughout their friendship; except, now there was a new and exciting intimacy that was unfettered by the banishment of denial and the freeing truth of admissions.<p>

Touches were no longer couched in thinly veiled excuses or explained away under the guise of friendly comfort. At times there was hesitancy, Jane still felt new with her sexual awakening and unsure of defining and assuming a particular role in the relationship dynamic. Maura made it easy. The reassuring touch of her hand, the calm of her smile, the way she leaned towards Jane at the martini bar after dinner – seeking contact, arm to arm or relaxing into Jane when she wrapped her up in a one-armed embrace. Maura felt her earlier lack of confidence slipping away with every time Jane laughed, with the jolt that ran down her neck each time Jane reached for her hair and tucked it behind her ear so she could lean in and whisper, with every soft touch of Jane's lips on her cheek.

"I have some beer…or wine," Maura offered as they walked laughing into her house.

"I can't believe that guy offered to buy us drinks if we'd make out. I had it on good authority that was a classy establishment," Jane chuckled, reaching for Maura's arm before she could make her way to the kitchen. "I've had enough to drink tonight."

Their lips crashed together with a raw passion as they stumbled towards the sofa and sat, fingers tangled in hair and gripping at backs. Confidence. Maura moaned as Jane took the lead, letting her mouth be claimed and then relishing the thrill as Jane let her take control. They teetered back and forth between that give and take until lips and tongues slowed simultaneously and then stopped. They pulled only the barest of distance apart. Enough for Jane to look down with smoldering brown eyes and watch as the tip of Maura's tongue darted out only enough to taste the essence of the kiss left on her lips.

"Jane…"

"Hmm?" came the sultry rumble as lips puckered and placed light kisses on the corner of Maura's mouth and along her jaw.

"Will you be upset if I ask that we take things a little slow?" Maura tightened her grip on the warm body in her hands; her heart skipped wondering if Jane would pull away.

"Why would I be upset?"

Jane's hands were soft and allaying on her face. Maura felt pliable in their trust. She relaxed with a smile as strong thumbs stroked across her cheeks.

Maura opened her eyes and let her own hand caress and rest flat against Jane's cheek, "I love you."

"I love you too."

"I need distance from my relationship with Chris…so that, so that we're really free to be more." Maura hoped the words made sense.

Jane nodded, "I understand. Does slow mean I can't kiss you?"

Maura laughed and shook her head, whispering, "No," as their lips connected briefly.

"Jane…will you stay here tonight? Maybe that sounds strange given what I just said, but will you stay with me, like…"

Jane smiled, "Like we used to?"

Maura stood and reached for Jane's hand, "Yes." _Please._

Jane was on her feet in a flash and allowing Maura to lead her to the bedroom, "Maur? Does slow mean I can't…hold you, while we sleep?"

Maura stopped, spinning surprisingly quick in her heels as she melted into Jane's body, their lips tying them together until Maura finally pulled away, "No."


	24. White Hot

**Author's notes:** I'll just…be over here hiding behind the couch.

**CH 24: White Hot**

Weight. Sometimes, you want to feel weight. That sense of being grounded that holds you in place. Intangible things can have weight. Words for instance. The night Jane told Maura she loved her for the first time she was surprised. People always say revealing a hard kept secret or making a tough admission releases you, lifts a burden: takes the weight away. Maybe it did, in a manner of speaking. The weight, that heavy and suffocating grip that had taken up residence in her chest collapsing in on her heart from the pressure had indeed been gone. But when she went to sleep that night there was a weight that hung onto her, surrounded her. It was comforting. It swaddled her in a sense of rightness. Peace.

Jane's eyes fluttered open to a different sensation of weight. Actual weight. A body. Warm and resting on top of her. Maura. She turned her head and let her cheek rest against Maura's forehead, held her own breath so she could feel Maura's rolling across her neck, tightened her left arm around the small midsection that was partially atop her and moved her right hand to stroke the honey brown hair back from Maura's face.

Maura was like a heat-seeking missile when someone was in the bed with her. She gravitated towards them. Until the previous night, with Jane, it was always gradual and restrained: as if her body subconsciously laid and abided by arbitrarily sleep-defined boundaries. Closer and closer she would inch and in the morning, if Jane happened to awaken before her, she would find Maura curled up very near her side, but rarely touching her. Maura's subconscious had imposed no such restraint in her sleep this time. Her face was pressed tightly into the crook of Jane's neck, the left half of her body resting lightly on the left half of Jane's, her arm slung across Jane's torso and one of Jane's legs wrapped up in the serpentine of her own.

"Mmm," Maura hummed, tickling Jane's neck and causing her to giggle, jostling Maura further into consciousness.

"Comfy?" Jane queried, placing light kisses on the small bit of Maura's forehead she could reach given her slightly encumbered position. Maura merely nodded, her hand sliding under the short sleeve of Jane's t-shirt to caress the skin on her shoulder.

"Is this position what I have to look forward to every night?" Jane chuckled, her hand trailing down the creamy silk of Maura's top until it found a little patch of skin at her lower back to stroke.

Maura opened her eyes and finally took note of her position. She lifted her head, "I can get up if…"

Jane seized the opportunity, fingers burrowing into Maura's hair as she pulled her forward and into a kiss, "Didn't say I was uncomfortable," she clarified with a smile.

"Did you sleep ok?" Maura asked as she settled back down onto Jane.

"I can only think of one night in recent memory when I slept better…" Jane paused, rolling them until they were on their sides facing each other. "The night I told you I loved you," her arm wrapped around Maura's body and pulled them flush together, lips brushing each time one exhaled, "I slept great that night. I felt free and for some reason I just knew things were going to be ok."

Maura gathered Jane's dark hair and pushed it back off of her face and neck, "I didn't sleep at all that night," she chuckled.

"I'm sure it was a different feeling for you, than it was for me," Jane pushed Maura over onto her back and buried her face in the silky softness of Maura's neck. "Your turn to be the pillow."

* * *

><p>Chris eyed the extra latte Agent Dean had brought to the bullpen. The one he had offered her but that she had refused. Thursday. Another week. Damn near another week had passed. She sighed and walked to the cup holder on Jane's desk where Dean was sitting and lifted the still warm beverage.<p>

Frost raised an eyebrow, "I thought you didn't drink coffee?"

"I hate coffee," Chris said with a resigned voice.

Dean pointed at the cup, "It's a latte actually. I didn't know what you liked so I figured something sweet was better than black and bitter. It does have a double shot in it."

"Good," Chris sighed as she took a swig, "I need the caffeine."

"Whoa!" Jane laughed as she walked in, "Who got Kelly to drink coffee?"

"This fucking case," Chris growled with exasperation.

"Nothing's keeping you here, you can transfer out anytime."

Chris paused, "No…I mean…I said I would see the case through and I want to, it's just…"

"Frustrating," Jane finished, her voice understanding as she walked up to her and gave her a playful swat on the arm. "A lot of our cases are, and very few of them are sprints. Sometimes you just gotta settle in for the long haul."

Chris sat on the corner of her desk, "It's a different pace I guess. You know, when we come in on a case in K-9…it's like…well, you saw what it was like."

Jane nodded, her eyes glancing towards the picture of Grecco that sat on Chris' desk, "We're gonna get him."

* * *

><p>"Friday night plans?" Chris' voice drifted in from the doorway.<p>

Maura looked up from her desk. Weight. The intangible kind: the tense weight that some people's presence brings to a room. They hadn't spoken, not really spoken since that night. Their interaction had been strictly collegial; Chris set that tone and Maura didn't know what else to do but mimic it.

"I believe everyone is going to the Robber later. Aren't you joining us?" Maura stood and walked halfway across the room towards her.

"Oh, yeah I think Jane mentioned something about that yesterday. No, I'm not going. Poker night, Petrovski is hosting. His wife, Meg, makes a killer batch of Margaritas," Chris laughed, "like, put you under the table Margaritas. I cut mine with a little sprite, let the guys get good and sloshed and then take 'em for everything they've got."

Maura giggled at the thought. "Would you…like to come in?" she motioned towards the sofa in her office.

Hesitation. Chris glanced down at the floor and then over her shoulder before slowly walking in, a bag in hand. "I found some of your things…that you had left at my apartment." She held the bag out.

"Oh," Maura took it, "thank you."

"A couple pairs of your pajamas, a bracelet…" Chris slowly took a seat on the sofa as Maura sat next to her.

"I was wondering where that was," Maura smiled.

"It was…" Chris chuckled, "…under one of the couch cushions, I think you were wearing it the night we…um," she laughed again, "I guess it fell off or something."

Maura laughed as she rooted through the bag to see what the other items were. _The night we were both a little intoxicated and tried to fool around on your sofa until we both fell off._ She pulled out the pair of boxer dog sleep shorts that she had chosen the first night she had stayed over and smiled.

"If you don't want them…" Chris reached for the shorts, "…it's silly I probably shouldn't have put them…"

Maura's fingers were soft and warm on her wrist as she stopped her from taking the pajamas, "No, I…I want them," her voice was quiet, "thank you." She folded the shorts and went to place them back in the bag when a photograph caught her eye.

"That…" Chris swallowed and looked down as she clasped her hands together, "…remember that day, we took the picnic and Kelso and Mik to the park?"

Weight. The internal kind spurred by a memory that settles heavy inside of you. Everything in the body melts towards the center and squeezes in around the heart. Regret. Guilt. Sadness.

"I was messing around with my camera…I don't think you knew I was taking pictures of you."

Maura sniffled and shook her head no as she looked at the picture, running her finger over Kelso, the breeze was blowing her hair back as she sat on a blanket in the grass, Kelso asleep with his head in her lap and Mik sitting next to her, his good side towards the camera with Maura's arm wrapped around his body.

"I was looking through the camera card the other day and found it…" Chris stood, "…you don't have to keep it…if you don't want it. It's just a picture, I mean you can…throw it away if…"

Jane burst into Maura's office. She paused as she saw her startled girlfriend reach quickly to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye. But, there was no time for that. She turned her attention to Chris, "Agent tailing Plechenko followed him down to a warehouse at the port, called in shots fired and now isn't answering his phone. We gotta go, like…Now!"

Chris streaked out of the office to retrieve her gun.

"Come on Maur, ride with us, just in case, and if we need it, we'll have your assistant bring the van."

* * *

><p>"What the…" Dean exclaimed as they pulled up to the port warehouse, which was now thoroughly surrounded by BPD patrol cars and port authority law enforcement. Dean flashed his badge as they made their way towards what appeared to be the man in charge; at least, the man who had assumed charge.<p>

"Gabriel Dean, FBI," he pointed to his cohort, "Detectives Rizzoli and Frost, Sergeants Korsak and Kelly, Boston Homicide. We got a call from an undercover agent…"

"Sam Butler," the man pointed to his ID badge, "Port Authority, we had security in the area, heard shots. Called in my guys, we surrounded the building, called in BPD. When the unis arrived we made entry. One body; didn't find anybody else."

"Dammit!" Dean growled, kicking at imaginary rocks in frustration. "Ok, get your port guys back. BPD Homicide will get patrol back. You say you secured the building?" Butler nodded. "Have your guys start making a sweep through this sector for any unauthorized personnel."

Maura knelt by the body.

"David Swearingen," Dean muttered from pursed lips.

"I'll get him back to the morgue, we'll do our best to get you something concrete, Gabriel."

Dean nodded, "I know you will." He turned, "Ok, Rizzoli, it's a big warehouse…and not that I don't trust the port authority or your patrol, but let's take a look a around."

Maura watched as they disappeared into the bowels of the warehouse. _At least…at least you probably went quickly. Didn't have to drown_, she mused while combing the body for any trace evidence to collect before transport. "Who did you see?" The barely there scruff of beard that David had been cultivating didn't do much to hide his boyish features. "Was it him?" she whispered.

She worked methodically, no fold of fabric unchecked. It was easy to get lost in a body with a case like this when everyone's frustration was running high, when the desire to see the perpetrator brought to justice became so strong that each new victim burned into the self, wrested emotion from otherwise professional demeanors.

Weight. The only guns Maura had any direct experience with were the various service pistols the officers carried. The average weight of one of their semi-automatic hand guns, depending on make and model was between 900 and 970 grams. She closed her eyes and held her breath as she felt the cold steel of a gun muzzle push through her hair and butt against her head. Metal against thinly sheathed bone.

"Stand," his voice was gruff and his accent heavy.

Maura obeyed, rising as her hands trembled, "I'm just the Medical Examiner…there are officers all throughout the building and surrounding this warehouse…"

"Shut up," he spat.

"You're going to want to put that gun down."

Maura shrieked as Plechenko grabbed her and pulled her in front of him, gun to her temple as he faced Chris Kelly.

Tears trickled down her cheeks as she watched Chris inch towards them.

"Plechenko?" Chris' voice was surprisingly calm as she kept her approach slow, her weapon aimed at them. "Let her go, put down the weapon and get on the ground."

"Don't come any closer," he growled.

"Let…her…go…and put down your weapon," Chris' voice grew increasingly intense and demanding, her body unwavering as she continued to approach: one foot, methodically stepping front of the other.

He turned the weapon on her, "I will fucking shoot you…and then I will shoot her."

"You'll shoot me?" The corner of Chris' mouth turned up as she goaded him, "is that so?"

His hand shook as he kept the gun trained at Chris, "You fucking crazy cop, I will fucking shoot you!"

_Good, keep it pointed at me._ Chris watched as Plechenko's finger tightened on the trigger. "Still Maura…" It was barely audible, but loud enough. Maura summoned every ounce of strength she had as she froze, closing her eyes.

_Bang._

Curious. Maura didn't feel it as the bullet tore through her. Only the white-hot searing pain afterwards as her body collapsed in seeming slow motion to the ground.

_Bang. Bang. Bang._ The staccato pops of multiple gunshots.

An eternity lived in mere seconds.

She landed on her knees, reaching instinctively towards the pain, the burning, which ran from her neck into her shoulder. Weight. The sound of bodies falling heavy to the concrete floor: Chris in front of her and Plechenko behind her. _Thud. Thud._ Followed by the clang and scratch of two guns hitting the cement and falling free from loose fingers.

Weight. The white-hot oppressive weight of gasping breaths.

* * *

><p>So, I just got on this new fangled tumblr business ;) If anyone is interested: .com Also, you can find me on twitter: TtownAmstaff<p> 


	25. Drops of Crimson

**Notes:** Many thanks for all the reviews. I realize a bit of the last scene in CH 24 was slightly confusing as to what happened in the shoot out. All should be cleared up here. I felt bad leaving you all hanging and since I won't have a chance to write until the end of the week I went ahead and got this chapter out of my head and on the page. This Chapter is definitely in the Mature category.

**CH 25: Drops of Crimson**

_SHOTS FIRED! SHOTS FIRED! OFFICER DOWN!_

The voices filled the space around her. Hollow. They echoed from all directions, reverberating tin can-toned voices. Maura pulled her hand down and looked at her palm. Red all over. She closed her eyes and tried to will the trembles away.

"Maura! Maura!"

_Jane._ Her eyes flew open as she gasped. Jane's hands were on her, on her face, reaching for the bloody bullet hole, pulling her close.

"Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ Maura tell me what to do," the look in her brown eyes was panicked, nearly feral.

"Get the Goddamn EMTs here NOW!" Frost yelled as he kneeled over Chris.

Reality. It all came crashing back. Loud, stark, chaotic reality. The thunderous melee of footsteps and shouting.

"Chris," Maura asked trying to peer around Jane.

"Tell me what to do…for you," Jane repeated.

Maura let her hand wander back to the entry wound as she tested the range of motion in her left arm. She winced; the pain was sharp, but she could move it, the bullet hadn't hit bone. "It's…it's not that bad."

"Jane! Jane, I need some help over here!" Frost's voice quivered and broke as he called out.

Chris gasped for breath, tears streaking fiery trails down her cheeks. Fire. Her whole body was on fire. _Maura…Maura._ She thought she was saying the words, it sounded like they were coming out of her mouth however garbled and pushed out by bloody air bubbles, she had to get them out. She had to know. _Be ok._

Her voice was barely audible; Jane had to lean down to hear her. "She'll be ok," Jane whispered, taking a deep breath as she tried to quell the brewing tears, she placed her hands over the wound in Chris' chest and pressed down, chanting a string of apologies in her head as her colleague's already pained face contorted in anguish.

The coughing fit was violent, blood hacking out in mucousy bubbles – bursting and spreading the crimson drops over her pale skin, her face strained fighting the pain and the desperate desire for a full breath. _Breathe. Breathe!_ Chris' fingers curled into her palm, her back arched as she struggled against the blood filling her lung.

Maura was next to them, kneeling and Jane saw a look she knew she had only seen but once before. The sidewalk had been hard and rough and the sun blinded her momentarily until Maura's face had blocked it, tears streaking down her face as she reached for the wound in her side. _Stay with me, Jane. Stay with me._

No one had tried to protect Maura from that sight that day. Someone had to now. "You don't need to see this…" Jane blurted out, "Frost, get her out of here, now!"

It didn't register at first, the arms that wrapped around her. Maura only registered what was happening when she was on her feet and Frost was trying to pull her away.

"NO!" Maura yelled; turning in Frost's arms she pounded her fists into his chest. She couldn't feel it, couldn't feel the force of her own blows against him, didn't hear the sound of the thud as she struck him with all her strength. Her own wound no longer throbbed. The only sensation was the electric terror that settled into her chest. Chris was dying.

"I need to be there!" She yelled. Frost paused, looking into her bloodshot hazel eyes that flared with burning green embers. "Please…" Maura whispered through sobs, "I need to be there." He let her go.

Chris shook her head, looking at Jane, her eyes pleading. _Don't let her…don't let her see me like this._

"I know," Jane whispered, "I know."

Maura's hands were soft on her face. Chris closed her eyes, tried to let the feel of them take over, replace the burn that was threatening to tear her apart. Pain. There was only pain. Breathing was growing more difficult. Her mind flashed to the case for a moment and she couldn't believe she was going to spend her last minutes thinking about that bastard Plechenko. It was only fitting she figured. How she had lived her life, the priorities she had set. It was only fitting to go like this. But, it wasn't a comfort. Her direction had only recently become clear and now…now it was all being taken away.

The bullet felt heavy inside, tentacles reaching out and coiling around her, dragging her under. _This is what drowning feels like._

"Maur," Jane let the tears fall as she looked at Maura, then back to the struggling form under her hands and back to Maura, "Maur…don't…you don't want to see…"

"No one should be alone," Maura's voice was faint, her fingers combing through sweat dampened copper tresses. She didn't want to see it. The image of Jane still haunted her and Jane had lived. She didn't want to see this.

"I'll stay," Jane reassured her.

Maura nodded, trying to compose herself just one second longer she leaned down, her eyes closing as more tears clawed out when she heard the barely wheezing breaths.

"Look at me," Maura whispered, waiting until Chris forced her eyes open. "I love you."

Chris' body trembled; the only part not on fire was the small patch of skin on her forehead where Maura's lips were pressed. And then she was gone. Her eyes connected with Jane. _Thank you._

She tried to take another breath. More coughing, more blood. _Let it go._

"No!" Jane shook her, forcing Chris' weary eyes to flutter open. "No! Don't you give up! Not like this!" A single tear carved its way down the bridge of her nose, lingering on the tip before falling to the top of her palm that was pressed into the blood drenched fabric of Chris' blouse. "You are stronger than that bullet." _Don't let go._

* * *

><p>Soft. Each pass of Jane's thumb across her cheek, wiping away individual tear by individual tear felt like silk. Maura sniffled, opening her eyes she tried to manage a small smile. <em>Ow.<em> She winced. The strokes stilled as Jane held her face.

"I know," Jane's voice was low and raw. Her throat felt like sandpaper from crying and her side ached in sympathy.

"You were exceptionally lucky," the doctor remarked, tying off the last suture of the bullet's exit wound. "The bullet's trajectory…" she continued as she moved out of the way to allow the nurse to bandage the wounds, "took it through the upper most part of the trapezius muscle. A millimeter lower and the best case scenario would have been a shattered clavicle, worst case we could have been looking at far more damage."

"Do I need to stay overnight, or can I go home?" Maura leaned back in the gurney.

"I don't see any reason to keep you overnight, we'll send you home with a sling and some pain medication. You can follow up with your regular physician," the doctor smiled pleasantly, her hand squeezing Maura's forearm comfortingly, "Sit tight and we'll get you discharged as soon as possible."

* * *

><p>"This poses a problem," Jane mused aloud as she stood at the bottom of the stairs in her apartment building. Maura groaned and leaned into her side as Jane tightened her grip around her waist.<p>

"I think the pain pill is making me a little dizzy," Maura closed her eyes and let her head fall to Jane's shoulder.

"Now you know why I didn't like taking them," Jane sighed and pressed her lips to the crown of Maura's head. "116 lbs right?"

"Hmm?"

Jane chuckled, "Ok, good arm around my neck…"

"You can't possibly carry me up the stairs…" Maura faintly protested.

"Wanna bet?"

* * *

><p>"This isn't how I imagined undressing you for the first time," Jane quipped trying to impart a little humor to the darkness that hung around them as she unbuttoned her shirt, which she had willingly given over to Maura at the hospital.<p>

Shirt removed, her fingers grazed across the bandages, over the rise of Maura's shoulder and then lightly down her forearm until she clasped both of Maura's hands and brought them to her lips.

"I'm sorry," Jane whispered, gently pulling Maura into an embrace. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"It's no one's fault," Maura mumbled into Jane's neck. "He was going to shoot us both, she didn't have a choice. She probably saved my life."

Jane pulled back, nodding, "It's just…If I could have been there, maybe…"

Soft. Maura's lips pressed lightly to her own. "You can't always be there to save me."

_I know._ Jane cocked her head as she nodded, "…but I want to be."

* * *

><p>Maura wiped more tears away as she settled into bed. Jane crawled in next to her a few minutes later, her arm threading under Maura's neck to cradle her head as her other hand stroked through her hair.<p>

She understood now. She understood pure unadulterated panic and terror. The sound of the shots echoing through the warehouse felt every bit as painfully real as being shot. Her body seized with each pop. Memories flooded back, long forgotten phrases she didn't know she even remembered hearing. _I couldn't get there in time…I couldn't get there in time_, Maura chanted over and over, her voice weighted with horror as she kneeled next to her, or was it in the ambulance? Slow motion. The shots rang out and she ran; ran to where she had last seen Maura and she swore she would never get there. _I'm the one who was shot!_ Her mantra for months after; as if no one else had a valid reason to dwell on the incident. _Selfish._ Maura on her knees; blood seeping through her white blouse…_NO!_ She understood now.

"I know how you felt…when I shot myself."

Maura nodded.

"I never really understood before. When I saw you like that today…" Jane wiped at her eyes as she tried to compose herself, "You said please don't leave me, over and over. I didn't even remember until today that I heard it. I was lying on the sidewalk and then you were there, I could feel your hands and you said please don't leave me. And today, all I could think was, no, you can't leave me like this."

Maura rolled onto her side facing Jane, her hand resting on a damp cheek as she pulled Jane into a kiss. It was light at first, almost hesitant, but she let it grow. And it spoke. Words of emotion spoken through action. _Don't leave me._

Jane's eyes remained closed as the kiss waned; she counted the breaths that ghosted lightly across her face, "Maura…I need to ask you something."

"Anything."

"Did you mean it? When you told Chris you loved her."

Maura eased Jane onto her back and hovered over her, "I…No, not I like love you. She was dying and…"

Jane's fingers again found tears, wiping them from Maura's face as she pulled Maura down to rest on top of her, "Shh. I'm sorry. I understand."

"I didn't want her to feel alone."

* * *

><p>"Maur…Maur…Maura…" Jane tried to gently shake Maura awake in the breaking light of the early morning.<p>

Maura gasped as she awakened from the dream, her body jerking up causing her to reach for her shoulder in pain.

"Hey, easy," Jane sat up pulling Maura into her lap, "easy, it was just a dream."

"I heard shots. I was all alone. You were gone, you were really gone and I was alone…" Maura sniffled.

"You're not alone. I'm right here." Jane took Maura's hands and brought them to her face, "See? Right here. With you." She pulled the neck of her shirt down and placed Maura's hand over her heart, "Feel that? Right here. With you."

Maura nodded, the tips of her fingers curling into Jane's skin, she closed her eyes and let the soft drumming of the heart only inches below pulse up through flesh and bone through her fingertips to travel to her own center. It was improbable, if not impossible, but Maura swore their hearts beat to the same rhythm.

"Right here. With you." Jane whispered as she leaned forward capturing Maura's lips.

Maura moved to straddle Jane's lap, her hand still pressed tightly over Jane's heart which began to beat with a stronger, quicker cadence, "I need to feel your skin," she pleaded.

Need. The word dug deep, reached into Jane and squeezed. She stared back into Maura's eyes. Need. They begged. Her fingers toyed with the hem of her shirt.

"Please…" Maura mouthed.

Jane slowly lifted the shirt and tossed it aside. Maura's hand immediately settled back over her heart, the other resting softly over the raised line of scar tissue on her side. She reached for her own tank top strap and began to pull it down over the bandages.

"Maura…" Jane tried to stop her, but Maura pushed back, dragging the strap down until she could easily free her arm. She reached for the other.

"Maura…" Jane protested feebly one more time.

"I need to feel your skin against mine…please…help me."

Jane reached for the tank and pulled it over Maura's head. Her hands trembled as they settled lightly on Maura's neck and then caressed downward, noting the contrast of silky skin and the rise of collarbones, down…cupping two full breasts as her thumbs circled over Maura's nipples before continuing around to Maura's back and pulling her forward.

Forehead to forehead, their breasts pressed together and every inch of Maura's bare back being explored by Jane's reassuring touch, "Like this?" Jane whispered as she turned her head to kiss the warm pulse in Maura's neck.

"Yes…"

"Right here. With you." Jane repeated, her tongue parting Maura's lips eliciting a moan.

"Closer," Maura whimpered; grasping Jane's hand and pushing it down past the waistband of her underwear.

Jane paused, resisting the new direction, "I don't want the first time to be when you're in pain."

Maura nuzzled Jane's cheek, kissing down to the corner of her mouth, "I don't feel any pain under your touch…Be with me…please." _I need you._

Jane pushed inside, her arm tightening around Maura's back, "I love you," she whispered into Maura's mouth, kissing her fully as she stroked.

"I love you," Maura panted.

Need. Jane closed her eyes as Maura entered her, matching her rhythm. The sound of breaths, light sensuous breaths traded back and forth. She opened her eyes as she came, fingers gripping desperately at Maura's back; she smiled as Maura clenched around her in turn, her body trembling until it slumped forward melting into her. Jane wrapped both of her arms around Maura, drinking in her warmth and the grounding weight of her body as she placed slow and purposeful kisses to her temple and cheek. Her lips danced back and forth across smooth skin as the body in her embrace continued to relax, moulding to her own shape, becoming an integrated part of her own physical being.

"Don't leave me," Maura kissed her neck as she wrapped her right arm around Jane's back to anchor them further together.

"I'm right here."

"With me."

"With you," Jane reiterated, rubbing her back.


	26. Pthalocyanine

**Notes:** This story is coming to end, there will be 1 more chapter. See further author's notes at the end.

**CH 26: Pthalocyanine**

…_already dead. No! Bang._ Jane's eyelids twitched. A falling body, but not her own. Panic. _Maura!_

Jane awoke with a gasp, her arms constricting around the form that was still nestled in her lap where they had fallen back asleep. _Still here_. She let her cheek rest against Maura's face, her hand stroking through unruly honey brown hair and down a bare back before repeating the motion. With each caress the nightmare slipped further and further away, the chest-gripping panic from the bad dreams that usually overtook her for hours dissipated.

Jane fought the chuckle that wanted to distract her from her reminiscing and felt tears replace it as her face began to burn. She buried her fingers in Maura's hair.

"I remember the first time you touched me," Jane whispered. _Well, shaking your hand when we first met aside._ "It was during that case, like the third or fourth one we'd worked together. Rape homicide of that little 10 year old girl. Case was going to hell and I was so frustrated, so angry. You put your hand on my arm…" Jane let her fingers lightly stroke up and down Maura's arm, from her shoulder all the way to her wrist and back up. "…and suddenly I wasn't so angry anymore. You always do that; give me that peace. You make me a better person, Maura. And soon…soon I'll have the courage to tell you that when you're awake."

Broken silence. Jane reached for her ringing cell on the bedside table as Maura stirred, humming her displeasure at the jarring noise into Jane's neck.

"Rizzoli…yeah, thank God," she hugged Maura tightly, kissing her temple. "How long? Ok, yeah, I'll get dressed and meet you down there."

"Who was that?" Maura asked, kissing Jane's neck and shoulder but making no further move to get up.

"Dean…they found the girls. They're en route to the hospital; he said their condition is decent. They've called in translators. I said I'd meet him down there."

Maura sat up, her hand mapping the warm and flushed part of Jane's chest where they had been pressed together, "I need to go too."

Jane nodded.

"Jane?" Maura's hands cupped her face as she leaned in to press their lips together, "You make me a better person too."

* * *

><p>For someone with a medical degree she was growing to hate hospitals. The only pleasant memory of a hospital in recent time she could conjure recollection of was holding that baby in the NICU. Tragic circumstances aside, the baby represented life and new beginnings. Every other time, there was only pain. The pain of those she cared about, her own pain. Her wound throbbed as she thought about it.<p>

The familiar blip of vital sign monitors gave her pause as she entered the room. _Deep breath._ She willed herself forward.

"Can I help you?" the seated man stood. Maura took him in, his strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes. _Her eyes. They have the same eyes._

"I came by to see Chris," Maura slowly walked towards the bed.

He had a pleasant smile as he stepped forward and extended his hand, "Cael Kelly, Chris' brother."

"Maura Isles…" she wasn't sure how much to say. Chris hadn't spoken of her brother much and when she did it wasn't with any degree of closeness or particular affection.

"You'll have to forgive me, Chris…she doesn't really…we don't talk a lot. I don't really know her friends." Cael looked at his sister, and then eyed the ventilator, listening to the steady hiss of its rhythm. "I…I'd like that to be different. I hope…"

Maura smiled at him reassuringly as her hand reached for Chris' fingers; she lifted the limp limb and let her other hand stroke lightly up and down the underside of Chris' forearm. _You always liked it when I did this. It's me. I'm here._

Cael watched. _Oh._ "Are you her…? Sorry, that's probably none of my business…"

"It's ok," Maura lifted Chris' hand and placed a light kiss to the back of her palm, "We were…involved; but, not anymore. I was there when this happened. She…" Tears welled up behind her eyes as she sniffled, "…she saved my life."

"Would you like some time alone? I'd actually really like to run grab some coffee…if you wouldn't mind staying with her?"

Maura nodded as she managed a smile. "Cael? Has she woken up at all?"

He walked to the side of the bed and placed his hand on Chris' shoulder, "For a few minutes, early this morning…but, she…I don't know it was like she didn't know where she was and she was trying to pull out the breathing tube. The nurses came in and sedated her. The doctors hadn't expected she would regain consciousness so soon. But, that's my sister I guess." Cael laughed, "She's never been one to abide by expectations."

"Waking up from anesthesia, particularly after trauma can be very disorienting. I'll be happy to stay with her, take as long as you need." Maura waited until he left and then sat on the bed.

She closed her eyes. _Let her go and put the gun down…Still Maura._ More tears. Her thumb ghosted across Chris' cheek as she leaned forward, her lips finding the same spot on Chris' forehead that she had kissed when she thought it was the last time. "I knew…I knew you wouldn't let him hurt me."

Chris' body jerked as Maura leaned back. Her head tossed back and forth a few times, muscles trembling as her eyelids fought the leaden weight of the drugs coursing through her veins. Her eyes flashed open suddenly, slow to adjust to the light, the hand held firmly in Maura's grasp clamped down and pulled as her other hand flew instinctively to the frightening sensation of the ventilator taped to her face.

Maura stopped her before she could get a hold on the tube and pulled both of Chris' hands to her chest as she leaned forward again, "Shhh. Shhh."

Chris continued to struggle, the monitor to her right growing more erratic as her heart rate accelerated.

"Still Chris. Shhh," Maura soothed. "Listen to my voice. Trust me. Still. You're ok." Maura felt the vice grip of Chris' clenched and curling fingers begin to relax. "You're ok. Look at me. You're ok."

Their eyes met. Maura released one of Chris' hands, watching confused blue eyes track the movement of her hand as she again reached to stroke her face. Her hand free, Chris let her fingertips wander carefully over the breathing tube.

"You're in the hospital. You're on a ventilator. Do you remember...?"

Chris nodded as she reached for the spot on Maura she remembered seeing blood. _He was going to kill them. He was going to shoot her first and then Maura. If she got shot first…_that was what raced through her mind in the seconds before she pulled the trigger._ There won't be enough time for someone to get here before he kills her. Still Maura. Bang._

Maura's lips were soft and comforting at the corner of her eye. But for every tear that Maura kissed away, one of her own fell to Chris' cheek. "I know," she whispered, "I know."

"Hey…"

Maura turned as she felt Jane's hand come to rest on her back.

Everything felt heavy. Chris tried to fight it. That same sensation of drowning, the horrible feeling of being pulled under. She didn't want to be dragged back into the abyss: the dark, blue inky abyss of unconsciousness. _Awake…stay awake._ Her body was betraying her, again. This was the worst part, slipping away, the powerlessness of biology over mind and the uncertainty of waking back up.

Maura's voice was calm, her fingers tranquilizing as they combed through her hair, "Just sleep. You're going to be ok."

_Still._

Chris' eyes closed but before she let go she could feel Jane's presence leaning down closer to her, the actual touch was light on her chest but it felt eerily like the same amount of pressure that Jane had applied in the warehouse, "I told you that you were stronger than that bullet."

* * *

><p>Maura circled her hand through the water, listened to the warm waves lap against the side of the tub. She was tired of crying and yet there seemed to be no end to it. The puzzle of the job was what drew her to the field: the challenge the mystery. That was all well and good until it was no longer possible to compartmentalize: emotions locked away and tied up nicely in one box, cases – the connectionless body puzzles that sat on her slab in the morgue in another. Now, an aspect of the cases had emotional substance, actual relationships with living people were involved. That was new, and terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. And therein lay the rub; it was impossible to disentangle the fear from the emotional satisfaction of closeness that nurtured her in a way theretofore unknown. She couldn't go back, forsake the friendships and abandon love. <em>Abandon love.<em> That thought, above all else was patently unacceptable.

There was a soft rap at the door as Jane called out to her from the other side. Hearing Maura grant her the ok, she entered slowly, making her way to the tub and sitting down in the floor as she propped her elbow on the slick and steamy porcelain edge.

"You're going to get all pruney," Jane smiled as she reached out and ran her fingers along the still damp tear trails on Maura's cheek. "What are you doing?"

"Thinking," Maura replied, taking Jane's hand and pulling it to her lips for a quick kiss before holding it to her cheek for support.

"About?"

"Everything," Maura let out with a gust of breath and a slight laugh, "everything that my life has become since I came to BPD. All of these relationships and feelings I never thought I would have. All of the ways it frustrates me because of how it has completely altered my approach to work. And yet, all of the reasons why I could never go back to how I lived or the person I was before."

Jane stood and held open a towel as Maura stepped out of the bath and into her embrace.

"Chief amongst those reasons, the recognition of how much I love you. And how much hearing you say those words in return means. That is worth everything to me. Every trial, every unknown, every sleepless night and every potential one when you're working. All worth it, all worth a moment like this…standing here, in your arms."

Maura kept her eyes closed but let Jane's soft touch lift her chin until she felt their lips melt together. The soothing warmth of the kiss quieted the dissonance Maura had been battling in her head. Jane was with her, all around her, the essence of her inside her.

"I'm sorry…" Maura whispered as they pulled apart, "I'm sorry if I hurried you into making love to me earlier…I…I just…I didn't want to go another minute without feeling what it was like to have all of you."

Maura gave herself over to the strength of Jane's arms as they wrapped more firmly around her and hoisted her up, legs wrapping around Jane's waist, her face nuzzling through dark hair to kiss a slender neck.

She didn't open them again until she had been laid gently on the bed, the towel stripped away and the assault initiated by Jane's lips had paused.

"Is this ok?" Jane looked down at her sincerely, brushing her hair back and running her thumb over Maura's flushed lower lip.

Maura nodded as she pulled Jane back down, submitting to the dominance of the kiss, she waited patiently, chest heaving as Jane pulled away to strip off her own clothes. Jane's ministrations with lips and hands were passionate but deliberate. Moans were uncontrollable as teeth and tongue mapped their way down her body to lavish attention on each breast. Jane teased and licked a pert nipple before placing suckling kisses all around as her hand stroked and caressed the opposite nipple until it strained for similar attention. Maura arched her back to Jane's touch as she wrapped her fingers through unruly brunette tresses, her skin tingling every time errant strands tickled along her chest.

Intimacy. The word rolled through Jane's mind. Their first time earlier that day – the emotion behind Maura's need made it intimate. But the physical intimacy, what Jane had craved had not been satisfied by that quick and rushed introduction into their physical relationship. She settled between Maura's legs, fingers pushing the boundaries of sensitivity as they dragged lightly down the inside of Maura's thighs. Jane watched and felt Maura's skin quiver at the sensation.

"Mmm," Maura jerked as Jane's tongue made contact with her core.

Intimacy. This was what Jane wanted. The confusion of her own awakening seemed so silly when she finally realized that the end she truly sought was not the physical release she wanted Maura to give her, but the pleasure she wanted to give Maura. She gave herself over to it. With every swipe of her tongue between Maura's legs, with every kiss she relished the opportunity to express that longing, that desire, that gift of pleasure.

Muscles tensed under roaming hands and Maura's vocalizations grew louder, Jane finally ceased her relentless build and let her tongue stroke momentarily over Maura's swollen clit before her lips encircled it and sucked gently. Jane was in that moment absolutely sure that nothing in her life had ever been as arousing or as pleasurable as hearing Maura, the woman she loved, scream her name as she climaxed.

She curled into Maura's side, long arms snaking around her breathless form as she pulled their bodies together. Satisfaction. Jane kissed every inch of Maura's face she could reach until Maura giggled, pulling back to look into content brown eyes.

Jane smiled, "Remember when I said I was confused about what I was feeling, because I needed to know that what I was feeling wasn't just about sex?" Maura nodded. "In a way, it turns out…it was about sex. When I said that I loved you that night, and that I just knew it, it was because I realized that it wasn't about sex in the sense of wanting that pleasure for myself. It was that I finally understood that what I really wanted was to give that to you. And then, all the feelings behind that want were so clear that I can't believe they were ever clouded to begin with."

Maura kissed her, a long burning kiss that lingered and ignited every part of her body.

"I love you Maura, I love you so much, and I wasted so many opportunities…"

Maura cut her of with the light press of her fingers over Jane's mouth as she shook her head, "There is no wasted past, there is only now and tomorrow. I love you too, Jane."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> So, just about everyone pretty much assumed Chris was dead. I'll be honest I tried to keep it vague in those last two chapters because I was uncertain if I was going to go that route or not. When I started this story my original plan from Chapter 1 was that Chris would die. Then, her character just sort of took on a life of her own and as I contemplated it further I decided it just didn't feel right. I know some of you felt like her death was fitting, so you may be disappointed that she did not die. But, I felt like ultimately killing her did not do justice to either the character or to the story. So, Chris lives on to fight another day so to speak.

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	27. True Colors

**Author's Notes:** This concludes Jealousy. To all of you who enjoyed the story, thank you for taking this journey; I greatly appreciated all of your comments in addition to the many conversations via PM that I had with some of you. To those of you that violently hated this story: I don't imagine I'm remiss in the assumption that no one physically forced you to read a story you so obviously detested for 27 chapters. However, if that assumption is incorrect and you were in fact forced, I believe a far more appropriate course of action would be to report your illegal detainment and cruel and unusual punishment to your local law enforcement rather than trolling my comments section.

**CH 27: True Colors**

Maura let her fingers wander tentatively but purposefully over the colorful bruising that had radiated out from the bullet's entry and exit. She exerted slight pressure in her exam, checking the firmness of the hematoma and the severity of pain in the tissue surrounding the wound.

"If I didn't know better I'd say you were admiring your battle scars," Jane joked as she walked up behind Maura, wrapping her arms around a terrycloth-clad body.

Maura caught Jane's eye in the mirror and smirked, "It's important to monitor post-trauma bruising for signs of continued bleeding," she reached for Jane's hand and brought it to the bruised area, "see, the consistency of the area would indicate no further internal bleeding and the amount of residual pain is reasonable for the injury."

Jane's thumb continued to stroke and carefully massage the marred skin as Maura's hand fell away, "I hate seeing these marks on your body." She pressed her lips to Maura's cheek. "I'll be glad when they're gone."

"The discoloration is actually caused by the phagocytosis and degradation of hemoglobin into biliverdin, then bilirubin, and finally hemosiderin. So, the process of color change is actually fairly predictable as heme catabolism progresses…"

"I don't really need the medical lesson, Maura." Her voice was solemn.

Maura turned in her arms and let her fingers caress along Jane's jaw line before lightly grasping her chin, "Talk to me."

"I…I don't know how to explain what I feel. It's like, even though I know you're ok, seeing this…" Jane covered the wound and bruise with her hand, "it makes me play the what ifs over and over again in my mind."

The kiss Maura initiated was soft as she sucked lightly on Jane's lower lip, "The bruises will fade, but there may be scars…like this…" she slipped her hand under Jane's tank top and fingered the jagged mark from Jane's self-sacrificial act. "We control how we see them and what they mean from here on out."

"No what ifs," Jane nodded, managing a smile.

"No what ifs," Maura reinforced. "From now on, I choose for this to represent my awakening with regards to my feelings for you." She lifted the top to fully expose the scar and leaned down placing a long and heated kiss directly to it.

Brown eyes and a furrowed brow exuded extreme concentration as Jane focused all of her energy on the nearly three-day old red and raw wounds flanked by deep purple discoloration. She started at Maura's neck, just under her ear, trailing slow deep kisses down the sensitive flesh until she reached the edema heated edge of the bruise. Jane paused, letting the warmth from Maura's skin sting her lips for a moment before she continued her attention over the entire shoulder.

Jane chuckled at her realization, pulling Maura in close as she nuzzled her face, "Scar or no scar, this will always remind me that you are so much stronger than I ever gave you credit for. I need you to protect me and be there for me, every bit as much as I thought you needed me to protect you and be there for you. And…finally I know I have someone that not only wants to be that for me, but someone I can actually let be that for me. It's such a relief."

* * *

><p>"I didn't figure you for the soap opera type," Maura laughed as she walked into Chris' room and glanced up at the television.<p>

"Dropped the damn remote," Chris pointed to the floor, prompting Maura to lean down and pick it up.

Maura switched off the tv and took a seat on the bed, grimacing as she watched Chris wince as she adjusted slightly to allow her more sitting room. Her eyes closed and she took slow calculated breaths as she fought the pain. The soft caress of fingers on her neck encouraged her to open her eyes.

"Do you want me to call the nurse? Get you more pain medication?" Maura's gaze was heavy with concern.

Chris shook her head no, "After the knee…" she paused, taking another deep breath, "…they had me so doped up the withdrawal was terrible. I'd rather…fight through this pain now….than that pain and nausea later."

Another forced smile. This was what it was like to care about people. It was impossible to share only in their joy; care and connection necessarily meant sharing in their pain as well.

"When did they take the ventilator out?"

"This morning, thank God," Chris rasped. "Feel like I gargled with sand though."

Silence. Chris reached for the site of Maura's wound, much as she had done the first time she saw Maura after the shooting, even when her own state of consciousness was still hazy she couldn't shake the memory of Maura bleeding.

"It's fine, really," Maura reassured her, "It just hit the muscle, no major damage. It was quite a good shot."

All the reassurances in the world wouldn't ease Chris' guilt, not yet, anyway. Her hand found Maura's and curled lightly around it. "No, it wasn't. I…I thought I could hit his shoulder without hitting you at all. It was the only reasonable shot worth the risk, but I really thought I had a clean shot."

"You saved my life." Maura's voice cracked as she said it. _You saved my life, and almost lost yours._

The weight of the unspoken settled between them. Chris knew it was coming. She wished it didn't have to. _I love you_. The way the words sounded when they rolled off Maura's tongue, the sincerity and the meaning. At least, the fantasy of sincerity and meaning, the tone of her voice, the inflection, what that day in bed those weeks ago could have been if Maura had only said it then. _I love you, Maura._ Silence. She knew why Maura had said it, in the warehouse. Everyone thought she was dying. Hell, she herself thought she was dying. Each breath felt like the last. And then the words. They saved her. She was stronger than that bullet, and there was too much to fight for. Somewhere there was a woman who would say those words and really mean them; thanks to Maura Chris knew what it was like to feel that for someone, she wanted to feel it in return.

"I know you didn't mean it," Chris started, watching Maura's eyes drop to their hands as she shifted uncomfortably and began to fidget. "And, it's ok. You say I saved your life, but in that moment you saved mine. I was going to give up. I was just going to let it take me. When you said you loved me, it gave me hope. Not for us…not about us being together. I know you're in love with Jane, and I really am happy for you, because I love you and I can't stop myself from feeling that…but, when I got over the initial hurt I realized that loving you meant wanting you to be in a relationship that gives you everything you need…even if that's not with me."

Maura closed her eyes, letting the tears trickle halfway down her cheeks before she reached for them and wiped them away. "I did…mean it, in a way. Just, not in the same way that you…"

Chris smiled, as she watched the usually eloquent woman beside her struggle to find the right words, "I know, Maura. You don't have to explain anything."

There was a light knock on the wall as Jane peeked around the corner, "Can I come in?"

"Maura, my brother went to eat in the hospital cafeteria like over an hour ago…do you think you could go see if he's still alive?" Chris chuckled, though the laugh forced her to grab her chest.

Jane inhaled sharply, hissing, "You might need a crash cart, the food here is pretty deadly."

"Ain't that the truth," Chris agreed, her eyes following Maura as she left. "The nurses keep threatening to put an NG tube in if I don't eat more. I keep telling them if they'd bring me a pizza we wouldn't be having this conversation."

Jane laughed, "That sounds strikingly familiar to many of the conversations I had with the nurses."

"I owe you my thanks…and an apology. I might owe you more than one apology," Chris laughed.

"No, you don't," Jane smiled as she pulled up the chair next to the bed and took a seat.

"Don't be proud Rizzoli, just let me say my peace and have your victory. This is a once in a lifetime Christine Kelly moment," Chris winked. "Thank you, for everything you did and said in the warehouse…to make me fight."

"Whatever our past was, this job…" Jane pointed at Chris and back to herself, "…that bond is bigger than any of our personal bullshit."

"The first time I apologized for punching you, was disingenuous. I want to say it now and mean it. And I want you to know that I would never have hit Maura on purpose…I thought I had a clean shot on Plechenko…"

"You saved her life," Jane moved to sit on the edge of the bed, "if anything I should be thanking you. You were willing to suffer all of this and more to save her and for that, I owe you. I owe you more than I will ever be able to repay for that."

"Last…sort of apology. It was always you, Jane. And I think I knew that, from the beginning and I took out all my insecurity on you. I think, I think I thought if I acted the way I did that I could scare you off. It was immature, and quite frankly I was an insufferable bitch at times…"

"At times…?" Jane joked.

Chris tried to control the laugh, but couldn't, "Touche. You shoulda decked me in the gym that day. I would have decked me if I was you."

Jane looked over her shoulder as Cael and Maura walked in, "Tell you what. When you get out of here, we're going to have that pitcher of beer…and a pizza. And as soon as you're cleared by the doctors, I've been looking for a sparring partner for kickboxing. Whaddya say?"

Chris smiled, "Sounds good. You know I'll kick your ass though, right?"

* * *

><p>"Colors, like features, follow the changes of the emotions." ~ Pablo Picasso<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue: Détente <strong>

_Ten months later…_

Jane hated it when she did it, but sometimes Maura couldn't help but watch Jane while she slept. Jane was high strung, tightly wound. She admitted it. As such, her face…her entire body rarely settled into a moment of absolute relaxation. There were two exceptions Maura had noted: when Jane was asleep, and after sex. Maura enjoyed seeing Jane let go in both instances, but there was something particularly special about Jane being asleep. That moment held the allure of one-sidedness: Maura could watch, without being watched back. Sometimes Jane woke up, caught her, and chastised her about how creepy it was. It was all a show of course, because Maura was more than aware of numerous instances when Jane had watched her, under the impression that she had drifted off into slumber.

This morning was particularly nice. The early sun flooded in the window as if Jane had her own spotlight. Maura loved the contrast of her skin and hair against the pristine white sheets. Jane lay on her back, her hair in messy swirls spread across the pillow, one arm flung behind her head with the other draped across her midsection. The image struck her as an artist's dream, oh to have the talent to pull out a sketchpad and pencil and capture the moment.

Maura scooted closer to Jane's side, unable to resist the draw of being closer but taking painstaking care not to disturb her…yet. She leaned down until she could hear Jane's breaths, the familiar rhythm. Nuzzling into her neck she began to kiss and suck lightly at the sensual spot under her ear, she loved that spot, loved how Jane loved her attention to that spot. Even asleep Jane's body reacted, neck arching, a faint moan simmering in her chest and then slipping past her lips.

Long lashes fluttered, brown eyes momentarily overwhelmed by the strength of the sunlight; Jane's body had difficulty processing all of the sensations at first. But then, it was all too familiar. She smiled, closing her eyes; sight wasn't necessary for this. Her arms wrapped around the body next to her and guided it on top.

"Good morning," Jane mumbled before Maura's lips covered her own.

Clothes were shed and Jane again closed her eyes as Maura's lips and tongue worked their way down her body. The senses: deprive the body of one and note how the others fill in the gap. Sometimes, Jane just enjoyed feeling Maura. Kisses burned that much deeper, touch became that much more electrifying as her skin tingled, the sound of Maura's erotic ministrations to her nipples as her tongue rolled around them before her mouth encircled the sensitive peaks.

"Maura…" Jane gasped, her body jerking as Maura slowly kissed down the inside of her thigh before her tongue laved Jane's center. "Come up here." She reached for Maura's hands pulling her back up her body.

Maura straddled her, hands deftly massaging Jane's breasts as she watched her lover battle back from the edge.

"I want to watch you, when I come."

"Whatever you want," Maura smiled, positioning one of Jane's legs over her shoulder as she adjusted, leaning forward and letting Jane taste the remnants of herself on plump lips as her hand slipped between them. Her fingers teased through wet folds, stroking out moans of pleasure for a few tantalizing moments before pushing easily inside. Maura rolled her hips, thrusting her fingers harder and faster as Jane's grip on her back tightened.

"Maura," Jane panted, her eyes fighting to stay open and fixed on the treasure of curves hovering over her, "Maura…I'm going to…." Her back arched, head tilting back as staccato gasps interspersed with moans signaled her release. Maura stilled her hips but continued to stroke, letting her thumb circle Jane's clit as wave after wave of the orgasm washed over her.

As Maura settled down on top of her, brushing wet strands of dark hair from her face, Jane hooked her legs around Maura's body to anchor her there. Her hands wandered lightly over Maura's perspiration dampened back before stilling to enjoy her embrace.

"And to what do I owe that wake up?" Jane smiled into Maura's neck as she placed a reverent kiss to it.

"To remind you that if you overexert yourself in today's scheduled activity, you won't be enjoying that for several days," Maura smirked, glancing at the clock, "we should get up, or you'll be late."

* * *

><p>It was going to be a beautiful day, Maura mused as she took in the outdoor surroundings. A cloudless sky of cerulean blue, the sun bathed down on them but was tempered by a much appreciated breeze. The verdant field glistened with the last lingering remnants of the morning dew making Maura glad that she had worn boots.<p>

"How do I look?" Jane called out from some distance away.

Maura shook her head as she smiled and called back, "Do you recall that Christmas movie you made me watch that time? The one with the little boy in the obscenely large red winter jumpsuit that prohibits him from getting up when he falls down?"

"Randy? From A Christmas Story?" Jane questioned as she flapped her arms up and down "I can't put my arms down!"

"Yes, that!" Maura concurred. "That…is how you look."

Jane dismissed her with the wave of her hand.

"She's going to wear a helmet, right?" Maura inquired, turning to Chris who was standing next to her.

Chris nodded with a mischievous smile, "Yes, and a mouth guard. She'll be fine. We bring people in off patrol and from other units to do this all the time. Petrovski will give her detailed instructions and show her what to do. We'll start off easy, Petrovski brought his old guy Hanz, he's nine and retired but we let him come out and hit the sleeve for fun every now and then, he enjoys it. When she's got the hang of it a bit, we'll see if she can handle Luc."

"Can I meet him?" Maura's face lit up.

"Stand there," Chris directed as they approached her truck. She opened the door as the dark brindle shepherd flew out. "Luc, Hier!" He circled back to her. "Platz. Brav, Luc, brav. Fuss." Chris heeled the dog up to Maura and stopped, extending her hand, "Just shake my hand, Maura, good. Now walk with us for a little."

"He's even more beautiful than in the pictures," Maura watched as the dog pranced along, nearly glued to Chris' left leg, his eyes never tearing away from her face as they walked. "I'm glad you got the one you wanted."

"Kelly! We're ready over here!" Petrovski shouted.

Chris paused, taking Maura by the forearm and urging her to kneel, she took Maura's hand and placed it on Luc's neck, letting Maura pet the animal. "Luc, meet Maura. If we're ever on a scene together, you have her back just like mine."

Maura chuckled, "A lovely sentiment, but I'm quite sure he has no concept of what you mean."

Chris took Maura's hand and brought it up to the dog's snout, he sniffed for a moment before doling out exactly one lick to the back of Maura's palm. "You'd be surprised what they understand…besides, my dogs always seemed to have a thing for you."

* * *

><p>Petrovski held on to Hanz's agitation collar as Jane got a running start, if it could be called running, Chris and Maura both laughed at Jane's waddling attempts to sprint in the full bite suit. She turned as Hanz approached, absorbing the blow as he bit into her well-padded arm.<p>

"Wooo!" Jane hollered as the dog growled and twisted on the sleeve.

"Aus!" Petrovski commanded, Hanz releasing immediately and settling into a bark and hold until he was leashed and pulled away.

"Piece of cake!" Jane yelled towards Maura.

Chris snickered. "Hear that Luc? Piece of cake she says?"

Maura twisted her hands together, "He won't…I mean, you won't let him hurt her?" The look she gave Chris was one of genuine concern.

"Hey," Chris reached out to reassure her, "I promise. He can't bite through that suit. She's probably going to fall down. I'll call him off immediately. Trust me?" Maura nodded.

_He is gorgeous_, Maura thought as she watched the black brindle dog's body coil in anticipation. He oozed intensity. _One heartbeat…two heartbeats…three heartbeats. Bang!_ Jane fired blanks into the air and started running. Détente. The moment when a bowstring is pulled to its maximum draw weight is not when it is released. The shooter will relax slightly, easing the tension. Every ounce of Luc's desire had him teetering on the edge of release, but as if in tune with one another, only a second before Chris yelled "Fass!", Maura watched as the dog visibly took a breath, his body stilling as he rocked slightly back before exploding forward at the command.

_Four heartbeats…five heartbeats…six heartbeats. Breathe. _ Maura watched as the dog hurtled through the air, connecting with a harsh thud into Jane's arm just as she started to turn the force of impact sweeping her easily off her feet and spinning her like a rag doll through the air. Luc never let go of the sleeve, his strength and momentum pile driving Jane face first into the ground.

"Aus! Luc, Hier!" Chris downed the dog and ran up to Jane, rolling her over, laughing as Jane hocked out the mouth guard mingled with spit and dirt. "You ok Rizzoli?"

"Ow…" Jane laughed.

"Jesus, you better be ok or your woman will kill me," Chris pulled Jane to her feet. "How'd you like that cake?" she joked, dusting Jane off.

Jane took her mouth guard and blew it off, "Let's do it again!"

* * *

><p>Twitter: TtownAmstaff<p>

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	28. Author's Note

**Note:** I'm just posting this note here so that those of you who had Jealousy on alert will be aware that I have started a spinoff, as requested by many, of the Chris Kelly character. The story is titled "Tilting At Windmills." It is an entirely Chris-centric story but will have some minimal Jane and Maura interactions. There is a full author's note with the story.


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